Learning your child is getting groomed by a predator is every parent's nightmare, but knowing what to do next makes all the difference.
I spoke with Detective Rich Wistocki, child crime expert and founder of BeSure Consulting, to get his step-by-step guidance on what to do if your child is talking to a predator online, from what evidence to gather to how to report it to law enforcement effectively.
Wistocki warns not to report a predator to social media sites if you plan to go to the police. That’s because most platforms respond by deleting the offending account, thereby destroying evidence. Don’t do it.
Instead, here are the steps Wistocki says to take if your child is targeted by an online predator.
Bringing evidence to law enforcement is key. BrightCanary’s monitoring tools make this much easier on iPhones and iPads because everything is preserved, even deleted messages.
Wistocki says to gather these items:
Type a statement detailing everything that occurred, including how it made your child feel.
People can delete messages, edit what they sent, or even delete their accounts. Print a hard copy of your statement and all evidence.
Upload your statement and evidence to two thumb drives. Give one to the police; keep the other as backup.
Report the situation to law enforcement following Wistocki’s instructions in the next section.
Get all these tips in a free downloadable guide:
Reporting an online predator to the police protects your child and prevents the perpetrator from abusing more children. The problem, says Wistocki, is that “most of the patrol officers that you will call to take a report have no training in cybercrime and child exploitation. None.”
Wistocki warns that this lack of training can hurt a family’s chances of getting law enforcement support. He says officers may insist it’s a civil matter and that there's nothing the police can do, which is incorrect. They may tell you they’ll handle everything, but not take a report or follow up. Or they might insist that if they take a report, they also have to arrest your child for taking inappropriate pictures. (This is false. “Officers are not going to arrest your child … I promise you,” says Wistocki.)
Here are Wistocki’s tips for getting the police to take your report seriously:
After you report a predator, an ICAC-trained detective will take over the case. What happens next depends on a few factors:
If naked, semi-nude, or sexual photos or videos of your child are online, Wistocki suggests visiting takeitdown.ncmec.org. Once you upload the material, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children will obtain its digital DNA and work with participating websites such as Meta and Pornhub to remove all corresponding photos and videos from their platforms.
I asked Wistocki what advice he has for children who are hesitant to report a predatory situation. He said:
We must teach our kids that no one is allowed to make them feel bad about themselves online. No one is allowed to make them do something they should not be doing such as sextortion. If [a predator is] doing it to them, they are doing it to ten other people as well, and they need to be stopped. This is the only way.
If your child is targeted by an online predator, reporting it to the social media platform can lead to destroyed evidence. Instead, gather evidence and report it to the police, escalating to an ICAC-trained detective if necessary. Use takeitdown.ncmec.org to remove any inappropriate videos or images of your child from the internet.
