As a parent, you want your child to surround themselves with good influences. That’s true not only for who they spend time with in real life, but also for the people and ideas they’re exposed to on social media.
If you or your child are concerned about the content appearing in their feed, one beneficial step you can take is to help them reset their social media algorithm. Here’s how to reset your child’s algorithm on TikTok, Instagram, and other platforms.
Social media algorithms are the complex computations that operate behind the scenes of every social media platform to determine what each user sees.
Everything on your child’s social media feed is likely the result of something they liked, commented on, or shared. (For a more comprehensive explanation, check out our Parent’s Guide to Social Media Algorithms.)
Social media algorithms have a snowball effect. For example, if your child “likes” a cute dog video, they’ll likely see more of that type of content. However, if they search for topics like violence, adult material, or conspiracy theories, their feed can quickly be overwhelmed with negative content.
Therefore, it’s vital that parents actively examine and reset their child’s algorithm when needed, and also teach them the skills to evaluate it for themselves.
Research clearly demonstrates the potentially negative impacts of social media on tweens and teens. How it affects your child depends a lot on what’s in their feed. And what’s in their feed has everything to do with algorithms.
Helping your child reset their algorithm is a wonderful opportunity to teach them digital literacy. Explain to them why it’s important to think critically about what they see on social media, and what they do on the site influences the content they’re shown.
Here are some steps you can take together to clean up their feed:
Resetting all of your child’s algorithms in one fell swoop can be daunting. Instead, pick the app they use the most and tackle that first.
If your kiddo follows a lot of accounts, you might need to break this step into multiple sessions. Pause on each account they follow and have them consider these questions:
If the answer “yes” to any of these questions, suggest they unfollow the account. If they’re hesitant — for example, if they’re worried unfollowing might cause friend problems — they can instead “hide” or “mute” the account so they don’t see those posts in their feed.
On the flip side, encourage your child to interact with accounts that make them feel good about themselves and portray positive messages. Liking, commenting, and sharing content that lifts them up will have a ripple effect on the rest of their feed.
After you’ve gone through their feed, show your child how to examine their settings. This mostly influences sponsored content, but considering the problematic history of advertisers marketing to children on social media, it’s wise to take a look.
Every social media app has slightly different options for how much control users have over their algorithm. Here's what you should know about resetting the algorithm on popular apps your child might use.
To get the best buy-in and help your child form positive long-term content consumption habits, it’s best to let them take the lead in deciding what accounts and content they want to see.
At the same time, kids shouldn't have to navigate the internet on their own. Social platforms can easily suggest content and profiles that your child isn't ready to see. A social media monitoring app, such as BrightCanary, can alert you if your child encounters something concerning.
Here are a few warning signs you should watch out for as you review your child's feed:
If you spot any of this content, it’s time for a longer conversation to assess your child’s safety. You may decide it’s appropriate to insist they unfollow a particular account. And if what you see on your child’s feed makes you concerned for their mental health or worried they may harm themselves or others, consider reaching out to a professional.
Algorithms are the force that drives everything your child sees on social media and can quickly cause their feed to be overtaken by negative content. Regularly reviewing your child’s feed with them and teaching them skills to control their algorithm will help keep their feed positive and minimize some of the negative impacts of social media.
Just by existing as a person in 2023, you’ve probably heard of social media algorithms. But what are algorithms? How do social media algorithms work? And why should parents care?
At BrightCanary, we’re all about giving parents the tools and information they need to take a proactive role in their children’s digital life. So, we’ve created this guide to help you understand what social media algorithms are, how they impact your child, and what you can do about it.
Social media algorithms are complex sets of rules and calculations used by platforms to prioritize the content that users see in their feeds. Each social network uses different algorithms. The algorithm on TikTok is different from the one on YouTube.
In short, algorithms dictate what you see when you use social media and in what order.
Back in the Wild Wild West days of social media, you would see all of the posts from everyone you were friends with or followed, presented in chronological order.
But as more users flocked to social media and the amount of content ballooned, platforms started introducing algorithms to filter through the piles of content and deliver relevant and interesting content to keep their users engaged. The goal is to get users hooked and keep them coming back for more.
Algorithms are also hugely beneficial for generating advertising revenue for platforms because they help target sponsored content.
Each platform uses its own mix of factors, but here are some examples of what influences social media algorithms:
Most social media sites heavily prioritize showing users content from people they’re connected with on the platform.
TikTok is unique because it emphasizes showing users new content based on their interests, which means you typically won’t see posts from people you follow on your TikTok feed.
With the exception of TikTok, if you interact frequently with a particular user, you’re more likely to see their content in your feed.
The algorithms on TikTok, Instagram Reels, and Instagram Explore prioritize showing you new content based on the type of posts and videos you engage with. For example, the more cute cat videos you watch, the more cute cat videos you’ll be shown.
YouTube looks at the creators you interact with, your watch history, and the type of content you view to determine suggested videos.
The more likes, shares, and comments a post gets, the more likely it is to be shown to other users. This momentum is the snowball effect that causes posts to go viral.
There are ways social media algorithms can benefit your child, such as creating a personalized experience and helping them discover new things related to their interests. But the drawbacks are also notable — and potentially concerning.
Since social media algorithms show users more of what they seem to like, your child's feed might quickly become overwhelmed with negative content. Clicking a post out of curiosity or naivety, such as one promoting a conspiracy theory, can inadvertently expose your child to more such content. What may begin as innocent exploration could gradually influence their beliefs.
Experts frequently cite “thinspo” (short for “thinspiration”), a social media topic that aims to promote unhealthy body goals and disordered eating habits, as another algorithmic concern.
Even though most platforms ban content encouraging eating disorders, users often bypass filters using creative hashtags and abbreviations. If your child clicks on a thinspo post, they may continue to be served content that promotes eating disorders.
Although social media algorithms are something to monitor, the good news is that parents can help minimize the negative impacts on their child.
Here are some tips:
It’s a good idea to monitor what the algorithm is showing your child so you can spot any concerning trends. Regularly sit down with them to look at their feed together.
You can also use a parental monitoring service to alert you if your child consumes alarming content. BrightCanary is an app that continuously monitors your child’s social media activity and flags any concerning content, such as photos that promote self-harm or violent videos — so you can step in and talk about it.
Keep up on concerning social media trends, such as popular conspiracy theories and internet challenges, so you can spot warning signs in your child’s feed.
Talk to your child about who they follow and how those accounts make them feel. Encourage them to think critically about the content they consume and to disengage if something makes them feel bad.
Algorithms influence what content your child sees when they use social media. Parents need to be aware of the potentially harmful impacts this can have on their child and take an active role in combating the negative effects.
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Your child likely already uses Google Gemini because the AI assistant is baked into all of Google’s software. From Gmail to AI-powered summaries at the top of Google searches, Gemini is everywhere. But is Google Gemini safe for kids? Many experts say no, and after testing it for myself, I agree. Here’s why.
Gemini, Google’s suite of AI tools, includes:
When evaluating whether Google Gemini is safe for kids, we have to look at both the standalone products and the many ways Gemini is built into other Google products.
The fact that Google Gemini is entrenched in products your kids already use means it poses unique risks. Specifically:
When emails are drafted without a request and AI-powered search results return authoritative answers without clicking on a single link, it’s extremely easy to fall into AI autopilot.
As a parent, this frightens me more than any inappropriate answer my child might get from a chatbot because overreliance on AI and passive consumption of information can lead to these problems:
An analysis by the New York Times found AI-powered Google summaries gave incorrect information 10% of the time, and over half the time cited facts not fully supported by the provided sources.
With Google Gemini right there inside Google Drive, offering to write that essay or create that presentation, it’s easy for kids to stray into cheating and plagiarism territory.
I set up a test account for a fake 10-year-old. After I finally got it working, I posed two relatively mild questions about shoplifting, and my account was promptly deactivated. I didn’t see that as evidence of safeguards working — when Gemini refuses to engage, kids just bounce to another chatbot. That’s lazy and performative protection; it’s easier to shut kids out than to build them a truly safe system.
Because my test account was banned, most of my testing was done logged out, which is how kids can easily access Gemini. I did give obvious clues that I was a child, including outright stating I was a teenager.
Here’s a sampling of what Google Gemini told me:
Sort of. Kids under 13 need parental permission via Google Family Link, but beyond granting or denying access, Gemini’s parental controls are essentially nonexistent.
Gemini implemented safeguards to filter out inappropriate content for users under 13. However, my testing found two big issues with this:
If your child uses Google Gemini, here are four things you can do to help make it safer for them:
Google Gemini isn’t safe for kids. The suite of AI tools is heavily embedded in products your child already uses, and this prevalence increases the risk because kids aren’t as likely to think critically about how they use it. Gemini’s parental controls and safeguards for kids under 13 are ineffective. If your child uses Google Gemini, coach them on the risks and how to think critically about their AI use, and keep an eye on their prompts with a monitoring tool.
For the most comprehensive monitoring of your child’s AI use available, try BrightCanary. The app scans everything they type and sends you alerts about any concerns. Download today to get started for free.
The number of males hospitalized for eating disorders has risen 416% in the past two decades. Stigma and underreporting mean it’s likely that prevalence rates for eating disorders in males are vastly underestimated, but recent evidence suggests it’s now increasing faster among males than among females. Experts point to social media and influencer culture as a driving force behind this rise.
Parents can easily miss the warning signs because disordered eating often presents atypically in males, such as an intense focus on healthy eating or muscle building.
This article looks at the role internet culture plays in the rise of disordered eating in boys, and what you can do if your son shows warning signs.
For expert guidance, I turned to Maiken Wiese, a Registered Dietitian and Certified Dietitian-Nutritionist specializing in eating disorder recovery for teens and adults.
Wiese said she suspects some of the perceived increase in eating disorders in males is actually attributable to a rise in awareness and diagnosis, but that influencer culture definitely plays a huge role in the spread of disordered eating behaviors.
Here are some of the ways social media contributes to the rise:
According to Wiese, “[males] are less likely to get help for eating disorders because many are conditioned to not speak as openly about their struggles, so body dysmorphia and fear around food might not be as evident.”
She also points out that the body ideal that males strive for can vary more than for females, with some males seeking to be larger or more muscular and others striving to be thin. This makes spotting disordered eating in boys particularly tricky.
Here are some atypical warning signs to watch for:
Wiese cautioned parents with children of any gender to also keep an eye out for these standard warning signs:
Taking active steps to help encourage healthy food and eating behaviors is an often-overlooked protective factor. Here are some tips:
Wiese says, “Girl, boy, or nonbinary, it’s always hard to struggle with an eating disorder, and it can feel threatening for those behaviors to be noticed. It is incredibly important to address it, however!”
Here are her recommendations:
Eating disorders are on the rise for tween and teen boys, due in no small part to social media and influencer culture that promotes unhealthy messages about food, body image, and exercise. You should watch for warning signs in your son and intervene if you have concerns. If your son shows signs of disordered eating, educate yourself about eating disorders and keep your discussions with him about it calm, private, and fact-based.
Know what your child is worried about and interested in with BrightCanary child monitoring. Start your free trial today.
A recent trial found Meta’s design features addictive for young users. Alarmingly, Meta’s own internal research shows that parental controls don’t meaningfully curb compulsive use. This article explores the signs of social media addiction in teens, what factors make a teen more susceptible, and what you can do to protect your child.
Heads up: Social media addiction isn’t officially recognized as a clinical disorder. However, experts widely acknowledge the existence of addictive behaviors related to social media, and that’s the framework for this article. The term “social media addiction” is used colloquially here and should not be understood as a diagnostic term.
If you’ve ever side-eyed your surly offspring scrolling away in the corner and asked, “Is my teen addicted to social media,” you’re not alone. But heavy social media use isn’t necessarily an addiction.
Experts propose that social media addiction is a psychological dependence marked by an uncontrollable inner drive to keep using it despite negative impacts on a person’s life and daily functioning. Social media use becomes problematic when it causes significant issues in several areas of a person’s life, such as:
According to research, here are the risk factors that make some teens more susceptible to social media addiction:
Teens with more adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) report less attentiveness to their social media use, increasing their risk of addiction. Some examples of ACEs include:
Depression is consistently associated with higher social media use, although it’s a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg situation.
The relationship is thought to be bidirectional, with excessive social media use triggering depression in some teens, and pre-existing depression causing others to use it to cope, which can lead to addictive behavior.
Negative emotional states are closely related to social media addiction because people with persistent negative feelings often turn to social media as a means of coping, comfort, and escape.
Additionally, teens who have a hard time describing their feelings are more vulnerable to social media addiction.
Teens who tend to avoid unpleasant emotions are at greater risk of social media addiction.
Low self-esteem is a strong predictor of addictive social media behaviors.
One key to intervention is recognizing your teen’s behavior. Here are social media addiction symptoms to watch for:
Meta’s research found that parental controls do little to curb kids’ compulsive social media use. That’s because such actions limit access but don’t address the underlying compulsions that lead to addiction. If the pull is strong enough, teens will find a workaround. Those compulsions are driven by some pretty powerful forces, such as:
Social media algorithms are designed to keep users scrolling by increasing the brain’s reward center activation, which accelerates the development of addictive behaviors.
Social media uses intermittent variable rewards to keep users engaged. It’s a playbook taken straight from slot machines and maximizes addictiveness.
Aza Raskin, the inventor of the infinite scroll, has described these design techniques as “behavioral cocaine scattered throughout the interface.”
Here’s what you can do to fight against social media addiction:
Explain to your child what social media addiction looks like and tell them if you witness concerning symptoms. It’s also helpful to use yourself as an example, noting when you catch yourself sucked into the scroll.
Addictive algorithms are a driving factor behind social media addiction. Show your teen how to periodically reset their algorithm.
It’s not enough to clock how often your teen uses social media; you also need to know how they engage with it and how it impacts their mood and well-being. BrightCanary’s emotional insights and real-time alerts give you visibility into your child’s social media use so you can spot warning signs of addiction and step in with support.
Social media addiction in teens is a real concern, and Meta’s own internal research acknowledges this fact. To help combat the risk for your child, educate them about the risks and watch for social media addiction symptoms.
At BrightCanary, we share your concerns about teens and social media addiction. That’s why we’ve designed our monitoring app to partner with parents, giving you the tools you need to watch for signs of social media addiction in your teen. Get started today for free.
Recently, news about the war came on the radio. I was preoccupied, so it didn’t even register what was on the radio, which meant I was caught off-guard later when my son said hearing about Iran’s nuclear weapons scared him.
I’m no stranger to tough questions about heavy topics, as the parent of an anxious, highly inquisitive kid. I had to fly by the seat of my pants this time, but I generally consider myself well-equipped to answer (almost) anything at (almost) any time.
Here are my tips from the trenches, supported by advice from child mental health experts, on how to help your child cope with scary news.
Keep up with the news so that you’re prepared to answer your child’s questions. If your child asks you about something you don’t feel equipped to discuss, be honest. Tell them you need to gather more information and then follow up later.
If there’s something big happening in the news, make a point to discuss it as a family. Start by asking your kid what they’ve heard and what questions they have. The unknown can be particularly anxiety-provoking for some children. Help your child make sense of the news before it spirals into fear.
Did you know? You can stay informed about what your child is looking up online with BrightCanary monitoring.
Listen, I’m an anxious parent raising an anxious child, so I know this isn’t easy. Use all of your coping tools to manage your own emotions so that you’re not piling onto theirs. Sometimes, this means faking it until you make it.
Don’t dismiss your child’s fears. Pretending everything is hunky-dory won’t erase their worry, and it may signal to them that they can’t bring their fears to you.
Instead, validate their concerns and offer the most reassurance you can while remaining authentic. For example, when my son asked me about Iran’s nuclear weapons, here’s what I said:
“You’re right, that is scary. I try to remind myself how foolish Iran would be to bomb the U.S., because the U.S. has nuclear weapons, too, and could just retaliate. That’s why countries have nuclear weapons, as a deterrent. Everyone’s really just trying to scare each other. ”
I’m a firm believer that you can discuss any topic with any child of any age. The key is tailoring it to their maturity and level of understanding.
I knew my son was capable of understanding the concept of mutually assured destruction and also that his brain needs lots of details in order to process situations. If I were speaking with my 6-year-old, I would have stayed high-level with my response and emphasized that her little corner of the world is safe.
Kids deserve to know what’s going on in the world, but (much like adults) too much exposure to scary news can cause stress. It can make it feel like faraway events are in our own backyards. Kids also don’t have the lifetime of context that adults do to help them make sense of things.
Here are some ways to help your child find a healthy balance between informed and overexposed:
It’s normal for kids to worry, but sometimes that worry crosses into anxiety and interferes with their life. When that happens, it may be time to seek professional help.
Here are some signs your child might be struggling with anxiety:
The world can be a scary place. Social media produces a level of near-constant exposure to the news that can cause worry and anxiety in some kids. Be proactive and discuss current events with your child before their fears have a chance to spiral.
If they come to you with concerns, validate their feelings and give them age-appropriate context to help them make sense of what's going on in the world. Help them assess their exposure to the news and encourage them to set healthy screen time limits.
BrightCanary can help you keep tabs on what news events your child is curious about so you can be prepared to answer their questions. Download it today to get started for free.
One in three boys between ages 11 and 17 gambled in the past year, mostly online, and often in places parents wouldn’t think to look. Here’s everything you need to know about gambling for kids, including what you can do to protect your child.
You’re probably already aware of sites like PokerStars and DraftKings, but gambling for kids goes beyond the usual suspects. Here are some unexpected culprits to have on your radar.
One of the sneakiest ways that gambling shows up is inside video games.
Loot boxes, gacha pulls, skin cases, and pack opening aren’t typically considered gambling from a legal standpoint, but they share many key characteristics with gambling like risk, reward, and uncertainty. This “gamblification” of video games is concerning because it can shape future gambling habits.
Hundreds of free apps simulate casino play using fake currency. They’re typically designed identically to casino apps that use real money, often including the same psychological triggers such as sounds and visuals. These games teach gambling mechanics and normalize the experience.
As if there wasn’t enough reason to worry about your kid on social media, you can add gambling to the list. It can appear in the following forms:
While sports betting sites are legally restricted by age, kids can find ways in.
These days, there are plenty of pathways to gambling for kids.
Six in ten boys report seeing gambling ads on YouTube and social media, according to a Common Sense Media report.
A majority of kids aren’t seeking this content out: 59% of boys who say they watch gambling videos or streams report that the content just showed up on their feed.
Gambling is highly social: over 80% of boys gamble if their friends do, compared to under 20% if their friends don’t.
One-third of boys have gambled with family members, most commonly lottery or scratch tickets.
Even when the gambling seems innocent (I’ve never blinked twice when my son plays luck-based mini-games inside Zelda), there’s still reason for concern.
Now that you’re aware of the prevalence and risks of gambling for kids, here are some steps you can take to protect your child:
Gambling probably seems like nothing more than a fun game to many kids. Make sure your child is aware of the risks and how even legal activities can be problematic.
Show them examples of gamblification in the games they play (loot boxes, skin cases, and pack opening) and on social media (share or follow to win).
According to the Common Sense Media report, over half of boys say their family has no specific rules about gambling. Be clear with your kids about what is and isn’t okay.
BrightCanary can tell you if your child is gambling online or exploring it. The app monitors everything they type and sends you an alert to anything concerning. You also get access to summaries of their activity and full transcripts.
Psst: Coming soon to BrightCanary, you’ll be able to add gambling and related terms as keywords for the system to monitor.
In the United States, traditional gambling — including sports betting, casino games, and lottery tickets — is illegal for minors in every state. The minimum legal age varies by activity and state, typically ranging from 18 to 21. However, many of the gambling-adjacent activities kids most commonly encounter, like loot boxes, gacha pulls, and simulated casino apps, exist in a legal gray area and are not regulated the same way.
Legally, loot boxes are not classified as gambling in most US states, which is why they're widely available to minors inside video games. However, they share the core mechanics of gambling — spending money for a randomized reward — and research consistently links loot box purchasing to symptoms of problematic gambling, particularly in adolescents. Several other countries, including Belgium and the Netherlands, have moved to regulate or ban them outright.
Warning signs include preoccupation with gambling or gaming for rewards, spending more money than intended on in-game purchases, becoming secretive or defensive about their online activity, mood changes after playing (especially irritability or withdrawal), borrowing money or asking for more than usual, and neglecting school, sleep, or social activities in favor of gambling-adjacent games or content.
Kids rarely tell parents when they're gambling online. Signs to watch for include unexplained charges on a credit card or digital wallet, use of a parent's or sibling's accounts, secretive behavior around their phone or computer, and references to betting or winnings in conversation. BrightCanary monitors everything your child types across all their apps and can alert you if gambling-related content or conversations appear.
Traditional gambling involves wagering real money on an uncertain outcome for a chance to win money back. Gamblification refers to the incorporation of gambling mechanics — randomized rewards, chance-based purchases, the thrill of uncertainty — into non-gambling contexts like video games and social media. While gamblification may not involve real money directly, it normalizes gambling psychology and can shape habits that carry into adulthood.
The goal isn't to alarm them — it's to make sure they can recognize gambling mechanics when they see them and understand why they're designed the way they are. Start with something they already do, like opening packs in a game, and ask them what they think about the randomness of it. Lead with curiosity rather than concern. Kids are more receptive when they feel like they're being included in a conversation rather than lectured.
Gambling for kids shows up in many unexpected ways, such as gamblification in video games and simulated casino play inside social media apps. Normalizing the experience at a young age makes it more likely a child will engage in gambling when they’re of age, and kids who already gamble have a higher likelihood of developing a problem than do adults. To protect your child against online gambling, you should talk to them about the risks and monitor them online.
BrightCanary helps you monitor your child’s activity on the apps they use the most. Download today to get started for free.
Age verification happens any time you have to verify your birthdate online. Historically, most social media sites used flimsy age-verification methods, if they used any at all. But growing concerns over the dangers of social media for kids and an increased prevalence of age-verification laws means that more and more platforms are adopting stricter measures to keep kids safe.
However, this rapidly changing landscape has brought with it confusion and, for some, concern over privacy. Here’s everything you need to know about age verification on social media.
There are three primary forms of age verification currently employed by social media platforms:
Landing squarely in the “flimsy” category are platforms that require only a promise from the user that they’re the appropriate age to be using a platform.
Think: a user-provided date of birth or a pop-up requiring clicking a button assuring they’re of age. In the absence of any additional verification measures, age gating is basically just the honor system.
The newest player in the age-verification game is AI-powered estimations, and social media platforms have quickly jumped on the bandwagon. Age estimation systems use two main forms of algorithmic analysis to estimate a person’s age:
ID scanning is pretty straightforward. For this, users are required to submit a screenshot of a government-issued ID, such as a driver’s license, to verify their age.
Age-verification systems vary widely in their accuracy. For instance, a government-issued ID is a much more reliable measure than a user attesting to their age. Here are the biggest gaps in social media age verification:
From AI-generated deepfakes to holding the camera up to an actor onscreen, kids are endlessly inventive when it comes to bypassing age verification.
AI age estimation is notoriously unreliable for teenagers. While being a few years off for an adult isn’t a big deal, there’s a big difference between an algorithm deciding a user is 15 versus 19.
Infamously, facial recognition systems are biased because they’re trained on limited data sets. People of color, trans and nonbinary individuals, and disabled people are often misclassified.
Social media platforms are taking steps to ensure privacy and data security. For example, they may promise to only use images for age verification and to delete them immediately after processing.
But these companies don’t have the best track record when it comes to protecting children’s privacy, leading to 80% of adults expressing concern about data used to verify their child’s age being permanently stored, sold, or shared.
If you’re uncomfortable with letting your child scan their face (which I totally get — I’m right there with you), your best bet is to not let them use platforms that rely on this technology until privacy is better proven. Your kid might not be happy about it, but if you explain your concerns, they’re likely to at least understand your reasons.
Even though reliability gaps exist in age-verification technology, that doesn't mean you shouldn’t use these common-sense tools. The key is to layer them with other measures to give your child the best possible protection online. Here are three steps you can take to fill in the gaps:
Parental controls on your child’s iPhone and their Google account make it more difficult (though certainly not impossible) for them to download apps they’re too young for.
On iPhone, use Ask to Buy as well as device spot-checks to keep tabs on what apps your child is using. That way, you can verify they have their age set correctly and set up any available parental controls.
BrightCanary scans everything your child types on their device across all apps and sends you real-time alerts if any red flags are detected, such as age-inappropriate content.
Age verification on social media is an important, yet imperfect, means for protecting kids on the internet. It works best when layered with other measures such as using parental controls and monitoring your child’s online activity.
BrightCanary is an excellent complement to age-verification systems because it monitors your child’s activity on the apps they use the most. Download today to get started for free.
As a Boy Mom, writing about looksmaxxing is personal. My tween currently prioritizes comfort (nothing but sweatpants!) and convenience (haircuts are a chore!) over aesthetics. But as he speeds toward middle school, I know that’s bound to change.
Just as my generation of girls absorbed harmful pressure about looks from magazines like Seventeen and CosmoGirl, social media has burst the protective bubble boys once existed inside. Adolescent males are now inundated with toxic ideals — and looksmaxxing is one of the more alarming ones. It’s enough to convince me to delay social media for my son as long as possible.
Here’s everything you need to know about looksmaxxing.
Looksmaxxing is a manosphere-adjacent subculture glorifying hypermasculine male bodies and promoting (frequently dubious) methods to maximize physical appearance.
“Scores” are assigned to physical aspects, often in pursuit of biologically impossible standards. Some of the physical characteristics sought after in looksmaxxing include:
Looksmaxxers will go to varying lengths to achieve their goals, from routine hygiene and fitness (softmaxxing) to invasive and potentially dangerous tactics (hardmaxxing).
Looksmaxxing is entirely a byproduct of internet culture. It originated on incel message boards in the 2010s and was popularized in the 2020s as part of the broader TikTok “glow-up” trend.
Now, dangerous social media algorithms feed looksmaxxing content to young males, and forums such as Reddit and Discord give young men the means to dive deep into the weeds.
In my opinion, here are the top three looksmaxxing dangers you need to know:
Many looksmaxxing techniques overlap with disordered eating behaviors, particularly rigidity around numbers. However, these behaviors are often masked by an atypical presentation, such as muscle bulking and over-exercising.
Not coincidentally, the past two decades have seen a 416% increase in boys hospitalized for eating disorders.
Looksmaxxing promotes a narrow, misogynistic picture of masculinity, telling males they must take extreme measures to make themselves attractive to women before they’re considered a “real man.”
Looksmaxxing rating systems are built on Eurocentric ideals, and many traits coveted by the movement, like fair skin and symmetrical features, are associated with whiteness.
Raters disguise racist sentiments as pseudo-science by using technical terms to describe traits commonly associated with non-white people, like “recessed palate” or “protruding upper third.”
Since my daughter was very young, I’ve worked to counterprogram societal messaging that her worth is in her looks. Looksmaxxing is a good reminder that our boys need this, too. Be overt and make it an ongoing conversation.
To offset the Eurocentric, ableist, fatphobic ideals looksmaxxing promotes, expose your son to racially and physically diverse people, in media and in real life. Help him identify successful men who don’t fit traditional male beauty standards.
Involving male figures in the conversation will help him feel less alone. Ask the men in his life to tell him about their experiences with body image growing up.
Get that toxic nonsense off his feed! Show your son how to regularly reset his social media and YouTube algorithms for a healthier online experience.
Keep an eye on what your son does and says online so you can watch for looksmaxxing red flags. BrightCanary can help by monitoring everything your son types across all platforms and watches on YouTube.
If your son shows signs of mental health issues or disordered eating, seek professional help right away. Here are some resources:
Looksmaxxing is a dangerous social media trend promoting toxic and unhealthy standards for men. To protect your son, intentionally counterprogram looksmaxxing messaging, monitor his online activity, and seek professional help if needed.
BrightCanary helps you monitor your child’s activity on the apps they use the most and alerts you to anything concerning, like messages about body image. You’ll also get insights into your child’s online activity and learn if they’re engaging with content about the manosphere and looksmaxxing. Download today to get started for free.
Bullying. Self-image. Online strangers. AI. Most parents wait until something goes wrong before having a conversation. After all, these topics can feel overwhelming or premature, especially if your child seems fine. But by the time there’s a problem, it’s already harder to talk.
The truth is simple: the earlier you start these conversations, the safer and more prepared your child will be.
There’s often a gap between what kids say and what’s actually happening on their devices. Not because they’re being dishonest, but because they don’t always connect their online behavior to real-world risks.
That’s where this guide comes in. Developed in partnership with Lisa Smith, the Peaceful Parent, it gives you the exact words to start meaningful, low-pressure conversations — before something goes wrong.
“The conversations that feel too early are almost never too early. In peaceful parenting, we talk about connection before correction — and the same is true for the digital world.” - Lisa Smith, The Peaceful Parent
Inside, you’ll find:
This guide is designed to help you feel calm, confident, and prepared — not overwhelmed.
Bonus: Get 20% off BrightCanary’s Text Message Plus annual plan. Use code PARENTS20 at checkout.
Kids today are growing up in a completely different world than we did.
Algorithms shape how they see themselves. AI chatbots are becoming companions. And online interactions blur the line between real and risky. Most of this is happening quietly, on devices we rarely see.
Kids won’t always come to you when something feels off. But if you’ve already opened the door to conversation, they’re far more likely to. This guide helps you open that door early, and keep it open.
BrightCanary helps you stay informed about your child’s digital world, without reading every message or invading their privacy.
It’s the easiest way to stay involved while still respecting your child’s independence.
Yes. You can download and share it with caregivers, schools, or anyone raising kids.
The guide includes conversation starters for ages 10 through teens.
No. The guide stands on its own. BrightCanary adds real-time monitoring and alerts if you want extra support.
This guide focuses on what to say, giving you real language you can use immediately, grounded in connection-first parenting.
Your child’s digital world is already here. The best thing you can do isn’t to wait — it’s to start talking.
Download the Free Conversation Guide (PDF) and open the door today.
