Kids start asking to join group chats as early as elementary school. They’re looking for a way to feel connected with their friends and avoid being left out. And, honestly, they’ve been watching us text each other their whole lives — they want to try it, too.
Group chats can seem innocent enough at first. Why not let kids chat with each other when they aren’t together in person? But so many of the parents I talk to find their children embroiled in social drama, peer pressure, FOMO, or worse: bullying and exposure to inappropriate content.
Trying to stay on top of it all can become completely overwhelming. It turns out that group chats are a lot to manage.
I’m Sarah Gallagher Trombley, a digital parenting expert, former Snapchat executive, and mom. In this article, I’ll share how parents can stay in the loop without micromanaging and what tools I recommend for parents today.
If you’re on the fence about allowing group chats and texting, I would try to delay it until middle school if you can.
That said, if the horse has left the barn, the ketchup is out of the bottle, etc., I have some tips to make the experience healthier for your child and more manageable for you.
The best first step is to communicate openly and frequently about texting with your child. Remember that this is a new social activity that they won’t know how to do at first.
Start by explaining the basics of texting etiquette — preferably before they send their first text message. Be clear about the rules of engagement. When is group messaging allowed? On what device? Will an adult be managing or monitoring the activity? What happens if you don’t like what you see?
Depending on the age of your child, “coaching” might include:
In any event, kids need some real oversight when they are starting out with text messaging, particularly once group chats become part of their digital world.
Pro tip: If your time is limited, then it’s a sign that you may need to limit their screen time or consider a monitoring tool that does the heavy lifting for you.
Once you feel confident that your child understands the rules and expectations, choose technology that will support your plan.
For many families, an iPad is the first device a child will text on. Apple does not offer text monitoring in their parental controls. BrightCanary does. In fact, BrightCanary is the only app I’ve seen that reliably monitors text messages on Apple devices. It’s been a game changer for many families.
For Android families, consider investing in the Bark or Qustodio apps. You might also consider purchasing a parent-managed phone like Pinwheel, Gabb, or the Bark Phone. These phones were literally made for kids and have additional features like the ability to disable group chats all together.
Managing group chats and texting takes time and effort. But with clear expectations, a coaching mindset, and the right technology, parents can make group chats a positive experience for kids — and themselves.
Sarah Gallagher Trombley is a digital parenting expert, ex-Snapchat executive, and mom. Subscribe to her free parenting newsletter Thoughts From A Digital Mom, follow her on social (Instagram @digitalmomming and TikTok @tfadigitalmom), or check out her on-demand parenting courses.
