What to Do When Your Child Changes Their Password Without Letting You Know

By Andrea Nelson
July 15, 2024
Worried father looking at phone because child changed password

In general, passwords shouldn’t be shared. However, there are several valid safety reasons parents might need access to their child’s passwords. But what happens if you discover your child has changed their password without telling you? Should you be concerned? How should you handle it? Read on to learn how to talk to your child about passwords and what to do if they change theirs.  

Reasons to have your child’s passwords

Here are some reasons you might want to have your child’s passwords

Password management

Some kids, especially younger or more forgetful ones, might need parental help keeping track of their passwords. Even if your child is older, it’s not a bad idea to have access to one or two important passwords, such as the master password on their computer or their password manager app. This will save you the headache of the password recovery process. 

Safety and security

It’s important that your kid uses strong passwords in order to keep their information safe. Particularly when your child is new to using technology, it can be a good idea to keep an eye on their passwords to make sure the ones they use are secure. 

Parents may also require access to their child’s passwords in order to periodically check their online activity. 

For a child safety app

If you use BrightCanary to monitor your child’s online activity, you need their passwords. Having their login credentials allows you to remotely monitor their text messages, social media, YouTube, and Google, all from your phone. 

Why kids might change their password 

There are several reasons why your child might change their password and not tell you, and most are nothing to worry about. 

  • They forgot their password. Your child may have forgotten their password, or it might have expired. In both these cases, they easily could have followed the prompts to reset it and not thought to mention it to you. 
  • Boundary testing. It’s totally normal for kids to exert their independence and push boundaries. Even if they have nothing to hide, they might still bristle at the idea of their parents having their passwords. 
  • They’re hiding something. Depending on your child, it may not be the most likely reason, but it’s possible they’re doing something online that they don’t want you to find out about.  

Talking to your child about passwords

If you haven't already had the password conversation with your child, now’s a great time to start. It’s also a great time for a refresher chat. Here are the important points to emphasize: 

  • Never share your password with anyone (except your parents). 
  • Always choose strong passwords. 
  • Change your passwords regularly. 
  • Develop a system for keeping track of passwords. 
  • Keep parents up to date on new passwords.  

Because password management is so important, consider including these expectations in your digital device contract

What to do if your child changes their password

If you discover (or suspect) that your child changed their password without telling you, it’s smart to follow up with them. Here are some suggestions for how to approach it. 

Talk to them 

Before you jump off the deep end speculating all the awful reasons your child might have changed their password, first take one simple step: ask them. Perhaps they simply forgot to tell you. Finding out why they did it will help inform your next steps. 

Remind them why you need their passwords

Reiterate that you’re not using their passwords to spy on your child, but you need their logins to help keep them safe. Emphasize your goal is to protect and support them and to help them learn to use the internet wisely. 

Enforce any consequences

If you discover your child is intentionally concealing their password and you’ve written a consequence for this into your digital device contract, it’s important to enforce it in order to underscore the importance of the situation. 

Help them set up a password manager 

A password manager is an excellent way to remember and protect passwords for both you and your child. Check out BrightCanary’s Password Vault, available for free in the BrightCanary app. 

You may also want to look into ways to prevent kids from easily changing passwords on their devices. For instance, if your child keeps turning off Apple Screen Time, know that you can set a passcode to limit their access.

Final thoughts 

As a parent, it’s important to teach your child how to manage their passwords, which may mean you need access to them. If they change a password without telling you, the first step is to find out why they did it and remind them why you need access to it. A written agreement about password sharing is a valuable tool to help you in your efforts. 

boy looking at phone in dark on bed

Parental controls help keep your child safe online. But not all parental control apps are created equal — some are prone to glitches, and many are not optimized for iPhones. Others are easy for today’s tech-savvy kids to delete or bypass. Here’s some ways kids can get around popular parental control apps and what to use instead.

How is my child bypassing parental controls?

Ineffective parental controls provide a false sense of security. Here are some of the ways your child might get around parental controls

  • The app runs off your child’s device: Many parental control apps work by installing an app or software on your child’s device. Without protections in place, kids can delete or disable the app on their device.
  • Your child uses an iPhone: Despite the fact that the majority of teens use iPhones, most parental control apps are optimized for Androids and don’t offer the same level of protections on iOS devices.
  • App limitations: Even the most robust apps aren’t perfect. In addition, Android and iPhone operating systems can limit what information apps can control. 
  • They’ve figured out a hack: Just Google “how to get around” plus whatever parental control app you’re using, and you’ll find tons of kid-to-kid advice. There’s even a subreddit devoted to sharing parental control hacks. 

Parental control apps your child can delete or disable

These popular parental control apps are easy for your child to get around.

Bark

While the Android version of Bark includes uninstall protections, if your child figures out the passcode, they can delete it. Kids can also remove Bark by doing a factory reset on their phone. And for Apple products, Bark doesn’t come with any uninstall protections.

On both Androids and iPhones, kids can go into Airplane Mode before deleting Bark to avoid their parents getting a notification. 

Norton Family

It’s fairly easy for kids to remove or disable the Norton app without their parents being notified. What’s more, when a child deletes the app without the child account being disabled first, it may delete all of the data on their phone, according to one reviewer

On a computer, kids can temporarily disable Norton by closing it in the Tasks Manager. Norton also doesn’t work on iOS for Mac. 

mSpy

mSpy sends parents a notification if the app is uninstalled. However, it lacks any two-step authentication like a device code or account credentials. So, it’s simple for kids to delete it without any significant barriers. Kids can also get around mSpy by using anti-spyware apps or spoofing their location. 

Qustodio

If your child figures out your password, they can disable protection and remove Qustodio from their phone. They can also use incognito or private browsing mode to subvert it. 

Kids can also get around Qustodio by using alternative browsers, such as Tor Browser or VPN-enabled browsers. Qustodio requires specific settings and permissions on your child’s device in order to connect, so if they change these, you’ll lose access. 

What to look for in a parental control app

Now that you know what to avoid, here’s what features to look for: 

  • Designed for your operating system. Whether you’re an Android or an Apple user, find an app that’s designed for your device. 
  • Easy to use. Avoid apps with cumbersome installation or those that require you to regularly update content on your child’s device.
  • Robust privacy protection. Choose an app that encrypts and protects user information.  

How BrightCanary is different

BrightCanary is the best parental control app for iPhone users. Parents just install the BrightCanary Keyboard on their child's device, which monitors what their child types and searches for online. And with Apple Screen Time, you can block your child's ability to remove the BrightCanary app on their phone or use other keyboards.

BrightCanary's keyboard-based monitoring avoids the places other monitoring apps come up short. For example, you'll still be able to monitor incognito browsers and new apps your child might use — as long as it's typed, we'll be able to report on it.

When you download the BrightCanary app and start your free trial, we'll walk you through how to prevent app uninstalls. Learn more about how BrightCanary works.

What parental control apps can’t be deleted?

The following parental controls truly can't be deleted because they're built into the device's operating system.

Apple Screen Time

Apple Screen Time comes built-in on iPhones, offers a lot of options for managing your child’s device, and is very customizable. Plus, it’s free! 

Google Family Link

Google Family Link is an excellent, free parental control app for Android devices. And because it runs off the parent’s account, kids can’t delete it. 

Summary

It’s a parent’s responsibility to help their child stay safe online through parental control apps and regular check-ins. That’s why it’s vital to stay informed and find the right tools for your family's needs. BrightCanary offers comprehensive monitoring on iPhone devices across all the apps your child uses, and you can use Apple's free parental controls to prevent uninstalls. Download today to start your free trial!

Stranger things age rating for kids 14 and older

After lengthy delays due to the pandemic and the SAG/AFTRA strike, Stranger Things is finally filming a much-anticipated fifth and final season. The surrounding buzz has parents wondering about the Stranger Things age rating and if the show is appropriate for kids. To help you decide if this show is right for your child, here are some factors to consider. 

Stranger Things age rating

Stranger Things is rated TV-14 by the TV Parental Guidelines Rating System. According to the rating guide, TV-14 labels are given to shows which contain some material that parents might find unsuitable for children under 14 and parental caution is advised.  

Common Sense Media also ranks the show as suitable for ages 14+. This sci-fi/horror show features some adult content, including violence and gore. 

Language in Stranger Things

There is quite a bit of swearing and other strong language in Stranger Things. Characters also throw up the middle finger quite a bit. Considering the characters will be older in season five, it’s unlikely the language will get any cleaner. 

Stranger Things also includes bullying language, including homophobic slurs and racially charged descriptors. That kind of language might be an accurate reflection of the 1980s-era the show is set in, but parents who don’t want their children exposed to it should take caution — or have a plan to discuss the use of this language together. 

Is there sex and nudity in Stranger Things?

There is mild sex and nudity in Stranger Things. Teen characters frequently kiss, and during one makeout scene, a teen takes off her shirt, exposing her bra. The show also features quite a bit of sexual references, such as orgasm innuendos. Perhaps most disturbing, an adult character discusses their plan to have an affair with an older teen. 

Is there violence in Stranger Things?

Given that Stranger Things bills itself as horror, it should come as no surprise that the violence and gore are quite intense. The show frequently features gruesome deaths, including the deaths of children and teens. Sympathetic characters die, not just bad guys. Monsters also attack, manipulate, and possess characters with some regularity. And there is a fair amount of fistfighting and other teenage rumbling.

Is Stranger Things scary?

Stranger Things is definitely not for the faint of heart. There are slasher-style scares, epic monsters, and child characters who regularly find themselves in extremely dangerous situations. This includes a 12-year-old boy who is abducted and held captive by a super creepy humanoid monster. Needless to say, younger or more sensitive children are likely to be frightened by the content. 

Is there substance use in Stranger Things?

There is some substance use and abuse depicted in Stranger Things. Adults are often seen smoking (hey, it was the ‘80s!), and it’s suggested that one adult character has a problem with prescription pills and alcohol. 

Underage drinking is also depicted, sometimes to excess. Other drugs, such as cannabis and cocaine, are referenced. In season four, a supporting character is often high on marijuana. 

Final thoughts 

Parents should know that Stranger Things features content that may not be appropriate for their child or young teen. It’s generally appropriate for kids over 14, but every child and family are different, so it’s a good idea for parents to evaluate the show and make a decision that’s right for their child and their family’s values. 

If you’re concerned about what your child may be watching, BrightCanary can help you supervise their viewing and other online activity. While BrightCanary doesn’t cover streaming services like Netflix, the app’s advanced technology scans your child’s social media, Google, YouTube, and messages and alerts you when they encounter something concerning. 

Kids can go down rabbit holes when they start looking up their interests online. If your child starts watching Stranger Things videos on YouTube, the platform may start recommending horror content they’re not ready to see on their own. In those instances, it’s helpful to have a child safety system like BrightCanary — so you know when you need to step in. Download BrightCanary and start your free trial today.

hand holding nokia phone over pink wall

Dumb phones are the perfect way to give your child a phone, without letting them have social media at their fingertips. And because of their rising popularity, there are more options on the market now than ever. Read on to learn all about the dumb phone, including our top picks for the best dumb phones for kids. 

What are dumb phones?

Dumb phones are stripped-down devices with basic features such as calling and texting, but without the more advanced options smartphones offer. While some include functions like internet browsing, their design prioritizes essential telephone functions and eliminates addictive temptations like social media

Dumb phone vs. flip phone

Although the terms are often used interchangeably, there’s actually a distinction between dumb phones and their retro counterpart, the flip phone. Unlike flip phones, dumb phones typically resemble smartphones in the way they’re built. Both are pared down devices, but dumb phones usually include some conveniences — like a touch screen, navigation, and the ability to play music — that many flip phones leave out. 

Why more kids are using dumb phones

Gen Z is driving the trend toward dumb phones. There are several reasons for this shift toward less-is-more technology:

Nostalgia

Hot on the heels of the 90’s fashion comeback, the Y2K aesthetic is back in a big way. Many young people are going beyond slip dresses, trucker hats, and low-rise jeans to bring the early aughts to their tech life as well. That includes gravitating toward simpler, turn-of-the-century technology when the bygone Blackberry reigned supreme. 

Mental health 

Experts have sounded the alarm about the youth mental health crisis. While there are multiple contributing factors, it’s now widely recognized that social media contributes to mental health concerns in adolescents. Some teens are taking matters into their own hands and choosing simpler technology solutions that don’t include social media.

Tech fatigue

Perhaps because they were some of the first people to live their entire lives around screens, many Gen Zers are rejecting a tech-centered existence. Opting out of social media, pushing for regulation of big tech, and turning to dumb phones are some of the ways young people are taking control of their relationship with the internet. 

Our picks: Best dumb phones for kids

If you’re interested in getting a dumb phone for your child, there are more options than ever. We’ve rounded up some recommendations to get you started:  

Nokia 225 4G

Cost: $49.99

Compatible carriers: Go Talk, Metro, and T-Mobile.

What makes it stand out: The Nokia 225 4G is a budget-friendly device at the intersection of flip phones and dumb phones. It has the stripped down simplicity of a flip phone, with a few of the bells and whistles you’ll find in the other dumb phones on our list, like a web browser and an Mp3 player. 

Wisephone

Cost: $399, currently available for preorder 

Compatible carriers: This phone can’t be used with any of the major carriers. Techless offers their own plans, starting at $24.99/month.  

What makes it stand out: The Wisephone by Techless bills itself as a “beautiful, boring phone.” With a sleek body that calls the iPhone to mind, the Wisephone comes with essential tools such as navigation, phone and text capability, and a high-quality camera. Users can customize additional features, but you won’t find social media apps anywhere on this device. 

The Light Phone

Cost: $299, currently available for preorder 

Compatible carriers: In addition to their own Light plan, this unlocked 4G LTE cell can be used with T-Mobile, Verizon (no prepaid, no numbershare), AT&T, Ting, Mint, and US Mobile.

What makes it stand out: The Light Phone is adorably small, containing just what you need with none of the frills. It offers talk and text, directions, podcasts, music, and a number of productivity apps. Like our other picks, social media apps are not available for this device. There’s not even a web browser! 

Gabb Phone 

Cost: $199.99 

Compatible carriers: Only available on the Gabb Wireless network. 

What makes it stand out: The Gabb Phone is the only device on our list specifically designed for kids and teens. It includes clean music streaming, safe text messaging, and a parent-managed app library. 

The final word 

Dumb phones are a great device option for kids. They eliminate some of the primary concerns parents have, like access to social media, and offer a minimalist experience for kids looking to cut back on tech. 

Family cooking together

Guilt over not spending enough time with our kids has become as much of a parenting rite of passage as diaper blowouts and teaching them to drive. Modern parents can breathe a sigh of relief, though, because research indicates that it’s more important to focus on quality over quantity. If you’re looking for new ideas for bonding with your kids, here are our team’s top eight tips for spending quality time with family.

1. Family movie night 

Get out the popcorn and make a beeline for the best spot on the couch — it’s time for family movie night. If it’s hard to squeeze in a full movie between dinner and bed, there are plenty of family-friendly TV shows to choose from instead. Consider taking turns on who picks what you watch. 

Not sure if a TV show is safe for kids? Common Sense Media is an excellent resource to help you figure out if content is age-appropriate.

2. Snuggle up and read 

Not only is reading with your child a wonderful way to spend time together, it also supports literacy. Many older children who can read independently still enjoy being read to.

My kiddo and I struggle to read books together because he can’t wait and always finishes them without me. If that sounds familiar, try picking up your own book and reading next to each other. Modeling reading also provides a lot of benefits to kids. Plus, you can’t beat the opportunity to snuggle. 

3. Family dinner

There is an abundance of research pointing to the benefits of eating together as a family, including a positive impact on children’s self-esteem, mental health, and communication skills. If work or activity schedules make family dinners difficult, never fear. The key is a shared meal; it doesn’t matter which one, so long as you’re turning off screens and connecting with each other while you eat.  

4. Tech timeouts

Speaking of turning off screens during meals, creating opportunities for screen-free connection is a great way to enhance the time you spend with your family. Consider establishing screen-free times, such as during dinner or before bed, or designating no-tech zones in your house.

5. Game night 

Pull out the Monopoly board and get ready to bond over some friendly competition. If you’re looking for fresh ideas to revamp your family game night, check out this handy list

6. Cook a meal 

Go a step beyond family dinner and try cooking a meal together. As an added bonus, involve your kids in the planning and shopping, too. Not only will you get to spend quality time together, but they’ll also learn important skills. Here are some recipe ideas and tips to get you started. 

7. Plant a family garden 

Head outside and get your hands dirty. Planting a garden as a family is another excellent way to spend quality time together. Kids will enjoy watching their efforts flourish as the season goes on, and they can pick the fruits of their labor to use in family meals! 

8. Nature scavenger hunt 

A nature scavenger hunt moves your family outside and gets everyone engaged in a shared activity. Scavenger hunts can be tailored to your region or kept generic, and you can increase the complexity if your kids are older or nature buffs.  

boy looking at phone in front of laptop

The evidence is clear: too much screen time can be harmful for kids. To guard against these risks, it’s important that parents take an active role in regulating and monitoring their child’s screen time. Apple’s free Screen Time settings are a great place to start, but how does Apple Screen Time work? And what happens when Screen Time doesn’t work

Read on to learn more about Apple Screen time, including the pros and cons, and what options are available to parents looking to fill in the gaps. 

What is Apple Screen Time? 

Apple Screen Time is a free, built-in feature on all Apple devices. It allows parents to view how much time their child spends in particular apps and websites and control the amount of time they spend on each screen activity. 

How do I set up Screen Time on my child’s iPhone?

There are two ways you can manage Screen Time for your child: on your device through Family Sharing or directly on their phone. Here’s how:

Managing your child’s Screen Time using Family Sharing

First, you’ll need to add your child to a Family Sharing group. You can do that by adding a family member with their Apple ID. 

Once you’ve added your child to Family Sharing, follow these steps:

  1. On your computer, phone, or tablet, go to Settings > Screen Time.
  2. Scroll down to Family and select the name of the child you want to manage.
  3. Follow the on-screen instructions to customize Screen Time settings for your child. You can set time limits, app limits, and even limit App Store and iTunes purchases (we recommend turning this one on!). 
  4. Be sure to enter a Screen Time passcode when prompted so your child can’t change the settings. If you don’t have a Screen Time passcode, here’s how to set it up.

Managing your child’s Screen Time on their device

  1. On your child’s device, go to Settings > Screen Time.
  2. Follow the on-screen instructions to customize Screen Time settings for your child. 
  3. Enter a Screen Time passcode so your child can’t change the settings. 

The pros and cons of Apple Screen Time

Apple Screen Time demo screens with 5 minute alert
Source: Apple

While Apple Screen Time is an excellent tool for parents, it has some downsides and doesn’t address every concern parents may have. Here’s what works and what doesn’t: 

Pros

  • Provides customizable parental controls on most areas of concern, such as content filtering and blocking specific apps and websites.
  • Gives parents the ability to limit who can contact their child through text, phone, and FaceTime. 
  • Parents can limit purchases made on the device. 
  • Allows parents to set screen time limits. 

Cons

  • Parents can’t see what their child does online, only where they spend their time. 
  • It’s complicated (especially when managing multiple kids). 
  • It can be unreliable. It’s not uncommon for screen time limits to randomly go away.
  • Sometimes, settings don’t show up on a child’s device right away. 
  • Kids can get around Apple Screen Time
  • It’s limited to Apple devices, meaning your child’s school device likely isn’t covered. 

How BrightCanary fills in the gaps

If you want to take advantage of the benefits of Apple Screen Time, but are concerned it’s not robust enough, BrightCanary is an excellent companion. 

BrightCanary is a child safety app that gives parents increased visibility into what their kids type, search, and send online. It covers activity across all the apps your child uses, including Google, YouTube, social media, and text messages. 

And because all parents can use a helping hand, BrightCanary alerts you in real time if your child encounters any danger online, so you don’t have to look at everything on your own.

Think of it this way: Apple Screen Time helps you limit how much time your child spends on their device. BrightCanary shows you what your child encounters when they’re online and messaging friends.

FAQs

Will Apple Screen Time block or filter my child’s device?

Yes. Using Content & Privacy Restrictions in Screen Time, parents can block or limit specific apps and features on their child's device. They can also restrict explicit content and prevent purchases and downloads. 

What can parents see on Apple Screen Time?

On Apple Screen Time, parents can see how much time their child spends on specific apps and websites. 

Does Apple Screen Time show text messages?

No. Apple Screen Time does not allow parents to view their child’s texts. For text message monitoring for iPhone, you’ll need an app like BrightCanary.

In short

Apple Screen Time provides parents with useful, but limited, options to manage their child’s screen time. If you want to understand your child’s online activity when they’re using their device, BrightCanary provides parents more insight for iOS devices. 

Girl checking phone in bed

Today’s kids are more online than any generation before them. The internet is inextricably linked to nearly every part of their lives. That ever presence means it’s more important than ever to teach your child about digital literacy. But what is digital literacy, and why does it matter?

What is digital literacy?

Digital literacy refers to both the technical and cognitive skills needed to navigate our online world. An important part of digital literacy is the ability to find information online and evaluate the reliability of that information. It also involves knowing how to make smart decisions about sharing information online. 

For today's kids, digital literacy comes into play with everything from school projects, to YouTube videos, to social media. When kids are skilled in digital literacy, they’re more capable of identifying reputable information and sources.

Note that digital literacy isn't the same thing as digital citizenship, which refers to how your child behaves with others online — but both are worth discussing as your child starts to use the internet independently.

Why digital literacy matters 

How we seek and share information has changed dramatically in recent years. In addition to resources like books, mainstream newspapers, and network news — all of which go through some form of validation or fact-checking process — we now have endless streams of information from anyone with an internet connection. 

While many of these new online sources are reliable, plenty of others are from self proclaimed “experts” who don’t know their facts. Intentional disinformation, including deepfakes, is also a growing concern. And the rapid rise of artificial intelligence has further muddied the waters, generating information that sounds credible but oftentimes isn’t.  

Here are several ways digital literacy skills help kids navigate this new information landscape: 

Gives them the tools to find reliable information online

The ability to find valid information online is not only useful for schoolwork. It’s a skill that will benefit them for the rest of their lives as they seek information about topics like their health, finances, employment, and news. 

Helps them understand their social feeds and evaluate who they follow

If a person posts a video where they speak authoritatively on a subject, it’s easy to take it at face value. Digital literacy helps kids evaluate the reliability of the people and information that comes across their feeds. For example, if someone is spouting mental health advice but isn’t actually a trained professional, your child should recognize that their information may not be entirely accurate.

Provides a framework for ethical behavior online

Digital literacy is an important component of behaving responsibly in a digital world. It’s the difference between sharing credible information and misinformation. If your child recognizes that a source may not be trustworthy, they’ll know to tread carefully if friends are sharing conspiracy theories or other faulty information.

How to talk to your kids about digital literacy

Digital literacy is such a broad concept that it can be daunting to know how to talk about it with your kids. Start small and build on their learning as they get older. 

Here are some tips to get you started: 

Show them how to find reliable information online 

Teach your kids to look for sites that are backed by reputable organizations and run by people with expertise. It’s also a good idea to check the date on the article to make sure the information is current. Check out these additional tips on evaluating internet resources from Georgetown University Library

Explain deepfakes

Fake videos created by artificial intelligence (aka deepfakes) are on the rise. Teach your kids to be on the lookout for things like odd facial movements or pixelation — a few red flags that the video may be artificially generated. 

Coach them to pause before they post

Pausing to consider the validity of a post before sharing it helps prevent the spread of disinformation. If something online seems unbelievable, there’s a good chance it’s not trustworthy.  

This also goes for original posts that your child makes. Explain that vague posts and unclear online communication can easily cause confusion and conflict. Learning what’s okay to share online and what’s not is a major part of developing digital literacy. 

Talk to them about algorithms

Help your child recognize why certain things come across their feeds. If they begin engaging with fringe theories and inflammatory content creators, they’ll see more of that content on their social media. 

Practice media monitoring 

Stay involved in your child’s online life so you can continue to guide them toward greater digital literacy. Regular tech check-ins and using a child safety app like BrightCanary are great ways to stay in the loop about what your child is up to online. 

Teach your child to be a good digital citizen 

Digital literacy isn’t only about evaluating other’s actions. It’s also about learning to be a responsible member of the online community. Help your children learn to live their values online by being intentional about their behavior.

PBS learning media’s Be MediaWise is a series of digital literacy lessons geared toward kids. The videos are short, fun, and informative. Check them out with your child to continue the conversation on digital literacy. 

The final word 

Like reading and writing, digital literacy is a core skill today’s kids need to succeed in the modern world. Help your child learn to be internet wise by teaching them how to check online sources, protect their privacy, and be a good digital citizen.  

Closeup of teen girl texting on iPhone

If you suspect your child might be deleting their text messages in an attempt to hide them from you, it’s natural to be concerned and want to investigate. If you’re trying to figure out how to see your child’s deleted texts on iPhone (and if you should even read them in the first place), then you’ve come to the right place. This article covers ways to access deleted texts and how to decide if this is the right approach for your circumstances. 

Should I read my child’s deleted texts? 

First things first: spying on your child is generally not a good idea. It’s an invasion of their privacy and could jeopardize the mutual trust you’ve worked to build with them. If you feel it’s necessary to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s important to be transparent with them rather than going behind their back. 

So, how do you decide if it’s necessary to read their deleted texts in the first place? Here are some tips: 

Consider your reasons

The fact that your child is deleting texts probably isn’t enough on its own to warrant trying to access the missing messages. In fact, there are perfectly innocent reasons this may be happening, like the age-appropriate desire for privacy and independence. 

There are, however, concerning reasons they may be concealing messages. If you suspect something more serious like drugs or alcohol, investigating further is a good idea. 

Exhaust other options first

If you suspect your child may be deleting their texts for a concerning reason, your first course of action should be to talk to them. Let them know you’re worried and your priority is their safety. Ask them what’s going on and give them the space to tell you without judgment. 

How to restore deleted texts

After considering the above points, if you still feel it’s necessary to view your child’s deleted texts, here’s how to do it.

Messages app 

Available for: iOS 16 and above. 

How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)

Steps to restore texts

  • Open the Messages app
  • Tap Edit in the upper-left corner
  • Choose Show Recently Deleted
  • Tap the message(s) you want to recover
  • Select Recover in the lower-right corner
  • Tap Recover Message(s)

iCloud 

How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)

Important note: Because this method requires factory resetting your child’s iPhone settings, all of the data on their phone will be wiped out. So, it’s important to back up their data first, especially from the Messages app — or you’ll wipe out the very data you’re trying to access.

Steps to back up your child’s data: 

  1. Go to Settings
  2. Tap your child’s name
  3. Go to iCloud
  4. Select Manage Storage > Backups

Steps to restore texts:

  1. Go to Settings > General
  2. Scroll down and select Reset
  3. Select Erase All Content and Settings
  4. Turn on your kid’s iPhone and set it up from the start
  5. On the Apps and Data window, choose Restore from iCloud Backup

BrightCanary 

This is definitely the easiest method to view your child’s deleted texts. (Just two steps!) BrightCanary is also the only child safety app that allows parents to review deleted texts on iOS devices.

How far back it can go: Monitoring begins as soon as your child's account is connected to BrightCanary. Any texts your child sends, receives, or deletes after that point will remain in their text history. 

Steps to view deleted texts: 

  1. Open the BrightCanary app
  2. On the dashboard, tap text messages
  3. Look for the Deleted tag as you scroll through conversations

If you haven’t set up text message monitoring with BrightCanary yet, here’s how to do it.

Additional steps to monitor your child’s text messages

The best way to monitor your child’s text messages is to be proactive so you don't need to read their deleted texts in the first place. Here are some ideas: 

  • Encourage open communication. When your child first gets their phone, make it clear your goal is to help them learn to use it safely. Encourage them to come to you with any problems.
  • Digital safety check-ins. Make it a point to regularly sit down with your child to look at their phone together and talk about how they’re using it.
  • Download BrightCanary. BrightCanary uses advanced technology to monitor your child’s text messages and alert you to any issues so you can head them off before they become a problem. 

The bottom line

The best approach to monitoring your child’s text messages is open communication and the use of a monitoring app, such as BrightCanary. If you’re concerned and feel the need to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s best to be transparent with them about it first. 

Girl looking at phone under blanket in dark

No, that’s not a typo. We don’t mean phishing. Smishing — phishing’s younger sibling — is an increasingly common form of cyberattack and one parents need to know about so they can help their kids stay safe. But what is smishing? Read on to learn what this scam entails and how to prevent it from happening to your child. 

What is smishing? 

Like phishing, smishing is when a scammer sends a message attempting to steal information or money. But instead of using email, smishing is conducted over text. 

Smishing gained its moniker because texting is also known as SMS (short message services). Scammers send messages, often including a link, to elicit the recipient to provide personal information. 

Smishing is a relatively new phenomenon and one that’s on the rise. As spam filters have become increasingly sophisticated, it’s now much harder for email and phone scams to reach their intended targets. People are also much more likely to click on texts than they are email links. “Smishers” know this and take full advantage. 

Examples of smishing scams

There are a number of common smishing scams. Here are a few that are most likely to fool kids:

Pretending to be locked out of an account

These scams use multifactor authentication (MFA) to commit fraud. For smishers to pull this off, they must first obtain a victim’s username and password. Then, they pose as someone the victim knows, claiming to be locked out of their Instagram or Facebook account. They ask the victim to receive the code for them and pass it on. 

Posing as customer support

Smishers may pretend to be customer service agents, choosing trusted brands like Amazon, Microsoft, or the victim's wireless provider to try and catch the target off guard. It’s common for these messages to claim there’s a problem with the victim’s account or that they’re owed a refund or other unclaimed reward. These texts typically include a link that routes the victim to a fake website. There, the person is prompted to enter their credit card or banking information. 

Pretending to text the wrong number

Scammers play the long game on this one, often over months or even years. They send a text that looks like it’s meant for someone else. When the victim responds that it’s the wrong number, the smisher strikes up a text conversation with the victim, attempting to gain their trust, friendship, or romantic affection. They then try to steal the victim’s money with a bogus request like asking to borrow money for a personal emergency.

Posing as a shipper

For this type of scam, smishers pretend to be a common shipping company and claim there was an issue delivering a package. They say the recipient must pay a “delivery fee” or sign in to their account in order to get their package. Of course, the links go to fake sites where the smishers take the money or account information and disappear. 

Pretending to offer free apps

All those apps your teen likes to download could open them up to scams. Sometimes, smishers try to trick people into downloading seemingly legitimate apps that are actually malware or ransomware

How to talk to your child about smishing

It’s critical that parents talk to their child about smishing and other scams and teach them how to protect themselves. Here are some talking points:

  • Look at the URL. If a URL doesn’t match the website of the company the text is claiming to be from, that’s a red flag.
  • Check the spelling. Misspelled words in the URL or on the website itself are an indicator it might be a scam. 
  • Keep passwords under wraps. Teach your child they should never share their password with anyone (except their parents). 
  • Don’t share personal information. Talk with your kid about the importance of not sharing any personal information online or over text. 

In addition to talking to kids about online safety, parents should also monitor their child’s phone to watch for any red flags. BrightCanary uses advanced technology to scan your child’s texts and let you know if there’s a problem.

What to do if your child is a victim of smishing

If you think your child has been the victim of a smishing (or any type of scam), it’s important to report it. Here’s how:

  • For sextortion or other forms of abuse: Contact the your local FBI field office or call 1-800-CALL-FBI or report it online tips.fbi.gov.
  • For financial scams: Contact your bank and report the scam. Ask your bank to reverse the charges, then report the scam to the Federal Trade Commission. You can report the scam online or by calling 1-877-382-4357.

The bottom line

Smishing scams are on the rise. In comparison to phishing, which can take place over email or phone, smishing happens over text messages. Parents need to be aware of them so they can help their kids stay protected. 

Teen boy looking at phone

If it feels like your previously communicative kiddo suddenly turned into the silent type when they became a teenager, you’re not alone. It’s common for teens to have a hard time talking to their parents.

Texting is often a good way to get them to open up because it removes a lot of the things that make communicating face-to-face difficult for teens. For example, teens may have a difficult time accurately interpreting adult’s tone and facial expressions. Texting eliminates that barrier. 

But before you fire up your thumbs and start texting your kid, here are some important things you should know about texting teens:

1. Punctuation? What punctuation? 

It turns out teens have a lot of feelings about punctuation in texts. Here are some of the unofficial punctuation rules for texting your teen:

  • Don’t end with a period. Period. While the mid-text period is (fortunately) still allowed, ending a text with a period can cause teens to feel like what you’re saying is serious or worry that you might be mad. It may even come across as rude
  • Ellipses are stressful. When adults end a text with three dots, well … it can leave teens with too much to figure out. They often wonder what you’re leaving unsaid, and it can make them anxious.
  • Don’t overdo it. Teens use punctuation very sparingly when they text. Receiving a text with too much punctuation can be off-putting for them. A combo question-mark-and-exclamation-point seems to be especially upsetting to the younger set. 
  • They love exclamation points! So! Much! Although exclamation points might feel aggressive to the adult eye, to teens they are an unambiguous sign of enthusiasm and positivity! (Except when you’re mad at them. They can tell when an exclamation point means you’re yelling.)

2. Capitalization is out

It’s pretty common for teens to text in all lowercase. (I know!) They may not expect you to match them in eschewing capital letters, but don’t give them a hard time when they do it — it’s just texting culture. 

3. Tread lightly with emoji 

Don’t tell my 74-year-old father, but it is, in fact, possible to overdo it with emoji — especially when you’re communicating with Gen Alpha. Too many can earn you a giant eye roll. And if you do use emoji, please, I beg of you, make sure you know what they mean

4. Go crazy with Bitmoji

For all their skepticism of emoji, it turns out teens are wild about Bitmoji and find it hilarious when their parents use them in texts. 

What is Bitmoji, you ask? It’s an app which allows you to personalize an avatar that looks like you, and you can use it to convey a whole host of things over text. 

See, here’s me writing about my feelings toward all-lowercase texting:

5. Don’t leave them on read. 

Getting “left on read” means sending a text to someone without getting a response back, even though the sender can see the other person received the message. Teens don’t like to be ignored over text, and they get upset when you leave them on read. (Sound familiar?) It helps to let them know realistic timelines for replying. 

6. Memes. Memes. Memes.

Memes are another beloved form of visual communication among teens — one that they’ve taken to a whole new level. They use memes to express a variety of emotions, from humor to fear. Memes can also help teens engage with and talk about difficult subjects in a way that’s less overwhelming. Your teen might groan the first few times you send memes, but they’ll appreciate that you’re trying to speak their language.

7. Don’t be a parrot. 

It can be tempting to try and talk like your teen as a way to connect. But this can backfire. It’s okay to just use words and phrases that are true to how you really communicate. But if you really want to use the same slang you hear from your kids, be sure to confirm what it means first

Instagram logo iconFacebook logo icontiktok logo iconYouTube logo iconLinkedIn logo icon
Be the most informed parent in the room.
Sign up for bimonthly digital parenting updates.
Please enable JavaScript in your browser to complete this form.
@2024 Tacita, Inc. All Rights Reserved.