As the digital world continues to become more integrated into our lives, it’s important for parents and guardians to set clear boundaries with children about their device use. By implementing a digital device contract, you can help ensure that your kids are using technology safely and responsibly. Setting expectations as a family will help kids develop healthy habits around technology usage, while also providing an opportunity for open dialogue about what kids encounter online.
You can create your own from scratch, or use a customizable one — like our free Digital Device Contract Template.
When customizing the contract for your family, it’s important to provide clear guidelines on how devices should be used. Some of these guidelines may include:
It’s also important to discuss what types of content are appropriate for them to view or share online across videos, images and text messages.
In addition to laying out specific rules regarding device usage, a digital device contract should also include consequences if those rules are not followed. For example, if your child goes over the agreed-upon time limit, then there could be restrictions placed on their access for the remainder of the day or week. You may also want to consider rewarding your child for following the rules, such as providing extra time if they have been particularly responsible in their device use.
The ideal moment to first introduce a digital device contract is when your child first gets his or her own phone or tablet. By putting together this document ahead of time, you can ensure that you both understand what is expected from the start. This will help avoid any confusion down the line and make sure that everyone knows exactly where they stand regarding usage rules and expectations.
Another good time to introduce or update your existing digital device contract is when your family’s circumstances change (e.g., moving house, starting at a new school). This gives you an opportunity to review how things are going so far and make any necessary adjustments. It’s also a good way to reiterate the importance of responsible online behavior and make sure your child is following the rules.
Finally, any time that your child expresses a desire to explore new technologies — whether it’s social media, video streaming services, or something else — it can be useful to have a digital device contract in place to help them understand the consequences of their actions. This can also be a great time to sit down and have an open conversation about the potential dangers of these new technologies and how they should be used safely.
Parents often make the mistake of thinking that talking to their kids about digital device contracts is a one-time conversation. But this type of dialogue should be an ongoing process throughout your child’s development as they learn how to safely and responsibly use technology. It's important for parents to stay informed on the latest trends in online safety, such as popular phishing scams or major password breaches. That way, you can discuss these topics with your children in an age-appropriate manner.
It’s important for both parties to understand exactly what is expected from them, so that everyone knows where they stand if any issues arise later on down the line. Be sure to explain each rule clearly and provide examples if necessary. Give your child space to ask questions while you review the contract.
Kids need to know that there are real repercussions for not following through with the terms of the agreement; otherwise, why bother making one at all? Make sure you outline clear consequences ahead of time and enforce them consistently when needed.
It's important to remember that you, as the parent, have a responsibility as well. Make sure you set realistic expectations for yourself: be diligent about monitoring your child’s online activity and checking in from time to time to make sure they are abiding by the contract. If there are any issues, be sure to address them immediately and take corrective action if needed.
You also have the opportunity to lead by example; if your child agrees not to use their phone during meals, you should stay off your phone, too.
Lastly, don't forget to revisit the digital use contract periodically with your child as they grow and learn. As technology advances, so too will the risks associated with it; being aware of these changes can help you keep your child safe online.
By following these tips, you can help ensure that your conversation about digital device contracts goes smoothly and that everyone understands the expectations set out in the agreement. To get started customizing your own contract, download this free template.
Bruh, I’m 🔥 AF. Say what?
You know you should monitor your child’s texts, but actually understanding their messages is a whole other story. Like previous generations of kids, Gen Z and Gen Alpha use slang to put their own spin on the way they communicate. But with social media contributing to the rapid spread of slang and emoji meaning in text messages, it can be extra hard for modern parents to keep up. So, what are the kids saying these days? Read on for a guide to some of the most common slang and emoji meanings you might find in your child’s texts, including ones that could mean they’re up to trouble.
If you’re concerned your child might be drinking or doing drugs, here are some emojis and slang you’ll want to know:
🤑👑💰💵🔌: Dealer advertisement
🍃🔥🌴🌲🍀😮💨: Marijuana
🍄: Hallucinogenic mushrooms
💊: Illicit use of prescription drugs
🔵🅿️🍌: Percocet or Oxycodone
🍫🚌: Xanax
A-🚆: Adderall
🔮💙💎🧪: Meth
🤎🐉: Heroin
❄️🌨️☃️💎🎱🔑😛🐡: Cocaine
♥️⚡️❌🍬: MDMA and Molly
🍇💜🍼: Cough syrup
Sexting is on the rise among kids and can come with big consequences. Here’s what you need to know to catch emoji innuendos on your child’s device:
🍆: Penis
🍑: Butt
🥵: "Hot" in a sexual sense.
🚛: “Dump truck,” which refers to a large and/or shapely bottom.
🌮: Vagina
🧠: Oral sex
💦: Ejaculation
👅: May indicate sexual activity, especially oral sex.
🤤: Desiring someone sexually (often used in response to nudes).
🍒: Breasts/testicles/virginity
🍝: Represents nudes, which are often called “noods.”
🔨: Used to refer to sexual activity.
🌽: Represents "porn," especially on TikTok.
Here are some additional emojis and slang to be aware of:
🥴: Used to express drunkenness, sexual arousal, or a grimace.
🙃: Used to express annoyance.
🤡: Used when someone is acting foolish (like a clown).
👻: Indicates being “ghosted” (dumped or cut off from contact with no explanation).
🧢: Symbolizes a lie, also known as a “cap.”
🥶: Often used in response to a snarky comment (as in, "That was cold").
💯: Used to give a stamp of approval.
🐍: Represents a snake or untrustworthy person.
☠️: Means “I’m dead,” as in they laughed so hard it killed them.
🔥: This symbol can be used to describe something very good or to describe when someone looks hot or sexy. It can also mean “lit,” as in intoxicated.
👀: Means one is feeling gossipy, as in “tell me more.”
Now that you know what to look for, make sure you’re on top of monitoring your child’s device. Regularly sit down and look at their messages with them. Consider signing up for a child safety app like BrightCanary, which even shows you deleted messages. Set clear expectations for texting behavior and to put it in writing with a digital device contract.
Kid’s texts can be filled with hard-to-decipher slang and secret codes. But with open communication, monitoring, and staying up on trends, you can spot trouble in your child’s texts so you can address the issue together.
While it’s responsible to monitor your child’s text messages, that doesn’t mean anything goes. It’s crucial to go about it in a way that’s respectful, thoughtful, and effective. Here are some of the top mistakes parents make when monitoring their child’s texts so you can avoid making them yourself.
Going behind your child’s back to monitor their messages is almost guaranteed to backfire when they inevitably find out. Trust is a two-way street — opt for being open with your child about your monitoring, and they’ll be more likely to return the effort by being honest with you about their behavior.
If you view monitoring your child’s texts as a way to catch them misbehaving, you set yourself up as an adversary, rather than an advocate. They’re likely to resent your actions and may go out of their way to evade your monitoring efforts.
Instead, approach monitoring as a partnership. You should have a mutual goal of keeping them safe and helping them if they make a mistake.
I just learned the term “beige flag,” and I kind of love it. It’s a dating culture term meaning behavior that may be odd or strange, but that doesn’t rise to the level of concern. I think “beige flags” can also apply to parenting.
When monitoring kids, parents need to decide what constitutes “red flag” behavior and what is merely notable-but-harmless beige behavior.
For example, maybe your child is dropping f-bombs all over their text threads, but the actual content of what they’re saying (and their accompanying behavior) is fine. That’s a beige flag. Are they actively texting about drugs and alcohol? Red flag — time to step in.
If your kid doesn’t know what’s expected of them when they’re texting, they may feel blindsided when you call them out for something they didn’t realize was a problem. Be clear about how you expect them to behave when texting and put it in writing with a digital device contract.
Monitoring your child’s texts is not a replacement for open communication. You still need to have the tough conversations with them about the risks that come with texting and help teach them how to be a responsible texter.
You also need to remember that even the best monitoring efforts won’t catch everything. It’s still important to keep up on your child’s life the old fashioned way — by talking with them.
Suppose that you learn your child has a new significant other, but they haven’t shared the news with you yet. You’ll probably want to run and ask them about the person — and why they didn’t tell you. DON’T do it.
As difficult as it may be, you need to respect the fact that your child deserves to keep some things private. The same goes for not deliberately digging around on their phone to find out the gossip about their life. Focus your monitoring on issues of safety. The rest is only your business if your child wants it to be.
It’s so tempting to read every message! It’s right there — why not? Well, for one thing, if your child is a typical teen texter, you’ll drive yourself absolutely batty trying to keep up: the average teen receives at least 237 texts per day, according to Common Sense Media.
Reading every single text may also contribute to your child feeling like you’re spying on them. As your child grows older and more mature, you’ll want to loosen the reins, and reading every message only adds to your mental load.
A monitoring app like BrightCanary gives you your time back. You can simply browse the “concerning” tab or wait until the app alerts you about something your child receives. The app even monitors deleted texts, so you don't have to worry about missing something big.
If you find something concerning, the first step is to (calmly) ask your child about it. Find out the full story from them, assuming the best until you find out otherwise. Ask your child what happened, using open-ended questions like, “Why did you send this?” or “Have you been sent something like this before, or is this the first time?” Remind them that your job is to keep them safe, and you want to work through this together.
You can’t protect your child from everything. Nor should you try. There’s value in making mistakes, especially when your child is still young and has you to help support them through the aftermath. Address the big stuff that you find on their texts, but also look for places where you can give them room to fail. That’s where the growth will happen.
Monitoring your child’s texts is a great way to help them stay safe online. But when parents aren’t honest about their monitoring, jump to conclusions, or go overboard in their efforts, it can have negative consequences.
To monitor or not to monitor: that is the eternal question of parenting in the digital age. As your child embarks on their social media life (or even if they’re already deep in it), it’s worth weighing the pros and cons of parents monitoring social media access for kids. Here’s how you can formulate a plan to keep them safe online and decide how much you want to supervise their online activities.
Social media monitoring is anything you do to supervise your child’s activity on social networks, such as Instagram and TikTok. Monitoring efforts can take several forms, including following your child on social media, regular tech check-ins, parental controls, and using a monitoring service. The most effective approach combines several monitoring methods based on what works best for your family.
Experts broadly recommend parents take an active role in their children’s social media use, with the American Psychological Association (APA) advising that parents monitor social media accounts for kids under 15.
Here are some of the benefits of monitoring your child’s social media:
Social media brings with it a whole host of risks for kids, including predators, cyberbullying, scams, anxiety, and exposure to dangerous trends. Monitoring your child’s social media activity means you’ll be more likely to spot red flags so you can address the issue head-on.
One of the jobs of modern parenting is teaching our children how to use social media and the internet safely and responsibly. Monitoring your child’s social media creates natural opportunities for learning and guidance.
Who your children follow and how they engage with others on social media is an important window into their lives. Monitoring their accounts lets you keep up on their interests and influences, including harmful ones.
Teens are notoriously private. As parents, it can feel like they’ve closed themselves off from us completely. While there’s no substitute for talking with your child, paying attention to what they post, share, and like on social media provides valuable insight into the state of their mental health so you can step in if needed.
While the data is clear that monitoring children’s social media is a net positive, it’s worth being aware of the possible downsides so you can get ahead of them.
Here are some of the potential drawbacks of monitoring your child’s social media:
Especially as they get older, a sense of privacy and independence is important for children’s development. However, this must be balanced by a need for safety.
The good news is, you can accomplish both. One key to this is being clear with your child that your goal is to keep them safe, not to get all up in their business unnecessarily.
BrightCanary uses AI to scan your child’s social media and alerts you to any red flags. It’s a great way to give them a measure of freedom because you can still keep an eye out for any concerns without combing over every single word they write online.
It’s true that your child might try to hide some online activity from you. But the answer isn’t “ignore the problem” or “do nothing.” Any effort you make to monitor your child’s activity online, even if they are thwarted, is better than nothing.
The key is to build in additional measures beyond simple monitoring. Make it clear that allowing you to monitor their accounts is a condition for using their device. Put it in writing with a digital device contract. Include clear consequences in the contract that kick in if you discover they’ve been sabotaging your efforts.
While there are some potential cons to monitoring your child’s social media, the pros far outweigh any downsides. Experts suggest monitoring children’s social media accounts until at least the age of 15. Whether you have regular phone checks, use parental control settings, or use a child safety app like BrightCanary, what matters is that you’re taking an active role in keeping your child safe on social media.
You gave your kid a new device, but neglected to make rules around its use. Perhaps you were caught up in the excitement or thought you could wing it. A few months in, as you watch them glued to their iPad for hours or catch them scrolling TikTok under the covers late into the night, you regret your hands-off attitude. You might be thinking, “How do I put restrictions on my child’s phone now?”
In reality, it’s never too late to go back and add rules for your child. That’s right — I said what I said. Your kid might beg to differ, but they’re not the parent. You are. Here’s how to buckle up and set new device rules.
It’s a good idea to have at least some basic rules in place around screen time and devices. Here’s why:
There isn’t just one right way to add rules. Here are some suggestions so you can find the right fit for your family:
Depending on their age, your child may need strict limits or a more flexible approach. There isn’t a gold standard for screen time by age, but at minimum, it’s a good idea to limit screens an hour before bed so it doesn’t interfere with sleep quality. You may also want to implement screen-free times and device-free zones — aka places in the house where devices can and can’t be used. For example, if family mealtime is a value in your house, keep devices away from the dinner table.
Be clear about the kind of behavior that’s acceptable online and what isn’t. Just as you expect your child not to bully others in real life, explain that it’s important to treat others how they would like to be treated online, too. The anonymity of the internet can sometimes make kids feel more comfortable behaving in ways they wouldn’t normally, like making fun of others or leaving harassing comments. Remind your child that what they share online exists forever, and they can be held accountable for their actions.
Part of this rule-setting involves safety behavior, too. Talk to your child about stranger danger and why they shouldn’t share personal information with people they don’t know. Set a rule that if someone makes them feel uncomfortable, they should talk to you or another trusted adult.
Apple and Android phones have in-depth parental control features that allow parents to set limits around who can contact their child, what they can download, and even how much time they spend on certain websites. For example, Apple Screen Time allows parents to prevent their kids from accessing explicit media, apps, and websites. Use these settings to add restrictions to your child’s devices for free.
Parental monitoring apps, such as BrightCanary, give you visibility into what your child encounters on social media, YouTube, Google, and text messages. If your child uses these platforms, you can make BrightCanary a condition for using their device. For example, they can only have an Instagram account if they share their password with you, agree to BrightCanary monitoring, and make their Instagram account private.
So often, we’re told that we must remain firm with our kids or else. But the truth is, you are allowed to change your mind and add new rules after you realize the current plan isn’t working. The same goes for setting a boundary that you later realize is too strict.
Change your mind too often, and your kids may spot an inroad for gaming the system, but occasional shifts demonstrate flexibility and teach your kids the importance of incorporating new information into the decision-making process.
Here are some tips for explaining the new rules to your kids:
Explain why you changed your mind and what you hope the new rules will accomplish. Be prepared for pushback — your kid is likely to be upset about the new rules. Let them know their opinion is heard and their feelings are valid, but remain steadfast on your decision.
Look for opportunities for your child to be involved in creating the new rules. Perhaps you want them to engage in more screen-free activities. Ask them what they think are reasonable screen time limits to accomplish this. You have the final say, but allowing them to have input is more likely to result in buy-in. (You also might be surprised by what they come up with.)
Once the new rules are set, it’s important to create a plan for enforcement. Here are some strategies to ensure accountability:
It’s never too late to implement rules around device use with your child. The key is to be clear and firm and create a means for accountability.
You’ve taken all the right steps to monitor your child’s text messages. The device contract is signed, you hold regular tech check-ins, and you’ve signed up for a monitoring app. Great job! But do you know what to do when your child sends inappropriate texts? What if you discover they sent explicit images, shared violent videos, or bullied one of their peers?
The answer is not to freak out, throw their phone in the trash, and ground them for life. Read on for practical tips on talking to your child about sending inappropriate text messages.
Text messages and social media messaging can be full of concerning content for kids, and that can lead to some pretty questionable behavior.
Here are some examples of what you might find:
There are many reasons a child may send inappropriate messages. That could include peer pressure, the desire for acceptance, and attention seeking. It’s also important to remember their brains are still under construction.
The prefrontal cortex, involved in things like decision-making, doesn’t finish developing until around age 25. That means kids can be impulsive, without thinking through the consequences of their actions. It’s not dissimilar from the reasons kids misbehave or rebel in other ways, but the sheer scale of inappropriate messages online can feel like uncharted territory — especially to parents who didn’t grow up in the digital era.
Establishing expectations for responsible behavior over messages should ideally start before you hand your child their first device, and it should be an ongoing conversation as they grow up.
If that ship has already sailed, let this be your sign to start now, before you discover an issue. And if that ship has already sailed and you’ve come to this article because you just found something upsetting on your child’s phone, take a deep breath, take the time you need to calm down, and get to it.
While early is best, it’s never too late. You’ve got this!
When you talk to your child about the inappropriate messages you found, it’s important to know both what to say and how to say it. Here are some tips for both:
If you discover your child has sent inappropriate messages, it’s important to approach them with a calm, open manner and discuss both the short- and long-term implications of their actions.
What are the benefits of text message monitoring? Research suggests that staying aware of what your child is up to can lower depressive symptoms and lead to fewer risky behaviors. And we know that text messaging opens kids up to specific risks like viewing explicit images, cyberbullying, toxic group chats, and online predators. Given these factors, it’s wise to monitor your child’s text messages. However, exactly what shape that monitoring takes will vary from family to family.
Children deserve a reasonable level of privacy. Younger kids need more hands-on supervision, while older teens can have more independence, depending on their maturity level. Spying on your child (except in rare, extenuating circumstances) is a violation of that privacy. But there’s a big difference between snooping around behind your child’s back and taking an active role in their digital life.
The key distinction is transparency. Be clear about how you expect your child to behave when they’re texting friends and what they should do if someone makes them feel uncomfortable. Let them know ahead of time that you will be monitoring their messages, and be specific about what that monitoring will look like.
Some parents choose to make text message monitoring a condition for letting their child use their device: in order to use their phone, the child has to let their parent monitor their text messages.
Think about it this way: you wouldn’t drop your child off in the middle of a crowd in a strange place and expect them to be fine. With parental monitoring, including text message monitoring, you’re guiding and protecting your child during a pivotal, and impressionable, time in their development.
The key to effectively monitoring your child’s texts is to pair it with other strategies. Here are some approaches we recommend:
There’s no hard-and-fast rule for the right time to stop reading your child’s texts. Ideally, your involvement in their digital life should shift as they age and demonstrate maturity and responsibility. Here are some factors to consider when setting your text message monitoring strategy:
Your child might not like the idea of text message monitoring, and you should prepare yourself for that possibility. Here are some talking points to help you navigate the conversation:
Pro tip: You can use a digital device contract to lay out the terms of how you’ll monitor your child’s texts, plus consequences for breaking those rules and expectations.
If you come across something inappropriate on your child’s phone, here are steps you can take to address it:
It’s important that parents take an active role in their child’s digital life. Depending on the child’s age, that includes text message monitoring. In order to respect your child’s privacy, it’s important to be transparent and set clear expectations every step of the way. Ready to get started with text message monitoring? With BrightCanary, parents can supervise their child’s texts on Apple devices. Start your free trial today.
Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:
Last week, New York City Mayor Eric Adams issued a health advisory about social media due to its impact on children. Mayor Adams designated social media an “environmental health toxin,” stating, “Companies like TikTok, YouTube, [and] Facebook are fueling a mental health crisis by designing their platform with addictive and dangerous features. We can not stand by and let big tech monetize our children's privacy and jeopardize their mental health.”
The health advisory aligns with findings from a recent survey published by Common Sense Media, which examined the state of kids and families in America in 2024. Based on responses from about 1,220 children and teens aged 12–17 nationwide, more adolescents are concerned about their mental health today than were previous generations.
Some notable statistics from the survey:
Social media isn’t the only factor impacting the youth mental health crisis. In a conversation with Education Week, Sharon Hoover — co-director of the National Center for School Mental Health — pointed to a range of factors that could be contributing to declining mental health among kids and teens, such as housing insecurity and food insecurity. These issues were exacerbated by the pandemic, to the point that living in an area with more severe COVID-19 outbreaks was deemed a risk factor for youth mental health symptoms.
Last year, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a health advisory warning that social media is a concern for adolescents. Excessive social media use is associated with depression and anxiety, as well as downstream effects from negative impacts on sleep quality. The key word here is “excessive” — it’s important for parents to set guardrails around the level of access kids have online, including how much time they spend on social media (and screens in general).
Here are some places to start:
Social media monitoring refers to supervising your child’s activity on social networks, such as Instagram and TikTok. The most effective plan for monitoring a child’s social media accounts employs a mix of approaches. Here are some options to explore.
A frustrating number of parental control settings are designed in such a way that kids can easily bypass or even change them, rendering them all but useless. Luckily, there are options which allow parents to set boundaries and have some peace of mind.
👀 Do social media insiders let their kids use platforms like Instagram and TikTok? Parents working at large tech companies said they did not trust that their employers and their industry would prioritize child safety without public and legal pressure, the Guardian reports.
📱 Meta has rolled out a few updates for teen users: new “nighttime nudges” will remind teens to go to sleep when they use Instagram late at night, and Instagram will restrict strangers from sending unsolicited messages to teens who don’t follow them. Meta will also allow guardians to allow or deny changes in default privacy settings made by teens.
🏛️ The Florida House has passed a bill to ban social media accounts for users under age 16. The bill doesn’t list which platforms would be affected, but it targets any social media site that tracks user activity, allows children to upload material and interact with others, and uses addictive features designed to cause excessive or compulsive use.
📍 With just a few pieces of information, this TikToker can pinpoint your exact location — and it’s a great lesson in online safety.
Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.
Parents are told all the time how important it is that kids not get too much screen time. But how much is too much? How do you know when you’ve reached that point? And — most importantly — how do you get your kid to actually step away from the screen? We break down recommended screen time by age, plus tips to help your child put down their screens when time is up.
While headlines often depict screen time as a black-and-white issue, suggesting immediate dire consequences if your child exceeds screen time limits by even a minute, the actual research is less conclusive and expert recommendations are more nuanced.
Here are the current guidelines from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP):
If the lack of definitive guidelines for older children, teens, and tweens leaves you feeling like you’re floundering in the dark, don’t worry. There’s still plenty of expert guidance to help you determine when your child is getting too much screen time so you can adjust accordingly.
Here are some signs to watch for:
Below, we’ll walk through some tips to set boundaries around screen time in and around the home. It’s a good idea to lay out these rules in a digital device contract that you discuss with your kids and revisit as they grow older.
For preschool- and elementary-aged kids, parents should still be fairly involved in their screen-time routine.
Tips for younger kids:
By the time kids reach their middle school years, parents can start giving a little more leeway, but should maintain plenty of hands-on involvement.
Tips for tweens:
The teenage years are a time for preparing to be an adult while still under the watchful eye and protective wing of actual adults. Teens still need some guardrails, but it’s important they start learning how to manage their own screen habits.
Tips for teens:
Regardless of your child’s age, here are some tips to help limit their screen time:
Screens are an unavoidable part of modern life, but it’s important that children develop healthy limits around their use. Parents should adjust their approach as children age to help them maintain balance and learn how to manage screen time on their own.
