I see you, parents who carefully considered when to allow your child to get a phone and use social media. You weighed the pros and cons and came to a thoughtful conclusion.
You felt good about your decision until your kid came home and declared that everyone else has a phone and Instagram and TikTok, and now they’re left out of everything, and IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!
Read on for tips on standing firm, knowing when to compromise, and helping your child through their feelings.
Anytime kids say, “everyone else,” it’s worth remembering children are often prone to globalizing. Before you go into solution mode, take the time to get all the facts.
Ask your child to be specific about who has what access. Is it one or two friends that have a Snapchat, or are they literally the only one in their friend group without a phone and social media accounts?
As you listen, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think back to when you were young. Feeling left out is a legitimately difficult experience. Empathizing with your child doesn’t mean you need to give in, but it will help them feel heard — which goes a long way.
Provide a clear explanation for why you don’t think they’re ready for the digital access they’re requesting. If relevant, connect it to your family’s shared values.
Let them know when they will be allowed. If your benchmark isn’t something tangible, like age, be as specific as possible about what needs to happen for you to get to yes.
For example, maybe your child will be ready for a phone when they show they can be responsible in other areas of their life. Explain that you understand they want a phone, but first, they need to consistently take care of their chores around the house and complete those missing homework assignments.
Be clear about your timeline for follow-up: let your child know that you can revisit the topic in a month, after they’ve had time to show how responsible they can be.
Once you have a handle on what your child hopes to gain from more digital privileges, work with them to come up with alternative ways to meet those needs. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Facebook’s messaging app for kids allows for a high level of parental control. It's a great tool for kids to chat with family and friends in a safe, supervised way.
Consider giving your number to a few of your child’s close friends so they can correspond with them through your device.
Setting up a shared account with your child that you sit down and use together gives them some access, while allowing you the chance to coach them on responsible social media use. (Psst: This is a great way to introduce a parental monitoring tool like BrightCanary, which you can use to monitor their YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok activity.)
A family tablet or phone with parental controls is another option. Your child can message friends and use it to access authorized apps. Think of it as the modern equivalent of calling their friends on the house landline.
Make sure your child has plenty of opportunities to socialize and connect with friends offline. It’s easy for your child to feel left out when all their conversations happen in group messages, but hanging out with their friends in real life helps minimize that FOMO (fear of missing out). Consider hosting movie nights, game nights, or coordinating a larger group hangout with the other parents.
Occasionally revisit your decision about digital access to determine if you still feel the same way. If you do decide your opinion has changed, don’t get caught up in sticking to your guns just for the sake of not giving in.
While maintaining firm boundaries is important as a parent, you’re also allowed to change your mind. As long as you explain your reasons to your child and make it clear you’ve carefully considered your decision, it will be clear you’re not just bowing to their demands.
It’s difficult when your child’s friends have more digital access than they do. It can cause them to feel left out and to miss opportunities for socialization. This won’t be the last time that your kid feels left out or has the urge to keep up with the Joneses. Use this as an opportunity to help them build resiliency, understand your boundaries, and find a compromise together.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to address the issue. But with open communication and creative brainstorming, you can find a plan that everyone can — if not love — then at least live with.
Discovering your child is bullying another kid online can make you feel everything from anger to sadness to shame. "My child is a bully," you think. "What do I do next?" Know that your child’s cyberbullying doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It does mean you have some work ahead of you.
Let this article be your guide as you take steps to stop online bullying and prevent it from happening again.
Children bully for many reasons. It could be peer pressure or an attempt to gain social capital. They may have learned from watching others in their lives. Perhaps they’re also the victim of bullying, and they’re acting out as a result. There also might be emotional factors at play — we’ve all heard the adage “hurt people hurt people.”
Regardless of what prompted the cyberbullying, they’re most likely doing it because they have an unmet need and don’t know a more productive way to get help. Getting to the root of the problem will help you appropriately handle the behavior.
Putting an end to online bullying requires swiftly addressing the issue and establishing a plan for accountability.
Here are some tips:
No one said this would be easy, but you’ll get through it — likely as a stronger family unit on the other side. Here are a few guiding ideas to keep you grounded in this tough situation.
It’s painful to admit your child acted in an unkind way, and it’s natural to rationalize or minimize what happened. But this does no one any good — your child included. The sooner you accept that your child bullied someone online, the sooner things can be resolved.
Remember that bad actions do not equal a bad child. Your child needs guidance so they can behave in a kinder manner that better reflects your family’s values.
As you talk with your child about what happened, try to remain calm. Let the mantra “firm but loving” be your guide.
Avoid judging or shaming them; that won’t be productive and may make things worse if it causes them to shut down and pull away. Remember, your kid is not the problem — their behavior is. Let them know what they did isn’t acceptable in your family, but that nothing they do can diminish your love for them.
This doesn’t mean you should let your kid off the hook. They have a responsibility to make things right. You can support and guide them through the process, but it’s ultimately their mess to clean up.
You may decide that owning up to and addressing their mistake is punishment enough, or you may feel additional consequences are needed. This will depend on your child, their actions, and how your family operates.
Whether to talk to the parents of the child who was bullied is a complicated decision. It depends on many factors, such as your child’s relationship with the other child and your relationship with their parents.
If you do decide to talk to them, accept accountability for what happened, and let them know concrete steps you’re taking to stop the behavior. There is often a gulf between what adults think will fix things and what kids actually want and need. If your relationship allows, ask the other parents to find out what their child would like to see happen to make amends.
When your child bullies another kid online, it’s a serious situation that needs to be addressed promptly. By using a firm-but-loving approach and following through on expectations, you can put an end to the cyberbullying and teach your child better online behavior going forward.
The phone rings. It’s your teen’s school. One of their social media posts made its way to the administration, and they’re not pleased. The principal mentions suspension from extracurriculars — possibly from school.
With the line between offline and online life getting increasingly blurred, an individual's behavior on the internet has the real possibility of generating consequences in other parts of their life. Unfortunately, kids are no exception.
While it’s not the end of the world, situations like this can be serious, and you deserve a helping hand to guide you through. Read on for practical tips on maneuvering this distinctly modern parenting dilemma.
It depends. Some schools have stricter social media policies for students, particularly when they're posting about something on-campus. Generally, schools can punish students for social media posts if the post causes a significant disruption to the learning environment and is connected to the school.
Students have the right to free speech, including political expressions. But most schools draw the line at threatening, defamatory, or substantially disruptive statements. These can be punished by schools to maintain order. Speech that is political, exaggerated, or even vulgar is generally protected, provided it doesn't cross into violence or targeted harassment, or become so disruptive that it impedes the learning process.
Of course, this is your kid — it’s realistic for you to have big feelings about the situation. Honor your emotions and process them with a trusted confidant if needed.
When you’re calm(er), it’s time to go into fact-finding mode. Your first step is to get a complete picture of what happened, the consequences, and your options moving forward.
In addition to the school’s version of what happened, you also need to hear your child’s side of things.
Don’t just take others’ word for it. Look at the post(s) in question and read any comments. If others are involved, look at their profiles. Do they have a history of posting problematic content? Once you have a grasp on what happened, it’s time to come up with a gameplan for what to do about it.
Social media policies can vary widely among school districts, so it’s paramount you consult your school’s policy.
As you read, here are a few things to look for:
Figure out how you feel about the situation and what you would like to see happen. You may decide you’re in total alignment with the school’s handling of the situation. Or you may think they were either too harsh or too lenient. Regardless, finding clarity in your position at the outset will help you address the matter intentionally.
As a parent, it’s tempting to exert your authority (especially when your kid goofs up). But parenting is a long game, and the ultimate goal is to teach your kid how to be a good adult. Long after they’ve flown the nest, they’ll make mistakes they have to deal with. Guiding them through that process while they’re still under your care is a great way to teach them how to clean up their own messes once they’re grown.
Ask your child what they think should be done to fix things. Listen to their ideas with an open mind. Push them to consider the consequences of their actions — both short- and long-term — and to put effort into coming up with solutions. You might be pleasantly surprised by what they share!
You may decide your child’s ideas for how to fix things aren’t appropriate. Or there may be a middle ground that works best. Either way, let them know you value their input and explain how you reached your decision.
You and the school share a goal of creating a safe, healthy environment for students. Keep this in mind, even if you disagree with how they handled this situation. Sit down with school administrators to find a solution that everyone can live with. Advocate for your child if needed, and be prepared to compromise where appropriate. The more you act as a partner with the school, the more likely you are to find a productive resolution.
It’s important to note that your child’s actions online may have repercussions beyond their school life. If your child’s actions online were illegal or showed them engaging in illegal offline activity (such as underage drinking), there may be legal implications.
In some instances, such as nudity or sexual activity, a school’s mandatory reporting obligations may be triggered. Be sure to find out if law enforcement has or will be contacted by the school. If this is the case, you may want to seek legal counsel.
If no illegal activity occurred, but you feel that the school stepped out of bounds in their punishment, there may be recourse. Federal and state courts have issued rulings related to free speech and social media use by students. It’s a complicated and rapidly-shifting issue, and various factors (such as if the school is public or private) come into play. Consulting an expert is your best bet as you seek to understand your options and decide on a course of action. In addition to contacting a lawyer, the ACLU is a great place for information and resources.
After you’ve handled the immediate situation, turn your eye toward preventing something similar from happening again.
Here are some tips for to follow up on your child’s online activity and help prevent problems from happening again:
The online activity of teens and preteens can cause potentially serious consequences for their offline life, including at school. Being proactive goes a long way toward preventing your child from getting in trouble for what they post. If your child does get in hot water for ill-advised activity on the internet, it’s important to handle the situation deliberately to minimize the impact and set your child on the right path going forward.
Remember telling your parents you were hanging at a friend’s house when really you were at a party? Or sneaking out during a sleepover to TP your crush’s house? (Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with us.)
In the age of cell phones and location tracking, tweens and teens don’t experience the relative freedom we enjoyed as kids. The upside is that we as parents are less likely to have the harrowing experience of not knowing where our children are.
But even though you can track your child’s every move … should you?
The use of location-tracking services brings both benefits and concerns. It’s not an easy decision to know if, when, and how to use technology to monitor your child’s whereabouts.
Read on for more on the pros and cons of tracking your child and how to make a decision that works for your family.
Various apps such as Google Maps, Find My, and Life360 can be used to see the real-time location of your child’s device. These services use GPS to pinpoint the device’s exact whereabouts and display it on a map.
Android phones and iPhones also come with native location tracking capabilities. On Android, Location Sharing allows your child to share their real-time location with you. On iPhone, you can do the same with the Find My app.
Here are a few of the potential benefits of tracking your child’s location:
If your child’s in danger, knowing their exact location means you can more easily come to their aid. If they’re in a car accident, for instance, location tracking allows you to more accurately send emergency services. Location tracking also lets you verify your child is where they said they’ll be. Plus, you’ll know if they go somewhere you deem unsafe.
If your child knows their whereabouts are being monitored, they may be less likely to engage in risky behavior because of the increased possibility of being caught. It also gives you the opportunity to follow up with them if their location makes you suspect they aren’t following your rules.
Modern parents have an endless stream of worries to contend with. Taking “where is my child?” off your mental list is no small upside.
Although the benefits to location tracking your child may be obvious, there are some important downsides to consider.
If you want to prevent your kid from simply turning off their location so you can’t track them, you can use parental controls to require a password before changing location settings. But teens and tweens are experts at outsmarting their parents when it comes to technology. From high-tech solutions like installing anti-spyware apps to low-tech methods such as leaving their phone at a friend’s house, where there’s a will, there’s usually a way.
This is a situation where it’s useful to call upon the techniques our parents used to keep track of us. If you suspect your child may not be where they say they are, or if their location isn’t available, don’t be afraid to reach out to their friends’ parents to find out what they know. Better yet, start by contacting your child directly — it’s easier to click a button to turn off location services than it is to outright lie to your parents.
Trust is a two-way street. In order to get trustworthy behavior from your kid, you need to give them room to earn it. Tracking your child’s every move could signal that you don’t trust them before they’ve given you any reason not to. If you choose to track your child, consider setting limits on when and why you’ll look at their location. Find opportunities for them to prove to you they can be trusted.
Although GPS typically provides shockingly accurate real-time location information, it’s worth noting it’s not infallible. Various factors like signal strength, atmospheric conditions, and physical barriers can weaken the accuracy of — or even completely obstruct — location tracking.
While this isn’t a reason to not use location tracking, it’s important to keep in mind. Before you jump to the worst conclusion about where your child is or why their location is temporarily unavailable, remember there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation: the GPS signal might not be working
Ultimately, the goal as a parent is to raise our children to be self-sufficient adults. As hard as it is, giving them increasing freedom as they get older is vital to teaching them the skills they need to be on their own someday.
If you decide to use location tracking, talk to your child about the decision and let them know that this is temporary. Encourage them to express their independence by demonstrating mature, responsible decisions — like checking in with you when they arrive at their location and keeping you updated on when they’ll be home. As they grow older, you can pull back on location tracking.
It can be easy to depend on technology at the expense of other tools in our parenting toolbelt. Because technology isn’t perfect — and because it’s possible for kids to outsmart it — it’s best not to let location tracking be your only means for keeping tabs on your child. Good old-fashioned communication is still important.
The teenage years are a time for forging independence. It’s a necessary phase of becoming an adult. If your child feels too monitored, they may be more likely to try and evade location tracking and engage in risky behavior while they’re off-the-grid. Giving them a degree of freedom will help lessen the likelihood they choose to rebel.
While things like parental controls allow you to monitor your child’s location without their consent, it’s best to avoid this. If they find out you’ve been tracking them (and they probably will), it’s likely to damage their trust in you and hurt your relationship.
Location tracking is also a common method of controlling a partner in abusive relationships, so how you approach the location-tracking conversation with your child can help teach them about consent in future romantic situations.
Be upfront with your child about why you want to track them. Involve them in the conversation about what tracking looks like. This expectation-setting will honor their autonomy and demonstrate you value their boundaries.
This isn’t to say you need to put your kid in the driver’s seat. As the parent, you’re allowed the final say. But the more you can make your child a partner in establishing the parameters of your location tracking, the greater chance it will provide the benefits you’re seeking.
Be clear and transparent about how you will use their location information, and be open to compromise. Perhaps you only look at their location to confirm they’ve arrived safely at their destination. If they're good about communicating their whereabouts and have done well to earn your trust, you might agree not to look unless you suspect something is wrong.
For various reasons, some kids need more monitoring than others. Every parent has their own comfort level for how much freedom to grant their child. Ultimately, you have to make a decision on location tracking that works for your family.
Location tracking your child presents both positives and negatives, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Open communication and clear expectations are key to using it in a way that builds mutual trust and strengthens, rather than harms, your relationship with your child.
The same thinking applies to monitoring your child online. Spying on your kid won’t teach them how to use the internet responsibly — you want to teach them how to stay safe. Parents who use BrightCanary monitoring can easily supervise their children online, but it’s important to communicate why you’re monitoring and how it helps keep your child safe. While BrightCanary doesn't track physical location, it offers insights into your child's digital movements. You can monitor what your child says and does on YouTube, Google, and social media, and the app works well with Apple’s parental controls. Download the app today and start for free.
You've discovered that your child is being bullied online, also known as cyberbullying. Figuring out how to help them can feel daunting, but you aren't alone. Read on for practical cyberbullying advice and what to do if your child is being bullied online, from prevention to action.
If your child is being harassed or threatened online, your goal is to get a fuller picture of the situation so you can determine how to best support your child.
Whether your child comes to talk to you or you get an alert from your monitoring app that your child is being bullied, you're coming into the situation without any context — it's important to take a step back and find out what led to the bullying.
Understand that your child may be hesitant to talk to you about being bullied. They might be afraid of getting in trouble or embarrassed about the situation. Projecting calm (even if you feel anything but calm on the inside) will help them feel safer opening up.
Here are conversation-starters to get you going:
Children who are bullied often experience shame and think they did something to deserve the way they were treated. Let them know this isn’t their fault and that no one deserves to be treated this way, no matter what happened leading up to it.
Don’t minimize the situation or make excuses for the aggressor. It’s important that your words and actions convey unconditional support and a desire to stop the bullying.
Print or take screenshots of messages, posts, videos, and any other items that show your child is being bullied. This evidence may be useful in the case of an investigation. Keep notes on key details, such as:
BrightCanary's concerning content alerts can be helpful here. For instance, if your child is receiving threatening text messages, you can take screenshots of the message summaries, full text thread, and even deleted texts.
Encourage your child to block the person on whatever platform the bullying is occurring. But make sure to listen to your child if they are afraid this will only make things worse. They are the expert on the social dynamics of their peer group.
School policies on cyberbullying vary widely. Some schools don’t take direct action because online bullying is seen as taking place off school grounds. At the very least, teachers and administrators need to be aware of what’s going on in case it spills over into the school day.
Teachers are also an important set of eyes on your child’s emotional well-being and how the bullying is impacting them. They may even be able to offer helpful cyberbullying advice based on what they understand about the social dynamics at play. After all, teachers are on the front lines.
Cyberbullying violates the terms of service for all legitimate service providers such as social media sites, gaming platforms, and email and cell phone companies. Depending on the situation, the provider may be able to help stop the bullying. For a list of updated contact information, go to cyberbullying.org/report.
If the bullying is based on gender, race, or disability, contact the Office of Civil Rights. The U.S. Department of Education takes cases of discrimination very seriously and may be able to provide assistance.
A skilled counselor can help your child and your family navigate the situation and lessen the emotional impact. If you need recommendations for providers, ask your child’s pediatrician, the school, or your health insurance company.
If the bullying involves physical threats, contact law enforcement. If your local police department isn’t helpful, contact county or state officials, as they often have more expertise and resources for dealing with technology-related crimes.
The chances of your child witnessing cyberbullying are even greater than them being a victim. This is especially true because cyberbullying can happen anywhere, from social media to text messages.
Here are some actions you can take if your child witnesses harassment:
The impact of cyberbullying on kids is well-documented and should not be taken lightly. Fortunately, by taking swift and considered action, parents can help their child navigate the experience of online bullying and lessen its impact.
stopbullying.gov
cyberbullying.org
schoolsafety.gov
You feel like you finally, finally have a handle on your teen’s social media life … then they block you.
Cue all the feelings.
As a parent, our number one job is to keep our kids safe. That includes keeping them safe online. When they suddenly go incognito by cutting us off from seeing their posts, it can feel like they’re three years old again and disappear into a busy crowd.
After you’ve had your (totally normal, completely understandable) mental freakout, try to see this as an opportunity. If you approach it intentionally, this blip could ultimately lead to a more productive relationship between you and your teen around their social media use.
It’s easy to jump to the worst-case scenario about why your teen blocked you. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re up to no good or have something awful to hide.
The teenage years are a crucial time for self-discovery and forging independence. To do that, teens need spaces where they can interact with their peers away from an adult’s watchful eye. When you were a teen, that space may have been the mall or the skate park. Like it or not, for this generation, social media has become a vital place to connect with their friends.
As a parent, it’s important to strike a balance of giving kids space and independence, while still protecting them. It’s no easy task, but it is possible.
Your instinct might be to ban your teen from all social media. That’s a normal reaction. But the hard truth is, if your teen wants to be on social media badly enough, they’ll find a way. From logging in on a friend’s phone to creating a finsta (an Instagram account under a fake name), teens are very clever at outsmarting their parents when it comes to technology.
Your best bet is to do everything you can to create an open channel of communication with your teen so they don’t feel the need to hide anything from you in the first place. Good communication, combined with giving them space in ways that you’re comfortable with, is key in building mutual trust.
The first step in forging this open communication is to ask your teen why they blocked you. Try to take any judgment and anger out of it. You’ll be more likely to get an honest answer if they don’t feel like they’re in trouble before they even open their mouth. Then — and this step is crucial — listen to everything they have to say without argument or interruption.
Once you’ve uncovered what led them to block you, work with them to find a way forward. You’re still the parent, you have the final say, but you may need to compromise with your teen to reach a solution.
Perhaps it’s as simple as promising that you won’t comment or like any of their posts. (Ugh, Mom, why do you have to be so embarrassing?!)
Or maybe you agree to stay blocked if your teen agrees to sit down with you on a regular basis and go through some of their posts with you. They get to keep some autonomy, while you get a window into their online life.
Another option to consider: the BrightCanary app, which uses advanced technology to monitor your child’s social media and alerts you if anything concerning pops up. Tools like this allow you to give your teen the independence they want and need, while providing you with peace of mind.
Whatever solution you land on, remember you’ll have the best chance of long-term cooperation from your teen if they have a voice in the decision.
When your teen blocks you on social media, it can be very upsetting. But it doesn’t necessarily spell trouble. It’s a teenager’s job to break away from their parents. It’s a parent’s job to help them find independence in a way that is safe and responsible. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all way to handle getting blocked. But if you approach the issue with an open mind and listen to your teen, it’s possible to find a solution that keeps both you and your teen happy and safe.
Tweens. That magical time when children are solidly old enough to entertain themselves, but still young enough to regularly utter the two words that are like nails on a chalkboard to any busy parent: “I’m bored.”
If you’re the parent of a 10- to-12-year old and looking for some fresh responses to the boredom blues, look no further. We’ve compiled this handy list of activities — both with and without screens — to keep your tween happy and occupied.
No, not a puzzle game on your tablet — we mean the good old-fashioned kind that comes in a box.
There is no pesky vacation-budget for this trip. Have your child pick their dream destination and plot out the route on Google Maps, adding in fun stops and quirky detours along the way.
Put a twist on your run-of-the-mill scavenger hunt by having your tween take a picture as proof they solved each clue. For bonus retro points, dig out that old Polaroid or Instax collecting dust.
Comic books and graphic novels are more popular than ever. If your kid loves reading them (and even if they don’t), suggest they create a short comic book of their own. They could make a sequel to their favorite book or movie, or start entirely from scratch. If they’re stuck trying to come up with an idea, a quick internet search for “writing prompts for kids” will turn up plenty of topics to kick-start their creativity.
Younger generations are more engaged than ever in causes that matter to them. Have your child pick something that reflects their values and then plan an event to raise money for it.
The same bracelets you made from embroidery thread when you were young are still all the rage. It’s a relatively cheap, ultra-portable craft, and the nostalgia factor might even get you in there braiding away with your kids.
The internet is rife with tutorials for aspiring young magicians looking to up their game. Just make sure to let them know if disappearing the family pet is off limits!
This is a great one for getting kids outside and physically active. Scrap wood, hula hoops, pool noodles, and laundry baskets all make excellent building materials.
If your child is new to the kitchen, this activity will require a little more supervision on your part. But it’s great for building skills and future independence. And just think — if they really take to it, you might be able to delegate dinner duty now and again!
Live action or stop motion are both great options. From storyboarding to script writing to filming and editing, there is plenty to keep your kid engaged with this project.
Driveways, garages, cul-de-sacs, empty streets and sports courts are all DIY skate rinks waiting to happen. Hang a disco ball, turn on some tunes, and your at-home skate night will be ready to go.
Not only will this keep them busy, it will teach your kids business skills and let them earn some extra pocket change. Alternatively, they could select a charity for the funds to benefit.
Forget Weird Al. Set your kids loose with this activity and see what parody shenanigans ensue.
Milk cartons become skyscrapers and tin cans become water towers in this analog SimCity.
LEGO bricks, recyclables, and popsicle sticks all make excellent boats. Once it’s built, your kids can test it in the bathtub, adding one penny at a time to see how many coins it takes to sink their creation.
Research shows that boredom and unstructured time are good for children and help them develop valuable skills. With a little nudge and a few suggestions, your tween’s “I’m bored” can quickly turn into hours of fun — and perhaps even a new hobby. So the next time your child comes to you with those dreaded words, pull out this list and let the adventure begin.
You know the scene. Your ordinarily sweet, happy, agreeable (or mostly, anyway) offspring turns into a whining, screaming mess when you tell them screen time is over.
We’ve all been there. And we all know that setting healthy screen limits is in our children’s best interest. But the pushback we face when we try to set or enforce those limits can weaken the resolve of even the most determined among us.
When your child pitches a fit about screen time ending, they aren’t being difficult for the sake of being difficult (although it can certainly feel like that in the moment). It turns out there’s a scientific explanation for this familiar screen time woe.
Screen time, like other pleasurable activities, releases dopamine, sometimes called the “feel good hormone.” When screen time ends, dopamine levels drop, and a child may experience withdrawal. Experts say this experience can feel painful to children.
The younger the child, the less they have developed the skills to regulate their emotions and navigate transitions, further leading to breakdowns and tantrums when screen time is over.
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to minimize the tantrums when screen time is over.
If you’re looking to reduce your child’s overall screen time, don’t do it all at once. Small reductions in screen time will be easier for them to handle and more likely to lead to new habits that stick.
Rather than jumping right to your end goal, start by reducing screen time by one-third or one-half and work downward from there.
For example, if your child spends four hours a day on screens, aim to cut it back to about three-and-a-half hours. After a few days or weeks, cut it back to two hours.
It’s never too young to start teaching your children digital literacy. Explain the reason for your screen time limits to your child in terms that match their age. For a toddler or preschooler, it could be as simple as saying, “It’s good for your brain to also do things that aren’t on screens.” As children get older, you can go into more detail.
Children thrive on routines. Allowing screens at the same time each day will help them know what to expect and be better able to adjust to limits.
If your child learns that you occasionally give in to their begging for extra screen time, they will continue to beg each time in the hopes that you’ll cave again. If you need to give extra screen time — say, when your child is home sick and you’re on a deadline at work — explain your reasons and let them know it's a temporary change.
There are things you can do to help your child transition from screen time to the next activity and minimize the chances of an outburst.
Before your child starts using screens, have them decide what they want to do after screen time is over. Give your child something to look forward to, whether it’s their favorite snack or a trip to the park. Your child’s dependence on screens may have caused them to lose interest in other activities they previously enjoyed, so you may need to suggest some activities at first. Over time, they’ll rediscover old interests — or develop new ones — and start to need your ideas less and less.
Giving periodic time checks can be helpful in preparing your child to transition away from screen time.
Experts suggest involving your child in the process of countdown warnings to help minimize power struggles by giving them some control in the matter. They can help choose at what increments to receive warnings and set the timer themselves.
Avoid ending screen time in the middle of a show or at the pivotal point of a game. This will only increase your child’s frustration at being told it’s time to stop.
One way to do this is to set screen limits by the number of show episodes instead of a time limit.
If your child’s screen time involves a game that requires wrapping up (getting back to base in Minecraft, for example), their final countdown warning might need to include a gentle reminder to begin that process.
Screen time withdrawal is real and takes time and effort to work through. Habits don’t change overnight. Be patient with your child (and yourself!). By being intentional and starting small, you’ll be well on your way to a healthier digital balance in your household.
You may have noticed your kids obsessing over numbers lately. And no, they're not super into their math homework. The number on the top of many kids’ minds is their Snapchat Snap Score — a number seemingly insignificant to many parents that can nevertheless feel very important to their children. Read on to find out everything you ever wanted to know about Snap Scores, including how Snapscores work and how they might be impacting your child’s mental health.
A Snap Score is a representation of how active a user is on the app. It’s a running tally of how often they use different functions within Snapchat, combined into one number. The more you use Snapchat, the higher your Snapscore. It’s essentially a ranking system designed to keep users engaged with the app that has taken on great social importance with many kids and young adults.
A user’s Snapscore is displayed at the top of their profile, represented by a light blue version of the Snapchat icon, a ghost known as Ghostface Chillah.
Snapchat keeps its Snap Score algorithm — a complex metric for gauging how much engagement a user generates — under wraps, but the basic equation is more engagement with the app equals a higher Snapscore.
Your child's Snapscore increases the more they're active in the app. Sending, receiving, and replying to Snaps (pictures), adding friends, and accumulating Snapchat streaks (how many days in a row Snaps are exchanged with the same friend) all drive up the number. Watching videos in the Discover section of Snapchat will also make your score go up.
To get a higher Snapscore, the user must stay active on Snapchat. Sending Snaps is a one place to start. Focusing on making exciting Snaps that people are likely to engage with is one strategy for raising your score. Exchanging Snaps with the same friend every day to earn a streak also bumps up your Snap Score.
Make sure to open and reply to all the Snaps you receive — that will increase your score as well. And if you’re not feeling inspired to send Snaps, adding new friends on Snapchat and watching videos in the Discover section are all ways to get a higher Snapscore.
How often Snapscores update can vary anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. Generally speaking, the more you use Snapchat, the more often you can expect your score to update.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to hide your Snap Score altogether. You can hide your Snap Score from specific people, but you must unfriend or block them on Snapchat and then adjust your settings to only display your profile to friends.
It’s not possible to disable your Snapscore. However, you can set your profile so that only friends can view it, which will make your Snapscore invisible to non-friends. Click on the gear-shaped Settings icon, then scroll to the Who Can section. From there, select Contact Me and change your profile visibility to My Friends.
Ghost Mode will not hide your Snapscore — it only hides your location on the Snap Map. For privacy reasons, we recommend making sure your child has Ghost Mode enabled.
Arguably, the entire goal of Snap Scores is to entice users to spend more time in the Snapchat app. After all, higher engagement drives a higher score. So, if screen time is a concern for you , it’s important to know that a drive to keep their Snapscore high could be keeping your kid on their device more than you would like.
Additionally, kids often compete with each other for higher Snapscores. Snapscores also serve as social feedback for kids with a higher Snapscore seen as a measure of how well-liked someone is. Both of these factors can have an impact on a kid’s self-esteem and mood.
Snapscores are a measure of how much a user interacts with Snapchat. The draw to constantly raise their Snapscore as well as the social currency associated with Snapscores can have an impact on children’s well-being. It’s important for parents to understand the complicated and important role social media plays in the modern landscape of their kids so they can help them navigate the potential pitfalls.
You know you need to ask your children for their passwords so you can keep tabs on their online activity. But the thought of having that conversation causes you to break out into a cold sweat. What if they push back? What if they think you don’t trust them? Is this the internet equivalent of sneaking into their bedroom and reading their diary?
Even though your intentions are good, you have to tread lightly.
First, take a deep breath. You can do this. Remind yourself that you don’t need to have all the answers. You’ll make mistakes and you’ll course correct. The important thing is that you’re taking a crucial first step toward monitoring your child’s online activity.
After you’ve taken that deep breath (or two!), the next step is to have an open conversation with your child about why you need their logins. Here are some helpful tips for how to talk to them.
Listen more than you talk. Find out what your child’s online experience has been so far and if they have any concerns. Here are some examples of conversation starters:
Internet safety is an ongoing conversation and it’s important to create an open channel of communication right from the start.
Two of our biggest jobs as parents are to keep our children safe and to raise them into good adults. Let them know you aren’t interested in becoming a digital overlord spying on their every online move. Your goal is to respectfully guide them to develop responsible digital habits they’ll carry with them into adulthood.
It's like when you taught them how to cross the street. You didn’t just throw them into traffic as a toddler, did you? Of course not. You went from carrying them, to holding their hand, to walking next to them, until they were eventually ready to go it alone. Along the way you taught them to look both directions, pay attention, and use the crosswalk.
Think of Google or YouTube as the intersection of the internet—it’s your job to teach your kid how to safely get to the other side.
Kids need and want clear boundaries. (Not that they’ll ever admit it.) They feel safest and most confident when they know where the guiderails are.
And since you just talked about partnership, you can make expectation setting a collaborative effort. The more opportunity for input they have, the more buy-in you’re likely to get. You might even consider writing a digital family agreement together.
BrightCanary doesn't require passwords to monitor most apps, but you need your child's logins to monitor Google and YouTube. Text Message Plus users will also need their child's Apple ID — which requires a conversation about passwords.
The beauty about a monitoring service like BrightCanary is that you don’t need to directly monitor every little click and tap to know your child is safe. (And let’s be honest, that is bound to be a relief for both of you. Because who has time to scroll through hundreds of interactions?)
Let your child know what kinds of activities that will trigger an alert and your plan for following up when one occurs.
After a few weeks of having their logins, sit down again to discuss how it’s going for you both. Periodically checking in and giving your child space to voice any questions or concerns they may have is vital for building trust.
Now that you have a game plan, it’s time to set it into motion.
Asking your child for their passwords can be awkward, but you can do it while maintaining two-way trust and respect. First ask questions about what they've seen and experienced online and on social media. Set expectations, tell them how you plan to use their logins, and set a regular time to review their activity.
You have your plan in place, so go ahead and call your child in to talk. Except they probably can’t hear you over the YouTube video they’re watching. Try texting them. No, wait . . . kids don’t text anymore. You’ll need to DM them on Instagram. Better yet, just wait until they wander into the kitchen for a snack.
You’ve got this.
