At What Age Should a Child Get a Phone?

child near blank signs looking at phone with like and love icons

Getting a young child their first phone is a big decision. And naturally, parents will have a lot of questions—is it too soon? Do they need it? Are they responsible enough? Is it safe at this age? What age should a child get a phone?

There are a lot of benefits to your child having a phone. They can reach you when they’re at a friend’s house, they can call you if practice ends early, and they can call grandma directly to tell her that mom still hasn’t figured out how to make her cinnamon rolls. 

Then on the other hand, you get so many warnings and dangers that you might think you’re harming your child if you give them a phone too soon. So, what’s the right age?

Average age for a child’s first cell phone

Are you hurting your child by giving them a phone early? The research is mixed. According to a study conducted by Stanford Medicine, there isn’t a correlation between when kids get their phones and their overall well-being. The study also found that the average age children get a phone is 11.6 years old, and the average age range is 10.7 to 12.5 years old.

But a recent global study found the opposite.

So while studies are still being conducted, your decision will depend on your child and your family’s beliefs.

Reasons a child might need a phone

You probably wonder why a young child would need a phone. It’s more common to hear about the negatives, so you might be surprised at how many scenarios there are when a phone makes sense:

  • They walk home from school or a friend’s house often, and you need to be able to track their whereabouts or for them to be able to contact you
  • Your child is in after-school or extracurricular activities, and you need to be able to contact them if you’re running late or someone else is picking them up
  • Your child is in charge of watching your other children, or they babysit and need a way to contact you quickly

Pros of giving a child a phone

Of course, giving a child a phone has pros and cons. First, let’s start with the good:

  • Safety. Having direct contact with your child no matter where he/she goes is important. In today’s world, you can’t be sure everyone and every place is safe, so giving your child a way to contact you in an emergency or you being able to track their whereabouts is important.
  • Teaches responsibility. Kids know that phones are expensive. Giving them a cell phone gives them something valuable to be responsible for, which can teach important lessons. Teaching your child to take care of the phone, not lose it, and use it responsibly can help him or her make mature decisions.
  • Parental connections. Most smartphones have a way to link the parent’s phone to the child’s. This helps you directly control what your child can and cannot do on the phone, and also helps you keep closer tabs on them via location tracking, etc. You can even set screen time limits or block specific apps and websites. 

Cons of giving a child a phone

Understanding the downsides of giving a child a phone is important too. They include:

  • Keeping up with the Joneses. If you get your child a phone because everyone else has one, you aren’t teaching them to make their own decisions and not worry about everyone else. And when their classmate gets the newest version that just hit stores, all of a sudden the one they have might not be good enough. 
  • They are expensive. Phones are costly, and if your child loses or breaks it, the cost is even higher. It’s a big responsibility to give children; if your child isn’t ready, it can be disastrous.
  • Access to unwanted content. If you aren’t careful, your child may access content you don’t want them to see. You must be regularly reviewing their phone use, using a child safety app, and limiting what they can access to keep them safe.
  • Marketing influx. The apps that kids like to be on tend to be marketing machines. When kids have a steady stream of ads and influencer content, they may start asking for trendy items that they wouldn’t normally be interested in.
  • People with ill intentions. Between scams, catfishing, and predatory interactions, having a phone can open up your children to unwanted attention. There are ways to safeguard your children, but having a phone does open them up to potential problems. 

How do you know your child is ready for a phone?

No two children are the same, but here are some signs your child is ready for a phone:

  • Your child is showing signs of maturity and independence 
  • You can trust your child to share the passwords with you and allow you to check the phone often
  • Your child obeys basic rules around the home, such as bedtime or turning the TV off after enough screen time
  • Your child can agree to your terms and conditions of owning a phone

Signs your child isn’t ready for a phone

If your child exhibits any of the following signs, they may not be ready:

  • Your child is impulsive and makes decisions that aren’t in their best interest
  • Your child constantly loses things and blames everyone else for it
  • Your child routinely defies basic household rules, and there’s frequent disagreement around behavior especially as it relates to safety
  • You worry about your child being too distracted by more screen time

Final thoughts

There’s no right or wrong age to get your child a phone. It depends on your child’s maturity level, ability to handle such an investment and your child’s activities that might warrant getting a phone much sooner than others. Don’t base your decision on what other families do, but on what you and your family value and need for peace of mind.

What app lets you read your child's text messages? Screenshots of BrightCanary, Qustodio, and Bark apps

Texting can expose kids to several risks, including explicit images, cyberbullying, and online predators. It’s a good idea to monitor their text messages — staying involved helps you ensure their peer relationships are healthy and that they’re not getting into trouble. Your monitoring efforts should adjust over time as your child matures, so it’s important to use a child safety app that lets you stay involved while respecting their growing independence. But what app lets you read your child’s text messages? Here are a few popular options.

Apps that let you read your child’s text messages

There are a number of apps that let you read your child’s text messages. But some are better than others when it comes to effectiveness, ease of use, and compatibility with Apple devices. 

Bark

Bark uses machine learning to adapt to the latest slang as it scans your child’s device. It’s optimized for text monitoring on Androids, but falls short when it comes to Apple devices. 

On iOS, Bark offers no uninstall protection, and users can’t lock VPN settings. Because of that, and the fact that Bark runs off your child’s device, it’s easy for them to delete Bark and bypass or disable features. 

Installation is also complicated, and monitoring texts on iPhones requires running the desktop app in the background of your home computer. It only scans Apple devices when the child is connected to your home WiFi, so you’re left in the dark until they get back. 

And because you can only view texts related to an alert (even then, you’re only shown a snippet), you’re left without context when you discuss an issue with your child. In most cases, if your child deletes a text, you also can’t view it later.

Qustodio

Qustodio has a robust set of parental controls, an easy-to-use interface, and is one of the few parental control apps that monitors texts on Android. 

However, its features are limited on Apple devices. It also requires an additional app loaded on to your Mac in order to monitor your child’s Apple device. In addition, most features can be bypassed using a VPN, and users report that the app frequently misses relevant texts. 

mSpy

mSpy provides remote, real-time monitoring capabilities for parents, using customizable keywords, but it has some serious drawbacks. 

Because it doesn’t use machine learning to analyze the entire context of the conversation and has no category-based scanning, it can easily miss concerning texts. It also doesn’t include cyberbullying or online predator alerts — two issues which are much more nuanced and can be difficult to capture with only keywords. 

In addition, as the name would imply, mSpy is built around the concept of spying on kids. It features things like remote camera access, a keylogger, and the ability to record phone conversations. This intrusive approach is aimed at “catching” kids in the wrong, rather than a more effective and supportive approach built on teamwork and mutual respect. 

Pinwheel

Pinwheel is a smartphone with built-in parental controls and its own operating system. It requires purchasing a Pinwheel phone (an Android device loaded with the Pinwheel operating system). This means Apple products aren’t an option, and iOS-specific apps aren’t compatible, although parents can run the caregiver app from their own iPhone. 

Not all Pinwheel devices work with all major carriers, so you may need to switch phone plans. Because it doesn’t allow any social media or internet access, it’s a decent option for younger kids. But as your child matures and is ready to learn how to use the internet safely, the Pinwheel phone is no longer an ideal choice. 

BrightCanary

In the world of apps that let you read your child’s texts, BrightCanary stands out for its effectiveness and ease of use on iOS. It uses advanced technology to monitor your child’s texts (along with YouTube, Google, Instagram, and TikTok) and alerts you to any concerns. 

BrightCanary uses large language models to analyze the context of your child’s texts and summarize conversations, so you don’t have to read every individual message (but you can if you need to). The app is able to effectively identify concerning content across a broad range of categories, such as adult images, drugs, and self-harm. 

Parents can view the full content of text messages, as opposed to other apps, which just show snippets. You can even read deleted texts. This means you can go into a conversation with your child with all the information you need to follow up on the issue. 

And because it’s installed on the parent’s device, kids can’t delete or bypass it. BrightCanary is an excellent app for monitoring your child’s text messages on iOS. 

The final word

Monitoring your child’s text messages keeps you informed of any concerns so you can help them stay safe from dangers like cyberbullying, online predators, and adult content. While many apps allow you some access to your child’s texts, BrightCanary offers the most robust, accurate, and user-friendly monitoring and stands out for its stellar compatibility with Apple products. 

Tween boy texting on phone with text message monitoring

As a parent of two boys, I’ve learned a lot about navigating the digital world alongside my kids. When we first gave my 12-year-old son his first device, an iPad, I worried what challenges would arise by giving him access to text messaging. I felt it was important to monitor his texts with friends, but I hadn’t considered the implications. Here’s what I wish I’d known, along with some advice for parents who are monitoring for the first time.

Why we decided to monitor our son’s texts

My wife and I had plenty of discussions about our son’s first device and the parental controls we’d use. Apple Screen Time allowed us to set limits on how much time he spent on his iPad and which apps he could download, but it didn’t give us any visibility into his text messages.

Was it overkill to also read his texts? My 12-year-old isn’t an adult. Tweens need guidance and supervision in most areas of their lives, including the digital world. While it’s important to give kids privacy and increased autonomy as they grow older, using technology in a healthy way is a learned skill.

I was weighing all of this when a good friend told me about his 11-year-old son.

It turns out that his son was messaging a complete stranger on his iPad. The stranger was asking him to send inappropriate photos, and his 11-year-old was totally unprepared for how to handle the situation. To this day, my friend doesn’t know how the stranger got his son’s contact information.

Texting is a gateway for kids entering the highs and lows of the digital world. Although text messaging isn’t categorized as social media, the risks are similar, including exposure to scams, predators, and cyberbullying. Text messaging with friends can quickly turn to text messaging with strangers. 

That’s why when we gave our son his iPad, we also introduced text message monitoring.

Kids are surprisingly receptive to phone rules

We chatted about our expectations with our 12-year-old, like only messaging people we knew and always responding to us as soon as possible. We also explained how we were using technology to keep him safe — by monitoring his texts with BrightCanary.

BrightCanary uses AI to summarize text threads for you, allowing us to skim conversations and understand the gist of what’s being discussed. The app alerts us if it detects anything concerning, like drug references or bullying.

We didn’t want our son to feel like we were spying on him, but we wanted him to know that supervising his messages helped us ensure he wasn’t involved in any conversations he couldn’t handle. 

Balancing privacy and safety is crucial. For parents considering text message monitoring for the first time, it’s important to have transparent conversations with your kids about the dangers of digital platforms.Discuss the risks associated with mental health, sleep deprivation, predation, and bullying. Educate them about these issues and establish open lines of communication.

We have an open-door policy with our son; if something makes him uncomfortable, he knows he can talk to me or my wife anytime.

Text conversations are different than face-to-face interactions

The anonymity of the internet can lead kids to say things they wouldn’t normally say in person. It’s a tumultuous time in their development, and their communications reflect that. 

A lot of your child’s text messages will probably be mundane, but some of them might be concerning. It’s important to talk to your child about their text threads to get context about the conversations. Remember, you’re entering a group dynamic with its own language. Once you understand the nature of your child’s conversations, you can decide whether to intervene or gradually loosen the reins.

I was surprised to find instances of bullying in some of my son’s group chats.

 He wasn’t directly involved, but it gave us a chance to talk about how to handle similar situations. We talked about why the comments were inappropriate, how friends should treat each other, and what to do if someone makes you feel uncomfortable.

Younger kids need more hands-on supervision, especially when it comes to personal safety and behavior online. They don’t prioritize safety and often lean on their parents to guide their online interactions. There are still a lot of unknowns now that my son has access to the digital world, but monitoring is helping me have more proactive conversations with him, so we’re more prepared for future situations.

Monitoring changes as your child grows older

As kids become teens, they start valuing their privacy more. When our son first got his iPad, my wife and I were actively monitoring: more hands-on, regularly checking his activity and having conversations about his device use. 

As he matures and demonstrates that he can follow the rules set, we’ll transition to passive monitoring. We won’t keep tabs on everything, but we’ll have safeguards to alert us if something concerning happens. 

For instance, if someone sends him a link that sends him down a rabbit hole of online searches, BrightCanary will alert us if he sees anything concerning. We’re still having regular conversations about online safety, but that safety net gives us peace of mind. 

The bottom line

Giving your child their first tablet or phone is a big milestone, and it brings a range of new challenges that you have to navigate as a parent. Decades ago, parents used to listen in on phone conversations or monitor the shows we watched on the family TV. Today, parents have to adapt their approaches for the digital age. 

Monitoring is part of preparing our kids for a responsible and healthy digital future. It’s an essential part of modern parenting — and one of the ways we can keep our kids safe and supported in the digital world.

child using phone on couch

Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:

  • Kids learn their digital habits from their parents. What are your behaviors teaching them about screen time?
  • How does Apple Screen Time work, and how can parents use it to set limits on their kids’ devices? We break down what parents should know.
  • Can an app help you conquer your screen time and set better examples for your kids?


Digital Parenting News

Want your child to cut back on their screen time? Check yourself first

If it seems like your child is glued to their screens 24/7, they might be learning from you. New research published in Pediatric Research found that parental screen use is highly associated with higher adolescent screen time and problematic social media or video game use.

This is tied to “parental modeling,” where kids learn behaviors from their parents. If they see you watching screens during meals or using your phone in bed, they don’t learn to set boundaries around device use. This is problematic because screen use during meals and at bedtime is linked to higher overall screen time and addictive behaviors, like struggling to reduce social media use and dropping everything to respond to a notification on their phone.

“It’s especially important that parents follow their own rules and practice what they preach,” said Jason Nagata, a pediatrician at the University of California at San Francisco and the lead author of the study, “because even if they think their kids aren’t watching them, they really are.”

What parents can do: First, recognize that screens aren’t inherently bad — but kids need to learn healthy device use. Here are some recommendations:

🛑 Set screen time limits and stick to them. The study found that parental monitoring and limiting adolescent screen time were linked to less problematic screen use. Tools like Apple Screen Time, Google Family Link, and apps like Unpluq can help.

🍽️ Enforce screen-free zones at home. Start with no phones at the dinner table and no phones in the bedroom at night. Explain why these changes matter, such as improving sleep by avoiding blue light.

💬 Talk about device use. If you struggle to avoid certain apps, be honest with your child. This can spark a conversation, as they might be dealing with similar issues, allowing you to brainstorm solutions together.


Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.


Practical Parenting Tips

How does Apple Screen Time work? An honest guide to Apple Screen Time

What is Apple Screen Time work, and how can parents use it to set limits on their kids’ devices? We break down essential tips for this free resource that every parent should know.

8 tips for quality family time

Looking for new ideas for spending time with family this sumer? We’ve got you covered with eight ideas for quality time.


Tech Talks With Your Child

One way to get your child’s buy-in when you’re introducing the whole “use your phone less” topic? Get them talking. Save these conversation-starters for your next check-in. 

  1. “How do you feel when you look at your phone before bed? Does it make you sleepy or keep you awake?”
  2. “When you get a notification, do you drop everything to check it, or check it later?”
  3. “Do you ever use social media to make yourself feel happier? What are some other things that make you happy?”
  4. “I’d like for us to put our screens away during dinner so we can catch up. What do you think about that?”
  5. “Do you ever feel like you want to use your phone less? Do certain apps bother you?”


What’s Catching Our Eye

📵 The largest US school district has banned phones in schools. The Los Angeles Unified School District will ban cellphones during the entire school day, possibly by having students place their phones in lockers or pouches. The ban takes effect in January.

❗An exclusive WSJ report found that Instagram recommends sexual videos to accounts for 13-year-olds. The findings align with a 2022 Meta analysis that found teens saw three times as many prohibited posts containing nudity, 1.7 times as much violence and 4.1 times as much bullying content as users above the age of 30. According to Meta, teens under 16 aren’t supposed to be shown sexually explicit content at all — more reason to not trust social media companies to protect our kids. 

👀 Word on the street is that there’s a new look with BrightCanary text monitoring. Have you tried our new text message summaries with built-in advice and coaching? Download the latest version of BrightCanary today!

😌How do you cultivate mindful digital habits at home? We spoke with Unpluq CEO Caroline Cadwell about how parents can model appropriate digital behavior for kids.

hand holding nokia phone over pink wall

Dumb phones are the perfect way to give your child a phone, without letting them have social media at their fingertips. And because of their rising popularity, there are more options on the market now than ever. Read on to learn all about the dumb phone, including our top picks for the best dumb phones for kids. 

What are dumb phones?

Dumb phones are stripped-down devices with basic features such as calling and texting, but without the more advanced options smartphones offer. While some include functions like internet browsing, their design prioritizes essential telephone functions and eliminates addictive temptations like social media

Dumb phone vs. flip phone

Although the terms are often used interchangeably, there’s actually a distinction between dumb phones and their retro counterpart, the flip phone. Unlike flip phones, dumb phones typically resemble smartphones in the way they’re built. Both are pared down devices, but dumb phones usually include some conveniences — like a touch screen, navigation, and the ability to play music — that many flip phones leave out. 

Why more kids are using dumb phones

Gen Z is driving the trend toward dumb phones. There are several reasons for this shift toward less-is-more technology:

Nostalgia

Hot on the heels of the 90’s fashion comeback, the Y2K aesthetic is back in a big way. Many young people are going beyond slip dresses, trucker hats, and low-rise jeans to bring the early aughts to their tech life as well. That includes gravitating toward simpler, turn-of-the-century technology when the bygone Blackberry reigned supreme. 

Mental health 

Experts have sounded the alarm about the youth mental health crisis. While there are multiple contributing factors, it’s now widely recognized that social media contributes to mental health concerns in adolescents. Some teens are taking matters into their own hands and choosing simpler technology solutions that don’t include social media.

Tech fatigue

Perhaps because they were some of the first people to live their entire lives around screens, many Gen Zers are rejecting a tech-centered existence. Opting out of social media, pushing for regulation of big tech, and turning to dumb phones are some of the ways young people are taking control of their relationship with the internet. 

Our picks: Best dumb phones for kids

If you’re interested in getting a dumb phone for your child, there are more options than ever. We’ve rounded up some recommendations to get you started:  

Nokia 225 4G

Cost: $49.99

Compatible carriers: Go Talk, Metro, and T-Mobile.

What makes it stand out: The Nokia 225 4G is a budget-friendly device at the intersection of flip phones and dumb phones. It has the stripped down simplicity of a flip phone, with a few of the bells and whistles you’ll find in the other dumb phones on our list, like a web browser and an Mp3 player. 

Wisephone

Cost: $399, currently available for preorder 

Compatible carriers: This phone can’t be used with any of the major carriers. Techless offers their own plans, starting at $24.99/month.  

What makes it stand out: The Wisephone by Techless bills itself as a “beautiful, boring phone.” With a sleek body that calls the iPhone to mind, the Wisephone comes with essential tools such as navigation, phone and text capability, and a high-quality camera. Users can customize additional features, but you won’t find social media apps anywhere on this device. 

The Light Phone

Cost: $299, currently available for preorder 

Compatible carriers: In addition to their own Light plan, this unlocked 4G LTE cell can be used with T-Mobile, Verizon (no prepaid, no numbershare), AT&T, Ting, Mint, and US Mobile.

What makes it stand out: The Light Phone is adorably small, containing just what you need with none of the frills. It offers talk and text, directions, podcasts, music, and a number of productivity apps. Like our other picks, social media apps are not available for this device. There’s not even a web browser! 

Gabb Phone 

Cost: $199.99 

Compatible carriers: Only available on the Gabb Wireless network. 

What makes it stand out: The Gabb Phone is the only device on our list specifically designed for kids and teens. It includes clean music streaming, safe text messaging, and a parent-managed app library. 

The final word 

Dumb phones are a great device option for kids. They eliminate some of the primary concerns parents have, like access to social media, and offer a minimalist experience for kids looking to cut back on tech. 

Closeup of teen girl texting on iPhone

If you suspect your child might be deleting their text messages in an attempt to hide them from you, it’s natural to be concerned and want to investigate. If you’re trying to figure out how to see your child’s deleted texts on iPhone (and if you should even read them in the first place), then you’ve come to the right place. This article covers ways to access deleted texts and how to decide if this is the right approach for your circumstances. 

Should I read my child’s deleted texts? 

First things first: spying on your child is generally not a good idea. It’s an invasion of their privacy and could jeopardize the mutual trust you’ve worked to build with them. If you feel it’s necessary to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s important to be transparent with them rather than going behind their back. 

So, how do you decide if it’s necessary to read their deleted texts in the first place? Here are some tips: 

Consider your reasons

The fact that your child is deleting texts probably isn’t enough on its own to warrant trying to access the missing messages. In fact, there are perfectly innocent reasons this may be happening, like the age-appropriate desire for privacy and independence. 

There are, however, concerning reasons they may be concealing messages. If you suspect something more serious like drugs or alcohol, investigating further is a good idea. 

Exhaust other options first

If you suspect your child may be deleting their texts for a concerning reason, your first course of action should be to talk to them. Let them know you’re worried and your priority is their safety. Ask them what’s going on and give them the space to tell you without judgment. 

How to restore deleted texts

After considering the above points, if you still feel it’s necessary to view your child’s deleted texts, here’s how to do it.

Messages app 

Available for: iOS 16 and above. 

How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)

Steps to restore texts

  • Open the Messages app
  • Tap Edit in the upper-left corner
  • Choose Show Recently Deleted
  • Tap the message(s) you want to recover
  • Select Recover in the lower-right corner
  • Tap Recover Message(s)

iCloud 

How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)

Important note: Because this method requires factory resetting your child’s iPhone settings, all of the data on their phone will be wiped out. So, it’s important to back up their data first, especially from the Messages app — or you’ll wipe out the very data you’re trying to access.

Steps to back up your child’s data: 

  1. Go to Settings
  2. Tap your child’s name
  3. Go to iCloud
  4. Select Manage Storage > Backups

Steps to restore texts:

  1. Go to Settings > General
  2. Scroll down and select Reset
  3. Select Erase All Content and Settings
  4. Turn on your kid’s iPhone and set it up from the start
  5. On the Apps and Data window, choose Restore from iCloud Backup

BrightCanary 

This is definitely the easiest method to view your child’s deleted texts. (Just two steps!) BrightCanary is also the only child safety app that allows parents to review deleted texts on iOS devices.

How far back it can go: Monitoring begins as soon as your child’s account is connected to BrightCanary. Any texts your child sends, receives, or deletes after that point will remain in their text history. 

Steps to view deleted texts: 

  1. Open the BrightCanary app
  2. On the dashboard, tap text messages
  3. Look for the Deleted tag as you scroll through conversations

If you haven’t set up text message monitoring with BrightCanary yet, here’s how to do it.

Additional steps to monitor your child’s text messages

The best way to monitor your child’s text messages is to be proactive so you don’t need to read their deleted texts in the first place. Here are some ideas: 

  • Encourage open communication. When your child first gets their phone, make it clear your goal is to help them learn to use it safely. Encourage them to come to you with any problems.
  • Digital safety check-ins. Make it a point to regularly sit down with your child to look at their phone together and talk about how they’re using it.
  • Download BrightCanary. BrightCanary uses advanced technology to monitor your child’s text messages and alert you to any issues so you can head them off before they become a problem. 

The bottom line

The best approach to monitoring your child’s text messages is open communication and the use of a monitoring app, such as BrightCanary. If you’re concerned and feel the need to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s best to be transparent with them about it first. 

Teen boy looking at phone

If it feels like your previously communicative kiddo suddenly turned into the silent type when they became a teenager, you’re not alone. It’s common for teens to have a hard time talking to their parents.

Texting is often a good way to get them to open up because it removes a lot of the things that make communicating face-to-face difficult for teens. For example, teens may have a difficult time accurately interpreting adult’s tone and facial expressions. Texting eliminates that barrier. 

But before you fire up your thumbs and start texting your kid, here are some important things you should know about texting teens:

1. Punctuation? What punctuation? 

It turns out teens have a lot of feelings about punctuation in texts. Here are some of the unofficial punctuation rules for texting your teen:

  • Don’t end with a period. Period. While the mid-text period is (fortunately) still allowed, ending a text with a period can cause teens to feel like what you’re saying is serious or worry that you might be mad. It may even come across as rude
  • Ellipses are stressful. When adults end a text with three dots, well … it can leave teens with too much to figure out. They often wonder what you’re leaving unsaid, and it can make them anxious.
  • Don’t overdo it. Teens use punctuation very sparingly when they text. Receiving a text with too much punctuation can be off-putting for them. A combo question-mark-and-exclamation-point seems to be especially upsetting to the younger set. 
  • They love exclamation points! So! Much! Although exclamation points might feel aggressive to the adult eye, to teens they are an unambiguous sign of enthusiasm and positivity! (Except when you’re mad at them. They can tell when an exclamation point means you’re yelling.)

2. Capitalization is out

It’s pretty common for teens to text in all lowercase. (I know!) They may not expect you to match them in eschewing capital letters, but don’t give them a hard time when they do it — it’s just texting culture. 

3. Tread lightly with emoji 

Don’t tell my 74-year-old father, but it is, in fact, possible to overdo it with emoji — especially when you’re communicating with Gen Alpha. Too many can earn you a giant eye roll. And if you do use emoji, please, I beg of you, make sure you know what they mean

4. Go crazy with Bitmoji

For all their skepticism of emoji, it turns out teens are wild about Bitmoji and find it hilarious when their parents use them in texts. 

What is Bitmoji, you ask? It’s an app which allows you to personalize an avatar that looks like you, and you can use it to convey a whole host of things over text. 

See, here’s me writing about my feelings toward all-lowercase texting:

5. Don’t leave them on read. 

Getting “left on read” means sending a text to someone without getting a response back, even though the sender can see the other person received the message. Teens don’t like to be ignored over text, and they get upset when you leave them on read. (Sound familiar?) It helps to let them know realistic timelines for replying. 

6. Memes. Memes. Memes.

Memes are another beloved form of visual communication among teens — one that they’ve taken to a whole new level. They use memes to express a variety of emotions, from humor to fear. Memes can also help teens engage with and talk about difficult subjects in a way that’s less overwhelming. Your teen might groan the first few times you send memes, but they’ll appreciate that you’re trying to speak their language.

7. Don’t be a parrot. 

It can be tempting to try and talk like your teen as a way to connect. But this can backfire. It’s okay to just use words and phrases that are true to how you really communicate. But if you really want to use the same slang you hear from your kids, be sure to confirm what it means first

Teen girl in front of graffiti wall

Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:

  • Nearly half of teens report some level of depression, with 28% showing moderate to severe symptoms.
  • How often do you use devices around your kids? New research suggests that distractions — digital or otherwise — can interfere with your bond.
  • We’re heading into summer. How are you feeling about screen time? We share some conversation-starters to help set summer screen time expectations.

Digital Parenting

How does social media affect teen mental health? 

New research conducted by the NORC at the University of Chicago investigates how social media affects teen mental health, and the results are a mixed bag. The study included 1,274 teens and young adults aged 14 to 22.

Key findings:

  • Depression rates among youth have dipped 10% from pandemic peaks, but they’re still high overall. Nearly half of teens reported some level of depression, with 28% showing moderate to severe symptoms.
  • LGBTQ+ youth are particularly affected. About half reported moderate to severe depressive symptoms, compared to nearly one-quarter of their non-LGBTQ+ peers.
  • Teens with depression are more prone to social comparison and feel pressured to show their best selves on social media. However, they also use social media to find support and tailor their feeds to promote well-being.
  • Almost a quarter of the participants use social media throughout the day, up 7% since 2018. Many teens admit they struggle to control their usage, get distracted from other activities, and mindlessly scroll when bored.

What this means for parents: Lead researcher Amanda Lenhart suggests keeping communication open and encouraging teens to be aware of their emotions while using social media. Ask questions like, “How am I feeling right now? Did I see anything that made me feel sad?”

Parental involvement is crucial. Many young adults wish their parents had delayed their social media use. By staying engaged and setting clear rules, you can help your teens safely navigate the digital world.


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Is technoference getting in the way of bonding with your kid?

A recent study published in Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reveals that any form of parental distraction, whether digital or not, negatively affects parent-child interaction. 

You may have heard about technoference (when devices interrupt family time). This study asked, “Are the screens the problem, or is it the fact that the parent is distracted?”

In the study, 50 parent-child pairs (with kids around 22 months old) were split into three groups. Group one had no disruptions. Group two parents were asked to stop play time to fill out a paper questionnaire, while group three parents used a tablet. The kids didn’t care whether the distraction was digital or analog. All distractions equally upset them, hurting the quality of interaction.

Big picture: Principal investigator Nevena Dimitrova said the screens themselves aren’t the problem. “Instead,  it seems to be the fact that the parent is not fully engaged in the interaction that negatively impacts parent-child communication.”

Said another way, it’s not your iPhone’s fault — it’s the distraction. Want to boost your bonding time? Try minimizing distractions (easier said than done, we know). Put away your phone or set aside non-digital tasks when you’re having one-on-one time with your family. Giving your full attention can do wonders for your child’s emotional health and development.


Practical Parenting Tips

10 activities for 10- to 12-year-olds to do at home

The end of the school year is coming fast. If you’re a parent of tweens looking for ways to beat the summer boredom blues, we have you covered with this list.

Reading texts: A guide for parents of 12-, 13-, and 14-year-old

Every child matures differently, and that’s especially true for devices. If you’re monitoring your child’s texts, the way you approach that supervision will change as they age. Here’s what you need to know.


Tech Talks With Your Child

The start of summer also means your child will have way more time for screens. Here are some conversation-starters to help manage their screen time:

  1. “What activities do you want to try this summer that don’t involve screens?”
  2. “How do you want to spend time with your friends this summer?”
  3. “Can we agree on a daily screen time limit that works for both of us?”
  4. “How do you feel after spending a lot of time on your phone?”
  5. “How can we make sure screen time doesn’t interfere with your sleep?”

What’s Catching Our Eye

📵 What happens when you don’t give kids phones until high school? The Cut profiles several teens whose parents delayed giving them devices, how that decision impacted their social lives, and how they use devices today.

🤔 Parents, we want to know: How do you handle summer screen time? Reply and share your thoughts! We’ll share a few responses in a future issue.

🔐 Did you know that the BrightCanary app has an easy-to-use way to store all your child’s passwords in one place? Learn more about the Password Vault — a free feature available in the BrightCanary app!

dad next to son in front of car

If you’ve been monitoring your child’s phone since they were young, great job! But now they’re getting older, and they may want (and need) more freedom. Read on for tips on how to decide when to stop checking your child’s phone and how to support your teen online as they mature. 

Minimum age to stop monitoring your child’s phone 

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), parents should monitor their children’s social media until at least age 15. But not all children mature at the same rate. It’s not like a magical switch gets flipped on their 15th birthday, suddenly turning them into a responsible, independent young person. The human brain actually continues developing until around age 25.

Some children need a parent’s support longer than their peers do. In fact, a majority of parents who responded to a PC Magazine survey said they believed parents should actively monitor their child’s tech use until age 18. So, it’s up to parents to make a judgment call based on their child.

Deciding what’s right for your family 

Chronological age is different from age of maturity, so there’s no hard-and-fast rule on when your child will be ready for you to stop monitoring their phone. (Wouldn’t it be easier if there were?) 

Here are some factors to help you decide: 

  • Personal safety risks: Consider your child’s friend group and the apps and websites they frequent to assess their likelihood of exposure to online risks. For example, if your child primarily interacts online with a close-knit group of responsible peers, their risk is likely lower.
  • Do they follow tech rules? Think about how smooth your child’s phone journey has been so far. Have they been great about following your tech rules and managed to avoid trouble online? If they have run into issues, how did they handle it? 
  • Are they generally responsible? Personality comes into play quite a bit when deciding to loosen up on monitoring your child’s phone. If your kid is the responsible type (online and off), they might be ready for more phone freedom sooner than a peer who has difficulty managing themselves.
  • Maturity level: Some children practically emerge from the womb as little adults, while others take their sweet time growing up. If your child hasn’t reached the maturity level of their peers yet, that’s okay! It just means they may need phone monitoring a bit longer. 
  • Are they open with you? A big factor is trusting your child will seek help when they run into trouble online. If you’re confident they’ll keep you in the loop if anything goes sideways, it’s probably fine to take a step back. 
  • Impulsivity and decision-making skills: Basically, this comes down to whether your child has a good head on their shoulders. If they tend to be more impulsive and demonstrate questionable decision-making skills, they likely still need adult support online. 

Even if your child still needs you to actively monitor their phone, it’s also important to prepare them for adulthood. As they grow older and display more maturity, look at ways to increase their autonomy and privacy. 

Supporting your older teen online 

As your child matures and you become more hands-off with their phone, there are some issues you’ll want to continue checking in with them about. This includes asking about their mental health and any challenges they may face online. 

Fortunately, you can reduce your direct involvement while staying supportive. Start by keeping communication open. With less monitoring from you, it’s more important than ever that your child knows they can come to you if they run into trouble online. Make it clear you’ll support them without judgment. Period. 

Check-in regularly. Ask your child what’s going on in their life — including online. We recommend having online safety check-ins on a regular cadence that works for your family.

Finally, use a customizable monitoring app. BrightCanary allows you to give your child space while keeping an eye on the big stuff. You can monitor their online activity, or you can just review the content reports that summarize potential red flags. After all, you may not feel the need to read all their texts, but you still want to know if your child encounters anything dangerous like drugs content or self-harm content.

The bottom line

Most children still need some level of parental monitoring beyond the age of 15. It’s also important for kids to have freedom and privacy as they get older so they can mature into adulthood. Parents of older teens should continue to check in with their child on major issues like mental health, while looking for ways to increase their autonomy.

teen girl looking at phone with boys in background

You know that it’s a good idea to set rules around device use, like screen time limits and making sure your child is watching age-appropriate content. But should parents monitor their children’s phones? This question is a hot debate in parenting circles. It’s likely one you’ve asked yourself. 

Forget for a moment about what your mom thread or the Reddit boards have to say. Instead, let’s dive into what the statistics say, what the research tells us, and what the experts recommend, so you can make an informed decision when it comes to your own child. 

What experts recommend

As more and more research emerges about the negative impacts of excessive phone use, experts now widely recommend supervising and limiting phone use for children. 

For kids over the age of six, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) recommends that parents limit screen-based activities for their children and instead encourage them to form healthy, offline habits. 

When it comes to explicit advice about monitoring, the American Psychological Association (APA) suggests that parents should monitor social media accounts for all kids under 15.

There aren’t strict recommendations about how much screen time kids should get each day, which makes regular monitoring even more important. Dr. Jenny Radesky, who researches how kids use media and technology, said in an interview with Today that parents should “focus on quality rather than the overall amount of time … The more important question is, what is the activity the child is doing?”

Phone use and children’s mental health 

It’s clear that experts believe parents should monitor their children’s phones. But why have so many of them taken that stance in recent years? 

For one thing, the data show a steep increase in anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide among adolescents in recent years, hitting Gen Z the hardest. Experts have proposed a connection between this alarming trend and the corresponding rise in smartphones and social media. 

Research further supports those claims. For example, studies have shown that increased social media use is a reliable predictor of worse sleep, poor body image, low self-esteem, and increased symptoms of depression among adolescents. The U.S. Surgeon General recently weighed in, warning that social media is contributing to the youth mental health crisis. 

And the impacts of phone use by adolescents extends beyond their childhood. This global study of over 27,000 young adults found a link between early phone use and worse mental health outcomes in adulthood. 

While this all might sound alarming, research also offers hope. An analysis of existing research, published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development, found that parental monitoring can lower depressive symptoms and lead to fewer risky behaviors. 

What should parents do?

Given the clear and compelling reasons parents should supervise their kids on their devices, let’s dive into how that can be accomplished. Here are specific actions you can take to keep your child safe and healthy on their phone:

  • Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. When it comes to safety, something is better than nothing. Start by taking stock of what you currently do to monitor your child’s phone (even if it’s nothing) and look at ways you can add to or refine your efforts. If you’re overwhelmed by it, start incrementally and build from there.
  • Be willing to adjust. Remember, the goal is not 100% perfection at all times. It’s about staying engaged with your child’s phone use and supporting them as they form their own healthy habits. Don’t be afraid to tweak your efforts as you see what’s working and what isn’t. 
  • Practice tech check-ins. A great way to monitor your child’s phone and help teach them good habits at the same time is to do regular tech check-ins. These are designated times when you sit with your child to look at their device together and discuss their online activity. 
  • Consider using a child safety app. BrightCanary uses AI technology to remotely monitor your child’s YouTube, Google, social media, and texts, alerting you if there’s an issue so you can follow up. 
  • Take advantage of parental control settings. Make sure you’re optimizing the parental controls both on your child’s device as well as on individual apps they use.  

In short

Experts recommend parents monitor their children’s phone use and those recommendations are born out by the research. Parents should take steps to keep their children safe and healthy on their phones, including regular check-ins and use of monitoring apps.  

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