How to Help Your Child Connect With Friends Before They’re Ready for a Phone 

A major topic of conversation among my parent cohort is how to give our tweens increasing social independence in a communication landscape vastly different from the one we grew up in. 

We’re beyond ready to stop texting other parents to help arrange hangouts, but most of us aren’t eager to hand our kids their own smartphones yet. And none of us have the landlines available that we picked up to call our friends at this age. 

What’s a modern parent to do? 

I scoured the advice of experts and conducted an informal poll of my parenting peers to bring you these tips on how to help your child connect with friends before they’re ready for their own phone.

Digital alternatives to smartphones for kids

Here are some tech solutions available to help kids connect without smartphones.  

• Cell phones as housephones. In my house, we’re exploring getting a spare smartphone, stripping it down, and leaving it in a central location in our home to function as a de facto landline. The cellphone-as-landline option allows kids the opportunity to call and message friends under close supervision and to practice important phone skills. (Have you ever watched your tween try to actually talk on the phone? I have, and it’s not pretty. These babies need some practice!) 
• Smart watches. Whether it’s a heavily locked-down Apple Watch, or a kid-specific product like the Gabb Watch, smart watches let kids text and call preapproved people without access to the internet or social media.  
• Dumb phones. Flip phones, aka dumb phones, are making a resurgence and are a great tool to give kids the benefit of a phone without the downsides of social media. 
• Tablets. When regulated using parental controls and properly monitored, tablets used at home are another viable option. 

Analog ways for kids to connect with friends

High-tech solutions are important to explore in this day and age, but they’re not the only option. Consider these non-digital ways to help kids connect.  

• Normalize knocking on doors. A common sentiment in my informal poll of parents was a fondness for the old-school approach we used during the ’80s and ’90s: walking or biking to a friend’s house and knocking on their door to play. 
• Encourage kids to plan ahead. Some parents said they encourage their kids to make plans with friends during school, involving parents as needed for logistics and transportation support. 
• Facilitate in-person opportunities. No matter the decade, taking part in sports, clubs, or other in-person activities remains an excellent way for kids to socialize without the need for technology.  

How to transition kids toward communication independence 

Practice, practice, practice

Kids these days don’t get to see the adults around them make a lot of phone calls, and most parents aren’t sharing their text messages with their kids. Because they missed out on the passive learning we took for granted, our kids need more active practice to master skills like how to answer the phone and texting etiquette. 

Be a trendsetter 

If you’re eager to delay getting your child a phone without risking their social isolation, try being an early adopter. If other parents see your child safely using a smart watch or biking to a friend’s house, they may be more likely to put off giving their child a smartphone, too. 

Collaboration is key 

If your child has a particular messenger app on a tablet, but none of their friends do, it defeats the purpose. Reach out to the parents of their besties and see if you can all get on the same page about how the kids can keep in touch. 

Guardrails are vital 

Listen, I’m not saying the minute I loaded my nephew as a contact into the family iPad that my kid used the opportunity to text his cousin a picture of his butt, but I’m not saying it didn’t happen, either. Because we’ve closely regulated who our child can message and we’re keeping close tabs on what he sends, incidents like this can serve as low-risk teachable moments. 

Communication independence doesn’t mean no supervision. It means meeting your child where they’re at, supervising them very closely at first, and then slowly loosening the reins as they prove capable.   

FAQ

What can I give my child instead of a smartphone?

Parents can give their child alternatives like smart watches, dumb phones (basic flip phones), or a shared family device. These options allow kids to call and text trusted contacts without the risks of social media or unrestricted internet access.

At what age should kids get their first phone?

Most experts recommend waiting until around age 13 to give a child their first smartphone, though the right age depends on your child’s maturity and your family’s needs. Before then, consider supervised alternatives such as smart watches or family-shared devices.

Are smart watches safer than smartphones for tweens?

Yes. Smart watches are generally safer because they allow limited texting and calling with preapproved contacts but don’t provide full internet or social media access. This makes them a good stepping stone before giving your child a smartphone.

How can I keep my tween socially connected without social media?

Kids can connect without social media through in-person activities like sports or clubs, old-fashioned playdates, or using safer tools like smart watches or family tablets. Encouraging them to plan hangouts at school or ride bikes to friends’ houses also builds independence.

What are the best parental monitoring tools for kids without smartphones?

For kids using alternatives like iPads or Apple Watches, tools like BrightCanary help parents monitor what children type across apps and browsers (for iPads) and what they text (for Apple Watch). BrightCanary provides real-time alerts and summaries, ensuring parents can guide safe communication.

Final word

For parents eager to give their tweens and young teens more freedom to connect with their friends without the involvement of adults, but who aren’t ready to give them their own smartphone, there are plenty of options. From digital solutions like smart watches to old-school techniques like riding a bike to knock on a friend’s door, families can find something that works for them. 

Regardless of the approach you take, it’s important to set kids up for success by teaching them the skills they need to be safe and monitoring their efforts as they learn their way. 

For parents adopting digital solutions like tablets, BrightCanary is here to help. The app’s advanced technology monitors what your child types and alerts you to any red flags, allowing you to give kids the freedom they want with the supervision they need. And when you’re ready to transition your child to a smartphone (with guardrails), BrightCanary has you covered there, too. Download today to get started.