Setting Boundaries: How to Create a Family Texting Contract

Teen girl texting on phone

Text messaging opens your child up to risks such as cyberbullying, sexting, and toxic group chats. But texting also brings plenty of positives, like increased connection with friends and the ability to stay in contact with you when you’re not with them. As you get ready to hand your child their new device, it’s useful to create a family texting contract with expectations on how they will behave with their new privileges. 

What is a family texting contract?

A family texting contract is an agreement between parents and children that establishes rules and expectations for text messaging. For instance, a rule might require your child to reply to your texts promptly when they're out of the house. 

While some parents might incorporate these rules into a broader digital device contract — which covers general device use, such as screen time limits and prohibited locations for phone use — a family texting contract specifically targets text messaging. Choose the option that best suits your family's needs.

How to decide rules in your family texting contract

When it comes to setting rules, the approach matters. Waiting to angrily impose a rule when you’re fed up with a behavior is less likely to be successful than if you set thoughtful expectations from the start and adjust as needed over time. It’s worth taking the time to create your family’s texting rules before your child starts texting. But if that ship has already sailed, it’s never too late to set new boundaries — just be prepared for an adjustment period as your child gets used to the new law of the land. 

Factors to consider 

Here are some things to consider as you decide what texting boundaries to set:

  • Your child’s relationship to technology: Is your kiddo the rare breed who couldn’t care less about screens, or do they have a hard time following existing screen time limits? Do they make responsible choices about what content to consume, or are you constantly finding them where they shouldn’t be on the internet? The harder it is for your child to regulate their own use of screens, the more support they’ll need from you in the form of texting guidelines. 
  • Your relationship to technology: Every parent has a different threshold for acceptable device use. Parents who are constantly on their own phones likely have a higher threshold for what’s okay than ones who use their phones more lightly. 
  • How your partner or co-parent feels: Texting rules will be more effective if everyone is on the same page. Work collaboratively with your child’s other parent to create expectations that work for you both. 

Involving your child in the process

You have the final say, but the more input your child has in deciding what goes on the family texting contract, the more buy in you’ll get. They also might surprise you with what they come up with. Explain why you think it’s important to set texting guidelines and ask them what they think should be included. 

Suggested rules and guidelines for a family texting contract 

Here are some ideas to get you started: 

  • Always reply to a parent’s texts as soon as possible.
  • Don’t reply to people you don’t know.
  • Don’t tap on unfamiliar links from unknown numbers (they could be scams or phishing attempts).
  • Avoid sharing personal information in texts, like passwords. 
  • Set your phone to “do not disturb” during homework time, in class, and before bed.
  • No texting at the dinner table. 
  • Allow parents to perform spot-checks of your phone to make sure you’re following the rules and watch for any safety concerns. 
  • Consent to the use of a text message monitoring app for iPhone like BrightCanary
  • Practice respectful texting etiquette

How to implement your family texting contract

Once you’ve decided your new texting rules, it’s time to put them in place. Here are some tips: 

  • Write them down: Put your rules in writing with a digital device contract (free download). Revise the contract as your child gets more phone privileges, such as social media accounts. 
  • Periodically evaluate the rules: After the new rules have been in place for a bit, sit down as a family and discuss what’s working and what’s not. Amend as needed. Adjustments can also be made as your child gets older to allow more freedom or when factors change, such as when they start driving (no texting behind the wheel!). 
  • Model healthy texting behavior: This one is perhaps the hardest, but also one of the most important elements of creating a family agreement for text messaging. While it’s reasonable for adults to behave differently when it comes to texting, it’s still important for you to model healthy behavior, such as putting the phone away during meals and before bed and not being constantly glued to your screen. Our children are watching (and learning) from our behavior. 

In short

Allowing your child to start texting is a big step. By thoughtfully implementing guidelines and behavior expectations, you will help them establish a healthy relationship to texting. 

As the digital world continues to become more integrated into our lives, it’s important for parents and guardians to set clear boundaries with children about their device use. By implementing a digital device contract, you can help ensure that your kids are using technology safely and responsibly. Setting expectations as a family will help kids develop healthy habits around technology usage, while also providing an opportunity for open dialogue about what kids encounter online.

How to Create a Digital Device Contract 

You can create your own from scratch, or use a customizable one — like our free Digital Device Contract Template.

When customizing the contract for your family, it’s important to provide clear guidelines on how devices should be used. Some of these guidelines may include: 

  • Setting time limits on how long they can spend online each day
  • Establishing rules around which websites they can visit or games they can play
  • Supervising their online activity with a monitoring app like BrightCanary

It’s also important to discuss what types of content are appropriate for them to view or share online across videos, images and text messages. 

In addition to laying out specific rules regarding device usage, a digital device contract should also include consequences if those rules are not followed. For example, if your child goes over the agreed-upon time limit, then there could be restrictions placed on their access for the remainder of the day or week. You may also want to consider rewarding your child for following the rules, such as providing extra time if they have been particularly responsible in their device use. 

When to Introduce a Digital Device Contract 

The ideal moment to first introduce a digital device contract is when your child first gets his or her own phone or tablet. By putting together this document ahead of time, you can ensure that you both understand what is expected from the start. This will help avoid any confusion down the line and make sure that everyone knows exactly where they stand regarding usage rules and expectations. 

Another good time to introduce or update your existing digital device contract is when your family’s circumstances change (e.g., moving house, starting at a new school). This gives you an opportunity to review how things are going so far and make any necessary adjustments. It’s also a good way to reiterate the importance of responsible online behavior and make sure your child is following the rules.

Finally, any time that your child expresses a desire to explore new technologies — whether it’s social media, video streaming services, or something else — it can be useful to have a digital device contract in place to help them understand the consequences of their actions. This can also be a great time to sit down and have an open conversation about the potential dangers of these new technologies and how they should be used safely. 

5 Mistakes to Avoid When Implementing a Digital Device Contract


Talking about your kid’s online activity only when the contract is first implemented

Parents often make the mistake of thinking that talking to their kids about digital device contracts is a one-time conversation. But this type of dialogue should be an ongoing process throughout your child’s development as they learn how to safely and responsibly use technology. It's important for parents to stay informed on the latest trends in online safety, such as popular phishing scams or major password breaches. That way, you can discuss these topics with your children in an age-appropriate manner. 

Not providing enough detail

It’s important for both parties to understand exactly what is expected from them, so that everyone knows where they stand if any issues arise later on down the line. Be sure to explain each rule clearly and provide examples if necessary. Give your child space to ask questions while you review the contract. 

Not including consequences or enforcement measures

Kids need to know that there are real repercussions for not following through with the terms of the agreement; otherwise, why bother making one at all? Make sure you outline clear consequences ahead of time and enforce them consistently when needed.

Not setting expectations for yourself as a parent

It's important to remember that you, as the parent, have a responsibility as well. Make sure you set realistic expectations for yourself: be diligent about monitoring your child’s online activity and checking in from time to time to make sure they are abiding by the contract. If there are any issues, be sure to address them immediately and take corrective action if needed. 

You also have the opportunity to lead by example; if your child agrees not to use their phone during meals, you should stay off your phone, too.

Not revisiting the terms of the contract

Lastly, don't forget to revisit the digital use contract periodically with your child as they grow and learn. As technology advances, so too will the risks associated with it; being aware of these changes can help you keep your child safe online.

By following these tips, you can help ensure that your conversation about digital device contracts goes smoothly and that everyone understands the expectations set out in the agreement. To get started customizing your own contract, download this free template

teens looking at phones while at school

I’ll never forget when my 10-year-old niece sent her first text. It was a simple “Hi,” but it also marked the start of a new chapter for her — and a whole new set of safety concerns for her parents. How would they prevent her from texting strangers? What if someone bullied her in a group chat?

This is why a reliable app for parents to monitor text messages is essential. While Apple offers strong parental controls, they don’t let parents see their child’s actual text messages. Most monitoring apps don’t work well on iPhone, but BrightCanary was built for Apple devices — so it actually delivers.

Here’s how BrightCanary’s free and Protection Plus text monitoring options work, plus how to set it up and keep your child safe. 

Why should parents monitor text messages?

When parents think about online safety, they often forget about the risks associated with text messaging. Texting seems like a private form of one-to-one communication, but it really isn’t. 

Texts can expose kids to risks: 

  • Cyberbullying from classmates or online acquaintances
  • Strangers texting through group chats
  • Scammers sending phishing links
  • Inappropriate content shared via text or attachments

Plus, anything your child sends in a text thread can be screenshotted, saved, and shared with others. 

Text message monitoring is like asking your child about their school friends — who they’re talking to, what they discuss, and whether anyone makes them feel uncomfortable. Supervising texts helps parents stay involved and guide their kids through these interactions, especially as their social circle expands.

BrightCanary provides two levels of text message monitoring:

  1. Free basic monitoring: AI-powered text message summaries give you the gist of your child’s conversations without having to read every message. Texts update several times per week.
  2. Protection Plus plan: Real-time message processing for more immediate access, full message visibility, and the ability to read deleted texts.

You can monitor texts in a few different ways, like spot-checking your child’s phone, scheduling weekly check-ins, or using a third-party monitoring app like BrightCanary. Combining methods generally works best because communication is really key at this point in your child’s digital literacy education — you want to give them the space they need to explore different social dynamics in healthy ways, while also staying on top of anything potentially concerning. 

Here’s how to set up BrightCanary text monitoring.

How to monitor your child’s text messages with BrightCanary

screenshots of BrightCanary text message monitoring

To get started, download BrightCanary on your iPhone or iPad and set up your child’s profile. 

What you need to connect your child’s device:

  • Your child’s Apple ID (the email and password they use for iTunes and iCloud)
  • Your child’s Apple device

Pro tip: If your child doesn’t have an Apple ID, you can create one using Apple Family Sharing. Apple has a handy guide on how to create an account for your child.

Step-by-step setup:

  1. Enter your child’s Apple ID in BrightCanary.
  2. Approve the sign-in request on their device.
  3. Enter the two-factor authentication code if prompted. This extra information helps authenticate your child’s account.
  4. Wait for BrightCanary to sync text messages. It may take several hours to begin receiving texts while your child’s messages are processed. 

Once setup is complete, BrightCanary will start processing text messages based on your selected plan. the device is connected, you’re good to go. It may take several hours to begin receiving texts while your child’s messages are processed. 

What's included in BrightCanary's text monitoring plans?

video showing BrightCanary text message monitoring summaries using AI

BrightCanary uses advanced AI technology designed for parents. The app’s AI is like a hall monitor, keeping track of your child’s online activity — including texts, searches, and social media — and flagging anything concerning. You have two monitoring options:

Free basic monitoring

  • AI-powered text message summaries
  • Updates several times per week
  • Identify important topics without reading every message
  • Works seamlessly with iPhone and Apple devices

Protection Plus plan (for greater security)

  • Real-time message processing
  • Full message access when needed
  • Access to deleted texts
  • Share your account with another parent via Family Viewing

You can upgrade to Protection Plus for complete text monitoring at any time.

How to use Ask the Canary AI to help supervise texts

AI chatbots offer an anonymous, judgment-free way to ask questions and get more information about important topics. The BrightCanary app’s AI, Ask the Canary, is seamlessly integrated into the text monitoring experience. When you view text message summaries, you can also use Ask the Canary to get more information about what your child is discussing — without scrolling through their entire text thread.

For example, you might view a text message summary of your child’s conversation with their best friends. The summary says they’re talking about something called sigma, but you’re not sure what that is — so you use Ask the Canary for more details. All of that can happen in just a few taps in the BrightCanary app. 

Ask the Canary is also helpful for general questions about digital parenting. You can access the chatbot in the app and ask your toughest digital parenting questions, like how to handle your child’s first bully or tips on talking to your child about online safety. 

Talking to your child about text message monitoring

It’s normal for parents to feel a little worried about how their child will respond to text message monitoring. You might feel like you trust your child, but you also want to make sure they’re staying safe. It’s important to stay involved for the same reason that you wouldn’t just drop your child off in the middle of a crowded city without any guidance — you want to guide and protect them, while also helping them learn how to navigate any challenges that arise. 

That’s why we recommend approaching your child with their safety in mind. Explain how BrightCanary works and why you want to use it. If you’ve already given them a device and they’ve been texting independently without any restrictions, you can always go back and add rules. Some of our parents make BrightCanary a condition for device use — if the child wants their own phone, they also need to agree to parental monitoring. 

Set your rules, explain how you’ll work together on this, and put the rules in writing in a digital device contract

The bottom line

The best app for parents to monitor text messages gives you flexibility — the ability to give your child their independence by only looking at concerning content, and the ability to look at more detailed conversations if the need pops up. After all, there’s no one way to parent in the digital age, and every family has different needs.

BrightCanary gives parents a comprehensive solution for iPhone text message monitoring, and it happens all on your phone. Download BrightCanary on the App Store today and start your free trial.

teen girl looking at phone

If you’re considering monitoring your child’s online activity but are concerned about breaking their trust, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with finding a balance between protection and privacy. 

So, how do you monitor your child’s online activity without damaging their trust? This guide will walk you through why online monitoring matters, how to approach it with transparency, and how to maintain your child’s privacy while keeping them safe.

Why parents should monitor their child’s online activity

The internet poses a number of threats to children and teens, from online predators to addictive algorithms. Here’s why online monitoring is crucial:

  • Protect them from online dangers: Kids can encounter cyberbullying, drug dealers, and risky conversations online.
  • Help them develop healthy digital habits: Setting boundaries teaches responsible tech use.
  • Prevent risky behaviors before they escalate: Early intervention can help prevent unsafe interactions or harmful digital footprints.

Kids need support to mitigate these dangers and learn how to navigate online spaces safely. That’s why experts recommend parents take an active role in monitoring their child’s online activity. 

How to monitor your child’s online activity without breaking trust

You need to monitor your child online, but you don’t want to break their trust, you want to respect their privacy, and you don’t want them to feel like you’re spying on them. These are all important things to consider, and it means you’re on the right track. 

Luckily, it’s possible to monitor your child online while still respecting their privacy and maintaining trust. Here are some tips: 

1. Be transparent

Don’t go behind their back. Monitoring your child online without their knowledge is spying, and it’s a surefire way to break their trust. Be transparent with them about your plans.

 They might not like the idea, but they’ll appreciate your honesty (although they’ll probably never admit it in a million years).  

2. Respect their privacy

Refrain from digging around on their phone for gossip or bringing up every little thing you notice. Focus your monitoring on safety issues and let your child decide what other aspects of their online world they want to share with you. 

3. Give them room to make mistakes 

Mistakes are how people learn. It’s especially valuable to let kids make their own mistakes when they’re still under your protective wing. It’s important to address major issues that you come across in your monitoring, but for issues that don’t impact their safety, give them room to fail so they can grow from their mistakes. 

4. Set clear expectations

Explain to your child exactly what behaviors are acceptable online and which ones aren’t. Otherwise, they’re likely to feel blindsided if you bring something up that they didn’t realize was a problem. Even better, put it in writing — a digital device contract helps set clear guidelines.

5. Don’t read everything 

Not only will you wear yourself out if you try to read every text, social media comment, and DM, but that level of scrutiny is likely to feel to your child like you’re spying on them. 

BrightCanary can help. The app uses advanced artificial intelligence to monitor your child’s online life without reading every message. It’ll summarize their activity and alert you to any concerns, allowing you to give them privacy while staying in the know on the big stuff. 

How to talk to your child about online monitoring

It’s perfectly natural to be nervous about talking to your child about online monitoring. It’s not a dynamic you had to navigate with your own parents, so this is new territory for you both. 

Having open conversations about online monitoring helps ease pushback and reduce secrecy. Here are some talking points to get you started: 

1. Explain the risks

Educate your child on the dangers of online spaces and why it’s so important for you to help them stay safe.

2. Focus on safety, not surveillance

Reassure them that monitoring isn’t about control — it’s about protection. Frame it as a partnership, not punishment.

3. Show that you trust them 

Make it clear that you trust your child, but you don’t trust Big Tech or social media companies. Frame this as a partnership between the two of you. 

4. Give them space to voice their concerns

Ask them how they feel about online monitoring, and take time to address their concerns and validate their feelings.

You may not be willing or able to address all of their concerns in the way they want, but it’s still valuable to hear them out, make adjustments where you can, and, above all, validate their feelings. 

5. Tailor the approach to their age

Younger kids need more hands-on supervision, while older teens can have more independence while following safety guidelines. Teens are also more likely to be resistant to the idea of being monitored, so be prepared to explain potential risks in an age-appropriate way.

In short 

It’s important for parents to take an active role in their child’s online activity, including monitoring them. This helps keep them safe. However, it’s equally important that parents approach their monitoring efforts in a way that’s respectful of their child’s privacy and helps build rather than break trust. This can be done through open communication, clear expectations, and a focus on safety. 

BrightCanary is a great tool for keeping an eye on what your child does online without spying on them or hovering. The app’s advanced technology scans your child’s activity and alerts you if there’s a red flag. That way, you can take action on the important stuff and give them their space on everything else. Download the app and start for free today.

Mother looking at child on phone

Monitoring your child’s text messages is a responsible step toward their online safety, but how you approach it matters. Without thoughtful monitoring, you risk breaking trust, overlooking key issues, or overstepping boundaries. Here are the top mistakes parents make when monitoring their child’s texts — and how to avoid them.

1. Spying instead of being transparent

Going behind your child’s back to monitor their messages is almost guaranteed to backfire when they inevitably find out. Trust is a two-way street. Once it’s broken, they may try harder to hide their online activity. 

Instead, be open with your child about your monitoring and explain that it’s for their safety, not to invade their privacy. They’ll be more likely to return the effort by being honest with you about their behavior. 

2. Expecting the worst

If you view monitoring your child’s texts as a way to catch them misbehaving, they’ll see you as an adversary instead of a trusted guide. They’re likely to resent your actions and may go out of their way to evade your monitoring efforts. 

Instead, approach monitoring as a partnership. You should have a mutual goal of keeping them safe and helping them if they make a mistake

3. Calling out every little thing

When monitoring kids, parents need to decide what constitutes “red flag” behavior and what is merely notable-but-harmless behavior. 

I just learned the term “beige flag,” and I kind of love it. It’s a dating culture term meaning behavior that may be odd or strange, but that doesn’t rise to the level of concern. I think “beige flags” can also apply to parenting. 

If your child uses some swear words in casual conversations but isn’t engaging in risky behavior, it’s likely not worth calling out. Are they actively texting about drugs and alcohol? Red flag — time to step in.

4. Not setting clear expectations 

If your kid doesn’t know what’s expected of them, how can they follow the rules? They may feel blindsided when you call them out for something they didn’t realize was a problem. 

Be clear about how you expect them to behave when texting and put it in writing with a digital device contract. This helps kids understand what’s appropriate and reduces conflict later on.

5. Having a false sense of security 

Monitoring your child’s texts is not a substitute for open communication. Even the best parental controls can’t catch everything. Talk to your child regularly about online risks and help teach them how to be a responsible texter

➡️ BrightCanary makes monitoring easier by flagging potential risks in your child’s texts. That way, you can focus on having meaningful conversations instead of reading every message.

6. Not respecting their privacy

As difficult as it may be, you need to respect the fact that your child deserves to keep some things private. The same goes for not deliberately digging around on their phone to find out the gossip about their life. Focus your monitoring on safety issues. The rest is only your business if your child wants it to be. 

Suppose that you learn your child has a new significant other, but they haven’t shared the news with you yet. You’ll probably want to run and ask them about the person — and why they didn’t tell you. DON’T do it. 

7. Reading every single message

It’s so tempting to read every message! It’s right there — why not? Well, for one thing, trying to read every single one is unnecessary and overwhelming. The average teen receives at least 237 texts per day, according to Common Sense Media. 

Reading every single text may also contribute to your child feeling like you’re spying on them. As your child grows older and more mature, you’ll want to loosen the reins, and reading everything only adds to your mental load. 

A monitoring app like BrightCanary gives you your time back. You can simply browse the “concerning” tab to view alerts about anything potentially inappropriate.

8. Jumping to conclusions

If you find something concerning, the first step is to (calmly) ask your child about it. Find out the full story from them, assuming the best until you find out otherwise. Ask open-ended questions like: 

  • “Can you tell me more about this conversation?”
  • “Why did you send this?” 
  • “Have you been sent something like this before, or is this the first time?” 

Approaching with curiosity instead of immediate punishment encourages honesty and growth. Remind them that your job is to keep them safe, and you want to work through this together. 

9. Not giving kids room to learn from their mistakes 

You can’t protect your child from everything. Nor should you try. There’s value in making mistakes, especially when your child is still young and has you to help support them through the aftermath. Address the big stuff that you find on their texts, but also look for places where you can give them room to fail. That’s where the growth will happen. 

The bottom line

Monitoring your child’s texts can protect them from digital risks, but it’s crucial to do it thoughtfully. Avoid these mistakes by being transparent, focusing on safety over control, and using tools like BrightCanary to support healthy digital habits.

Want to monitor your child's texts effectively without invading their privacy? Try BrightCanary and get started for free today!

Closeup of hands using phones

It’s a familiar sight: your son or daughter, hunched over their iPhone, furiously texting. You’re dying to know who they’re texting and what they’re saying. But should parents monitor kids’ texts? And what’s the best way to see their texts without overstepping?

Texting exposes kids to risks such as phishing scams, cyberbullying, and online predators. That’s why it’s helpful for parents to stay involved when their kids begin texting independently. 

This guide will show you how to see your child’s text messages on iPhone using iCloud, Apple’s parental controls, and third-party apps like BrightCanary — the best app to monitor a teenager’s iPhone effectively.

📲 Keep your child safe and on track. Try BrightCanary today for free text message monitoring on iPhone. Download the app today.

Should parents read their child’s text messages?

Yes, but it depends on how you do it. Parents should stay involved in their child’s texting habits without violating their trust. We’re not talking about spying; we’re talking about ensuring your child’s safety.

Gen Z is notoriously averse to phone calls, with as many as 75% preferring to text instead. But with the popularity of this communication method comes a host of safety concerns. Parents need to understand the risks their children may encounter over text and take steps to help them stay safe.

Why monitor your child’s texts?

  • Protect against cyberbullying: A majority (59%) of teens have experienced some form of online harassment.
  • Prevent sexting and explicit messages: A quarter of teens say they’ve been sent explicit images that they didn’t ask for, and girls are more likely than boys to report receiving unwanted explicit images.
  • Avoid scams: Between 2017 and 2021, the number of young people under 20 scammed online increased over 1,000%. Many scammers use texts to identify and pursue victims, including sending scam links and pretending to be someone they’re not.
  • Predators: Statistics show that as many as 20% of children were contacted or solicited by an online predator in the last year. 
  • Ensure healthy friendships: Group chats can be toxic or exclusionary, leading to concerns like anxiety and depression.

Balancing privacy and safety

Your child’s privacy matters, but so does their safety. Instead of reading every message (who has time for that?), consider a text monitoring app that alerts you to concerning content while giving your child independence. 

BrightCanary makes monitoring iPhone text messages easy. It flags issues like bullying, explicit content, and drug references — for free. The app’s easy-to-read summaries use powerful AI technologies to monitor the messages your child sends and receives.

How to monitor your child’s text messages on iPhone 

By now, you might be wondering, “Okay, texting is risky. But how do I see my child’s text messages on iPhone?” Here are your options:

1. Use iCloud to view text messages on another device

This method is also called mirroring. To do it:

  • Sign in to your child’s iCloud account on your iPhone or iPad.
  • Enable Messages in iCloud to sync texts across devices.
  • Limitations: There are no alerts for concerning content, and you’ll have to manually skim through messages to find any red flags.

2. Set up Apple parental controls

  • Use Apple Family Sharing to limit contacts and screen time.
  • Enable content restrictions to blur explicit images and restrict unknown senders.
  • Limitations: There are no real-time alerts, and you can’t see full message threads.

3. Use a parental monitoring app like BrightCanary

  • BrightCanary is the best parental control app for free iPhone text monitoring.
  • Unlike iCloud monitoring, BrightCanary scans texts for risks like bullying, explicit content, and stranger danger.
  • No desktop installation required — just download from the App Store and start monitoring.

With BrightCanary, you can also monitor your child’s social media, Google, and YouTube accounts from your phone. 

Other apps promise to let you supervise your child’s text messages, but many of them aren’t very reliable or easy to use. 

For example, Bark requires that you install a desktop app on your home computer, then plug in your child’s phone. You can only monitor text messages on iPhone when your child’s device is home and on the same WiFi as your computer.

BrightCanary is different. Simply log into your child’s iCloud account, and the app will automatically begin monitoring new text messages sent to your child’s Apple device.

All of that is available for free in the BrightCanary app. When you upgrade to Protection Plus, you get real-time insights into your child’s texts and can read full message threads, including deleted messages.

How to talk to your kids about reading their texts

Don’t spy on your child’s texts. If they find out you’ve invaded their privacy without their knowledge, they’re less likely to come to you if they’re in trouble. 

Instead, be upfront about monitoring. Explain when and why you’re going to review their text messages. 

If you’re stumped, consider this conversation starter: “I respect your privacy, but I also need to make sure you’re safe. Here are the situations where I may need to look at your messages.”

You should also be clear about your red-flag concerns, such as suicidal thoughts, bullying, and involvement with a predator. 

Let them know that if you find anything worrisome, you’ll address the issue together. 

After you’ve established a plan for monitoring your child’s messages, consider writing it into a digital device contract. This will solidify expectations on both sides and help create accountability. 

Frequently asked questions

1. Can I see my child’s text messages on iPhone without them knowing?

You can log into their iCloud account on your desktop or iPad. However, most experts recommend against going behind your child’s back. BrightCanary provides a transparent way to monitor messages while maintaining trust.

2. What’s the best app to monitor my teenager’s iPhone?

BrightCanary is the best iPhone parental monitoring app because it provides comprehensive insights on Apple devices, and it also monitors social media, Google, and YouTube.

3. Is there a safe chat app for kids? 

The safest chat apps, such as Messenger Kids and Kinzoo, don’t allow strangers to message your child. This limitation minimizes some concerns, but it’s still a good idea to play a hands-on role in monitoring their messages. 

4. What age should parents stop checking their kids’ phones?

It depends on your child’s maturity level and the trust you've established with them. As children grow and demonstrate responsible behavior, it's essential for parents to gradually grant more privacy to foster independence. 

It's a good practice to maintain open communication with your child about this topic and adjust your approach based on their development and the unique dynamics of your relationship.

5. How do I monitor my child’s text messages on Android?

You can monitor your child’s text messages and social media messages on Android using Google Family Link.

In short

While texting is a wonderful way for kids to maintain friendships and exercise their independence, there are also a number of risks. It’s advisable to maintain some level of involvement in your child’s text messages, using a combination of text message monitoring and open communication. 

Parental monitoring apps like BrightCanary give detailed insights into your child’s texts. Download BrightCanary on the App Store to get started.

snapchat logo on phone screen

Snapchat is one of the most popular apps among teens. Roughly 55% of kids ages 13 to 17 use Snapchat, and about half say they use the platform daily. While Snapchat offers fun features like face filters and easy ways to connect with friends, there are also hidden risks every parent should know about. Here are 10 bad things about Snapchat and how to navigate them for your child’s safety.

1. Disappearing messages

Snapchat’s disappearing messages are designed to vanish after they’ve been viewed or expired (after 24 hours). The problem is that vanishing messages can hide all sorts of concerning content, ranging from explicit messages to online harassment. And because they disappear off your child’s device, they’re difficult to track down and use as evidence of wrongdoing.

Disappearing messages can also encourage your child (and their friends) to engage in risky behavior, like sending inappropriate pictures. But just because something seems private doesn’t mean it is. Screenshots or third-party apps can still save Snaps without the sender’s knowledge or permission. 

2. Location sharing

The Snapchat Snap Map (say that three times fast) allows people to see a user’s real-time location. This feature is disabled for teen accounts by default, but if it’s enabled, friends can use it to track your teen’s whereabouts. 

Location sharing might be helpful if you’re a parent trying to track down your teen to pick them up after an event, but it’s concerning if your teen accepts friend requests from people they don’t actually know in real life. Even among people they do know, location sharing can expose kids to stalking risks and unintended privacy breaches.

For example, if your teen wants to hang out with a certain friend but not the other, the Snap Map might expose their location — and lead to some difficult conversations among their friend group. 

3. Exposure to inappropriate content

Similar to TikTok and Instagram, Snapchat also has a curated collection of short video content from various publishers, creators, and news sources called “Discover.” Users can also view “Stories” on different topics. These features are personalized based on your interests viewing habits, but these features can also expose kids to adult content, including sexual or violent material.

On Reddit, parents have complained about the explicit material shown on Snapchat’s Discover feed. “I just don’t think a company should be running hog wild with sexual imagery and highly politicized or controversial articles/voices when they have minors that are on the app,” one user wrote.

While parents can report and block certain types of content from appearing, there isn’t a way to reliably set content filters around Snapchat’s Discover or Stories features.

4. Cyberbullying and harassment

Anonymity can encourage people to behave in ways they normally wouldn’t in real life — including harassing others through group chats and disappearing messages on Snapchat. The platform’s anonymous nature can expose your child to cyberbullying on social media, especially if they accept friend requests from people they don’t know.

Snapchat’s most recent transparency report underscores the scale of the problem. In 2024, the platform reported 6.5 million instances of harassment and bullying. Of those, just 36.5% were enforced by Snap, which means that a majority of reports went unaddressed. 

5. Pressure to maintain Snapstreaks

Snap streaks are one of the ways Snapchat gamifies the user experience. A Snapstreak refers to the number of consecutive days two users send each other Snaps (pictures or videos). The streak expires if both users fail to send a Snap within a 24-hour window.

They might sound fun, but Snapstreaks can also lead to obsessive behavior and increased screen time, especially if your teen has streaks running with more than one friend. Maintaining a streak gives you social credibility, and a teen’s personality may even be influenced by the number of streaks they have going.

As if teens need more peer pressure in their lives, right?

6. Fear of missing out

The fear of missing out (FOMO) refers to a feeling of anxiety about being excluded from other friend groups or missing out on something more fun happening elsewhere. Remember, social media is a highlight reel — if your teen is constantly seeing their friends posting about going to exciting places, hanging out with people, and buying certain items, they might feel like their own life is boring or less-than in comparison. 

FOMO isn’t unique to Snapchat, but the platform’s culture rewards people who are chronically online. That visibility can give your teen more insight into what their peers are doing around the clock, which may negatively impact their own sense of self-worth — especially if that’s all they consume online.

7. Ease of contact with strangers

Users can easily receive friend requests or messages from unknown people, increasing the risk of dangers like grooming, harassment, and access to drugs. 

In the past year, Snapchat has made efforts to improve teen safety by preventing teens from interacting with strangers. New teen safeguards have made it more difficult for strangers to find teens by not allowing them to show up in search results unless they have several mutual friends or are existing phone contacts. 

However, those changes aren’t foolproof — it’s still possible for people to connect with strangers on Snapchat, especially if your child fibbed about their age when they signed up for their account. 

8. Facilitating drug use and illicit activity 

In 2022, the Drug Enforcement Agency named Snapchat as one of the platforms which drug dealers are using to peddle illicit substances, which can be laced with deadly amounts of fentanyl. Across the country, the families of victims are suing Snapchat and campaigning for stricter regulations. 

Snapchat has historically been used for illegal activities, and the platform is struggling to keep up with the scale of the problem. In 2024, the platform reported approximately 452,000 instances of drug content and accounts, but Snap enforced just 4.1% of the total reports.

9. Addictive design features

Snapchat’s gamified features, like Snap Scores and Snapstreaks, are designed to maximize engagement on the platform. This isn’t unique for social platforms, but it’s especially problematic when the majority of users on Snapchat are between the ages of 15 to 25 — an age group that is developmentally prone to impulsive behaviors. 

Without appropriate boundaries and screen time limits, it’s relatively easy for young people to excessively use Snapchat. And that’s already a trend — according to Pew Research Center, 13% of teens use Snapchat almost constantly, compared to 12% on Instagram and 16% on TikTok.

10. Lack of meaningful parental controls

Snapchat recently improved its parental control settings, dubbed Family Center. Now, parents can see their child’s friend list and who they’ve contacted most recently, and they can more easily report suspicious behavior. However, Snapchat comes up short in a few key aspects: parents aren’t able to view what their teens are messaging, and there are no content filters to prevent kids from accessing inappropriate material. 

Not every parent and child will need to have message monitoring. But parents should have the option to do so if they need it.

What to do if your child wants Snapchat

Some of the concerns with Snapchat, like location sharing and stranger danger, are also risks with other social media apps. But Snapchat’s vanishing message feature is particularly concerning, as well as its comparative lack of parental controls and content filters. So, is Snapchat safe for kids? It depends on how it’s used and how closely you’re able to supervise.

We recommend having a conversation with your child about the risks that are inherent with Snapchat. There’s nothing wrong with having them hold off on getting Snapchat. If you do decide to let them Snap, walk through their privacy settings together, set up Snapchat Family Center, and reiterate your expectations — for example, they’re only allowed to talk to a limited number of contacts, and they have to consent to periodic phone checks during the week. 

If you set device rules, we recommend putting them down in writing with a digital device contract

The bottom line

Snapchat is a popular app among teens, but it’s not really designed with the best interest of minors in mind. It’s important for parents to stay involved if they allow their kids to use Snapchat. Monitor their activity, set boundaries, and use parental control tools.

FAQs

Is Snapchat safe for kids?

Snapchat has risks, including privacy concerns and exposure to harmful content. Parents should actively monitor their child’s activity if they allow Snapchat.

How can I make Snapchat safer for my child?

Set up Snapchat Family Center, use the strictest privacy settings, turn off Snap Map, and encourage your child to only accept friend requests from people they know in real life. If anyone makes them feel uncomfortable online, talk to them about how to handle it.

Are there alternatives to Snapchat?

Instagram is a popular alternative with similar Snapchat features and stronger parental controls. Other messaging app alternatives include Messenger Kids and iMessage with BrightCanary monitoring.

Person looking at Google on cell phone

Google and YouTube are two of the most popular platforms kids use online. But as a parent, how can you make sure these platforms are safe for your child? BrightCanary makes it simple to monitor your child’s Google and YouTube activity, using advanced AI to flag any concerning searches or videos. Here’s everything you need to know about how to set up Google and YouTube monitoring with BrightCanary.

How BrightCanary monitors Google and YouTube

example of brightcanary google monitoring report

BrightCanary is designed to take the stress out of supervising your child’s Google and YouTube use. You don’t have to manually review every search or video — BrightCanary uses powerful artificial intelligence (AI) to scan activity and identify red flags. That way, you can stay informed without wading through endless Google search queries or your child’s YouTube history. 

Once your child’s Google account is connected, BrightCanary tracks activity across Google Search, YouTube search, and YouTube videos as long as they’re logged into their account. And since Google and Youtube share the same login credentials, it’s easy to monitor both platforms in one place. All monitoring happens directly on the parent’s phone, so there’s no need to install anything on your child’s device. 

Ready to set up Google and YouTube monitoring? Follow these steps.

How to set up Google and YouTube monitoring with BrightCanary

creating a google account in brightcanary

Once you connect your child’s Google account, you’ll be able to monitor what they’re watching and searching for on Google and YouTube. Heads up: It may take a few hours to populate your child’s searches on Google and YouTube.

First, download BrightCanary on the App Store (that’s important!). 

1. Check if your child has a Google account

To effectively monitor your child’s activity, they need their own Google account. Using a shared account or browsing without logging in makes it harder to track their online activity. They should use this account on any device they use to browse the internet, whether it’s on their phone or tablet.

If your child already has a Google account, make sure they’re signed into the account on Google and YouTube. Then, go ahead to step 2. 

If they don’t have a Google account: 

  • For kids under 13, you can create a Google account through BrightCanary.
  • For teens 14 and older, they can create an account themselves at Google.com.

How to create a Google account in BrightCanary:

  1. From the BrightCanary dashboard, tap Connect Google or Connect YouTube.
  2. Tap “Need to create a Google account?” and follow the prompts.
  3. Enter your child’s name and age. Create their email and password. Keep these login credentials handy because you’ll use them later to set up BrightCanary monitoring.
  4. Verify your parent account as required.

You can also follow these steps to create your child’s Google account outside of BrightCanary.

2. Connect your child’s Google account to BrightCanary

After you’ve set everything up in Google, you’re ready to add your child’s account to BrightCanary. Make sure you have your child’s device nearby as you go through these steps.

  1. Open the BrightCanary app and tap “Connect Google.”
  2. Log in with your child’s Google email and password.
  3. Enter any security codes requested by Google.

3. Ensure your child uses their Google account across their devices

For accurate monitoring, your child should remain logged into their Google account whenever they use Google or YouTube. If they use a secondary account (such as for school), you can create another profile in BrightCanary and add that account, too. 

However, BrightCanary cannot track activity in incognito mode or on devices where your child is not logged in. We recommend using BrightCanary alongside other parental controls, such as periodically checking their phone and enabling content filters

Additional verification settings on Google

additional verification settings screen on Google

Google’s “Additional Verification” feature adds an extra password step to access account history. While this feature enhances security, it also prevents BrightCanary from syncing data. If BrightCanary notifies you about this issue, here’s how to disable the setting:

  1. Log into your child’s Google account at MyActivity.Google.com.
  2. Select “Manage my Activity verification.”
  3. Choose “Don’t require extra verification” to disable the feature.

FAQs

Can I monitor more than one Google account with BrightCanary?

Yes, BrightCanary supports monitoring multiple accounts at no extra charge. Follow the same setup process for each account.

What happens if my child uses a different Google account on their device?

BrightCanary will only monitor the connected account. Encourage your child to consistently use their dedicated Google account. Some parents make this a condition for having access to their own device — if they try to get around the rules, such as those outlined in a digital device contract, their device access may be revoked.

Does BrightCanary monitor private or incognito browsing?

No, BrightCanary cannot monitor activity in incognito mode because kids generally aren’t logged into their Google account when they’re private browsing

How does BrightCanary flag concerning content?

The app uses AI to scan searches, YouTube videos, and other activity for terms or content related to bullying, explicit material, self-harm, drugs, and other red flags.

What happens if Google’s Additional Verification is turned on?

BrightCanary will alert you and provide instructions on how to disable the setting for seamless monitoring.

Can I monitor YouTube Kids?

Yes, BrightCanary supports monitoring YouTube Kids. If your child is under age 13, they will only have access to YouTube Kids by default.

Will my child know their Google account is being monitored?

During initial setup, your child may receive a two-factor authentication code to give BrightCanary access to their account. After that, they won’t receive any additional notifications or indications that BrightCanary is monitoring their account. We always recommend that parents maintain open communication with their kids about why they’re using BrightCanary, how it works, and why online safety matters.

What should I do if my child’s Google account history isn’t syncing?

Check if “Additional Verification” is enabled and follow the steps above to disable it. If issues persist, contact BrightCanary support in the app.

The bottom line

BrightCanary is a simple, effective tool for monitoring Google and YouTube activity. Monitoring, when paired with open communication, can help parents guide their kids toward safe and responsible online habits. Ready to get started with online monitoring? Download BrightCanary on the App Store today and start your free trial.

two teens performing a TikTok challenge

From dance challenges to funny videos, TikTok has taken the world by storm. But is TikTok safe for kids? We’ll get into that issue and help you discover ways to keep your child safe on the app. 

What is TikTok?

TikTok is a social networking app where users can create, share, and discover videos and photos. Videos can be as short as 3 seconds and as long as 60 minutes. 

Users can browse content made by others, and the app uses an algorithm to serve up personalized content on its For You Page. Hashtags are used to group videos that correspond with things like memes, current events, or challenges

As of 2024, TikTok remains one of the top apps for teens ages 13–17. About 67% of teens say they use TikTok, and 16% of teens say they use it almost constantly, according to Pew Research Center. 

TikTok risks for kids

As fun as it can be, TikTok does have serious downsides. Here are the primary risks kids face when using TikTok:

  • Exposure to inappropriate content. The fact that you can find just about anything on TikTok is part of its appeal, but it’s also what potentially exposes kids to age-inappropriate content
  • Exploitation. According to a recent report by Forbes, predators are using TikTok to exploit minors by giving money and gifts in exchange for the child performing sexually suggestive acts on TikTok Live. 
  • Difficulty focusing. Experts warn that watching endless short videos makes it difficult for younger viewers to focus on slower-paced activities. The consequences of this fragmented attention has been dubbed TikTok Brain
  • Addiction. Research suggests that the personalized video recommendations served up by TikTok’s algorithm activate the reward centers of the brain, which can lead to addictive behaviors. TikTok’s own investigation showed that an average user is likely to become addicted to the app after viewing videos for just under 35 minutes. 
  • Negative body image. The data is clear that social media can have a negative impact on how kids feel about their own bodies. TikTok’s internal documentation revealed the company tweaked its algorithm to increase the reach of videos by conventionally attractive creators and to reduce the visibility of creators the company deemed unattractive.
  • Dangerous “rabbit holes.” Research by Amnesty International revealed that users whose activity on the app signals an interest in mental health issues often quickly have their For You Page flooded with potentially harmful content, including videos that romanticize self-harm and suicide. The same concern also exists for videos promoting disordered eating
  • Flimsy age verification. The minimum age to have a TikTok account is 13, but there’s no age-verification process for new accounts, so kids can easily fib. 

How safe is TikTok for kids? 

The safety of TikTok comes down to how your child uses it. For example, posting dance challenges on a private account to share with their friends is much safer than having a public account. You can further minimize the risks by monitoring their app use, taking advantage of safety features, and helping teach them how to use the app responsibly.

Here are some tips for how to help your child use TikTok safely: 

  • Start at the right age. TikTok’s minimum age for full accounts is 13 (with limited-access accounts for kids under 13). However, due to the risks, TikTok is more appropriate for teens 15 and up. 
  • Set up Family Pairing. TikTok’s Family Pairing allows for supervised accounts for minors. Parents can use these tools to filter out keywords, turn on restricted mode, set time limits, and more. 
  • Establish limits. Talk to your child about the risks of too much screen time and the importance of balancing device use with other activities. Set limits on how much they can use TikTok and add it to your family’s digital device contract

Final thoughts 

Although TikTok poses inherent risks for younger users, it’s possible for kids to use the app safely if the proper precautions are put into place.

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