At What Age Should a Child Get a Phone?

Getting a young child their first phone is a big decision. And naturally, parents will have a lot of questions—is it too soon? Do they need it? Are they responsible enough? Is it safe at this age? What age should a child get a phone?

There are a lot of benefits to your child having a phone. They can reach you when they’re at a friend’s house, they can call you if practice ends early, and they can call grandma directly to tell her that mom still hasn’t figured out how to make her cinnamon rolls. 

Then on the other hand, you get so many warnings and dangers that you might think you’re harming your child if you give them a phone too soon. So, what’s the right age?

Average age for a child's first cell phone

Are you hurting your child by giving them a phone early? The research is mixed. According to a study conducted by Stanford Medicine, there isn’t a correlation between when kids get their phones and their overall well-being. The study also found that the average age children get a phone is 11.6 years old, and the average age range is 10.7 to 12.5 years old.

But a recent global study found the opposite.

So while studies are still being conducted, your decision will depend on your child and your family’s beliefs.

Reasons a child might need a phone

You probably wonder why a young child would need a phone. It's more common to hear about the negatives, so you might be surprised at how many scenarios there are when a phone makes sense:

• They walk home from school or a friend’s house often, and you need to be able to track their whereabouts or for them to be able to contact you
• Your child is in after-school or extracurricular activities, and you need to be able to contact them if you’re running late or someone else is picking them up
• Your child is in charge of watching your other children, or they babysit and need a way to contact you quickly

Pros of giving a child a phone

Of course, giving a child a phone has pros and cons. First, let’s start with the good:

• Safety. Having direct contact with your child no matter where he/she goes is important. In today’s world, you can’t be sure everyone and every place is safe, so giving your child a way to contact you in an emergency or you being able to track their whereabouts is important.
• Teaches responsibility. Kids know that phones are expensive. Giving them a cell phone gives them something valuable to be responsible for, which can teach important lessons. Teaching your child to take care of the phone, not lose it, and use it responsibly can help him or her make mature decisions.
• Parental connections. Most smartphones have a way to link the parent’s phone to the child’s. This helps you directly control what your child can and cannot do on the phone, and also helps you keep closer tabs on them via location tracking, etc. You can even set screen time limits or block specific apps and websites. 

Cons of giving a child a phone

Understanding the downsides of giving a child a phone is important too. They include:

• Keeping up with the Joneses. If you get your child a phone because everyone else has one, you aren’t teaching them to make their own decisions and not worry about everyone else. And when their classmate gets the newest version that just hit stores, all of a sudden the one they have might not be good enough. 
• They are expensive. Phones are costly, and if your child loses or breaks it, the cost is even higher. It’s a big responsibility to give children; if your child isn’t ready, it can be disastrous.
• Access to unwanted content. If you aren’t careful, your child may access content you don’t want them to see. You must be regularly reviewing their phone use, using a child safety app, and limiting what they can access to keep them safe.
• Marketing influx. The apps that kids like to be on tend to be marketing machines. When kids have a steady stream of ads and influencer content, they may start asking for trendy items that they wouldn’t normally be interested in.
• People with ill intentions. Between scams, catfishing, and predatory interactions, having a phone can open up your children to unwanted attention. There are ways to safeguard your children, but having a phone does open them up to potential problems. 

How do you know your child is ready for a phone?

No two children are the same, but here are some signs your child is ready for a phone:

• Your child is showing signs of maturity and independence 
• You can trust your child to share the passwords with you and allow you to check the phone often
• Your child obeys basic rules around the home, such as bedtime or turning the TV off after enough screen time
• Your child can agree to your terms and conditions of owning a phone

Signs your child isn’t ready for a phone

If your child exhibits any of the following signs, they may not be ready:

• Your child is impulsive and makes decisions that aren’t in their best interest
• Your child constantly loses things and blames everyone else for it
• Your child routinely defies basic household rules, and there’s frequent disagreement around behavior especially as it relates to safety
• You worry about your child being too distracted by more screen time

Final thoughts

There’s no right or wrong age to get your child a phone. It depends on your child’s maturity level, ability to handle such an investment and your child’s activities that might warrant getting a phone much sooner than others. Don’t base your decision on what other families do, but on what you and your family value and need for peace of mind.

If you’ve ever watched a kid try to make an actual phone call, you know it’s rapidly become a lost art. I’ve witnessed my own kids talk into the earpiece (as hilarious as it was ineffective), answer with “what?” instead of “hello,” and hang up before closing the conversation.

Even in 2026, phone skills are still important for personal and professional reasons. It’s become my mission to teach my kids how to use the phone, and I want to pass on what I’ve learned to you. Here are my tips for teaching phone skills to the texting generation. 

1. Get a house phone

Because kids need to learn how to do things like take messages for another person, relying on a cell phone for practice isn’t usually enough. 

Here are some options for modern-day house phones: 

• Tin Can: We love our Tin Can, a Wi-Fi enabled landline with modern features like approved contacts, call logs, and quiet hours. 
• A locked-down smartphone: You can strip down an old smartphone and keep it in a stationary place in your home. 
• An actual landline: Yes. They do still exist.  

2. Model behaviors on the phone 

Our kids are always watching, and they are excellent at mimicking adult behavior. Let your child see you taking and making phone calls, texting people, and putting the phone away when it’s appropriate to do so. 

Want to keep track of what your child is doing and saying on their phone? Supervise text messages, direct messages, and more with BrightCanary child monitoring.

3. Start with low-stakes calls, then scale up

Start with low-pressure calls like grandparents or friends. This allows them to practice with less anxiety. 

After they’ve had some practice, ask your child to put in a takeout order or call the pool to find out open swim hours. Just because it can be done on the internet, doesn’t mean it can’t be used to build phone skills instead.

Recently, my son wanted to use his allowance to buy a book. I had him call our neighborhood bookstore to see if it was in stock and then, when it wasn’t, ask them to order it for him. He resisted hard when I proposed the idea, but he really wanted that book, so he did it, and it went great (mostly!).  

4. Give them a script (and have them practice)

The thing that helped my son conquer his nerves and call the bookstore? I gave him some language to use when he called and what to say next based on a few possible responses he might get. Then he practiced out loud a few times. 

The goal is for kids to make calls without a script, but giving them some tools as they start out is a great way to build these skills.  

5. Teach them phone call etiquette 

Most kids simply haven’t seen enough calls to have an innate sense of etiquette when they take or receive phone calls. Review these basics with them:

• Answer with “Hello.” You’d be surprised how many kids need this instruction explicitly. 
• How to take a message. Put a pen and paper next to the phone so they can write it down. 
• What to say when calling a friend. “Hi. This is (their name). Is (friend’s name) available?  
• How to leave a voicemail. Remind them to leave their name, callback number, and why they’re calling. 
• How to close out a phone call. Instruct them to let the other person know when they have to go and to say goodbye before they hang up. 

6. Go over safety 

In addition to etiquette, go over these safety points with your child: 

• Never tell a caller they’re home alone. This isn’t so much an issue if you use a locked-down phone like a Tin Can, but it’s still good practice for safety. 
• Don’t share personal information. Unless they’re talking to a friend or family member or ordering food delivery, they should never share any personal information like their address. 
• How and when to call 9-1-1. Emphasize that it is okay to say or confirm their address to a 9-1-1 operator. 

Did you know? Thousands of parents trust BrightCanary to make sure their kids are having safe conversations in their text messages. 

7. Let them make mistakes 

Resist the mighty urge to hover and micromanage! Give them tips, help them practice, and provide gentle feedback after, but allow them to fall mightily on their face during the actual call.

Heads up: Neurodivergent kids may need extra support  

Difficulty with auditory processing, lack of visual cues, and the unpredictable nature of answering an unknown call are a few reasons why phone calls can be extra difficult for neurodivergent people. If this is your kiddo, it’s important to be patient, give them plenty of encouragement, and provide them with extra support and coaching as needed.

Even for the texting generation, learning basic phone skills is still important. Provide your child with opportunities to practice, give them tips on basic phone etiquette and safety, and don’t be afraid to let them make mistakes along the way. 

Do you know what to do if your child is talking to a predator online? We spoke with an expert — here’s what to do.

Messages encouraging self-harm, such as KYS (short for “kill yourself”), are a common cyberbullying tactic. But reporting incidents to social media platforms can do more harm than good, and police officers often aren’t properly trained on how to deal with cyberbullying. 

I talked to Detective Rich Wistocki, child crime expert and founder of BeSure Consulting, about what to do if your child sends or receives KYS or other self-harm messages. 

The new cyberbullying: Why "KYS" messages are so dangerous

Wistocki says that kids may not realize how dangerous sending messages encouraging self-harm can be. He points to cases where kids have killed themselves because someone online convinced them they should.

“You have no idea what [they’re] going through at home. You don’t know if they have mental health issues. Maybe [your message] is the straw that breaks the camel’s back,” says Wistocki. 

What to do if your child receives KYS messages

If your child receives self-harm messages, these are the steps to take:

• Support them emotionally: Emphasize that what happened was not okay and that it’s not their fault. Wistocki tells kids, “No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself online. No one.” If you need additional support, consider enlisting the help of a mental health professional. 
• Do not report the situation to social media platforms: My conversation with Wistocki convinced me that the common advice to report situations to the social media platforms where they occur is actually a bad idea because it can lead to destruction of evidence. It’s common for platforms to take down or remove offensive material, and once it’s gone, it’s almost impossible to recover.
• Report the situation to the police instead: If your child is receiving self-harm messages, reporting it to law enforcement is a much more effective option. 

It might surprise you to learn that reporting to social media platforms can make things worse. Wistocki warns that reporting self-harm messages to social media sites is a bad idea if you plan to also report the situation to the police. Most platforms respond by deleting the account of the person who sent or posted the messages, thereby destroying evidence that law enforcement needs in order to respond.   

How to collect and preserve evidence of KYS messages

BrightCanary’s child monitoring tools make gathering evidence to give to the police much easier because everything is preserved, even deleted messages. Here are the steps Wistocki recommends for collecting and preserving evidence:

1. Collect these items

• Screen captures of everything.
• The sender’s user ID and/or gamer tag. 
• The sender’s phone number and e-mail (if available).

2. Prepare a statement 

Type a statement detailing everything that occurred, including how the situation made your child feel. 

3. Print everything 

Print a hard copy of your statement and all evidence. 

4. Back up evidence

Upload your statement and evidence to two thumb drives. Give one to the police; keep the other as backup. 

When to report to law enforcement

I asked Wistocki how to decide whether to report self-harm messages to the police. “If the parents are friendly with each other, then I would handle it through [the] parents,” he said. But Wistocki also emphasized that a child who sends KYS messages to one child is likely doing it to many other kids. “They have to be held accountable, which would require a police report."

Unfortunately, Wistocki tells me that most of the patrol officers you will initially encounter if you want to make a report have zero training in dealing with cybercrime like KYS and self-harm messages. Many may even refuse to take a report. 

Here are Wistocki’s tips for how to get your situation taken seriously by law enforcement:

• Bring evidence. Presenting a hesitant officer with your evidence may convince them to take a report. 
• Escalate if needed. If they still refuse, wait about 30 minutes, then call the 911 center and ask to speak to a supervisor. 
• Be persistent. If the supervisor refuses, contact the investigations unit and ask to speak with an ICAC-trained detective. 

What to say to your child if they're sending hurtful messages online 

If your child has been sending messages encouraging someone to hurt themselves, it’s important to take swift action.

• Emphasize the seriousness of the situation: Depending on the state and the circumstances, sending messages encouraging self-harm may be a crime. Help your child understand the seriousness, and explain how sending messages like this could lead to major harm for the receiver. 
• Insist they stop immediately: Be specific about your expectations and the consequences they’ll face if they continue. 
• Address the underlying reasons: Often, kids cyberbully because they have an unmet need and don’t know a more productive way to get it met. It could be pressure from friends, the desire to impress peers, or being victims of bullying themselves. Getting to the root of the problem will help you appropriately handle the behavior. 
• Consider reaching out to the parents of the affected child: If you have a relationship with the other child’s parents, you might reach out to them to let them know the steps you're taking to address the issue.  
• Monitor their online activity: KYS messages can have serious consequences for both the receiver and the sender. A child monitoring service like BrightCanary helps you make sure the behavior doesn’t continue.  

The bottom line

If your child receives KYS or other self-harm messages, prioritize supporting them emotionally. Don't report to social media platforms, as this can destroy important evidence. Instead, collect screen captures, contact details, and a written statement, then bring everything to law enforcement. If officers are reluctant to help, escalate to an ICAC-trained detective. 

If your child is the one sending harmful messages, address it immediately, get to the root cause, and monitor their activity online to ensure the behavior doesn’t continue. 

Read next in our expert insights series: what to do if your child talks to a predator online.

Learning your child has been targeted by an online predator is every parent's worst fear. In the panic of the moment, it's easy to make mistakes that hurt your case. The steps you take in the first hour can determine whether law enforcement is able to act.

We worked with Detective Rich Wistocki, child crime expert and founder of BeSure Consulting, to put together a clear, step-by-step guide for exactly what to do. Download the free printable PDF, or read the steps here.

1. Screenshot everything first

Before you do anything else (including reporting the account) capture every message, image, profile, and interaction. Social media platforms often delete accounts once content is reported, which means your evidence disappears with it. 

If you use BrightCanary child monitoring, full message transcripts are already available, so screenshot those, too.

2. Write down all identifying information

Record everything you know about the other party: username, gamer tag, phone number, email address, platform, and the dates and duration of contact. The more specific your documentation, the better the odds that law enforcement can act on it.

3. Write a detailed statement

Document what happened in chronological order, including how the situation made your child feel. If there were any threats, state explicitly that you feared for your child's safety (that specific language matters for the official police report).

4. Print everything and back it up

Make physical copies of your statement and all evidence, and save everything to two flash drives — one for law enforcement, one to keep. Once you hand over evidence, you may not get the original back.

5. Contact law enforcement, and escalate if you need to

Report to your local police department. Most patrol officers have little to no training in cybercrime, so if you encounter pushback, ask for a supervisor or specifically request an ICAC-trained detective. 

One more thing: If your child has inappropriate images circulating online, visit takeitdown.ncmec.org. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children will work with platforms to locate and remove them.

"No one is allowed to make them feel bad about themselves online. No one is allowed to make them do something they should not be doing, such as extortion. If a predator is doing it to them, they are doing it to 10 other people as well, and they need to be stopped." — Detective Rich Wistocki, cybercrime expert

This guide is based on expert guidance from Detective Rich Wistocki, founder of BeSure Consulting and a leading child crime investigator. For the full interview, including how to talk to your child afterward, read our expert insights piece. Stay informed about your child’s online activity with BrightCanary child monitoring, the only child safety app recommended by Detective Rich.

Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:

• Instagram’s new Instants feature automatically sends photos to your teen’s full friends list. Here’s how to talk to your teen about it.
• Meta introduces new parental supervision tools across Instagram, Facebook, and Messenger.
• Oops: Nearly half of UK kids say age verification is easy to bypass, and a third have done it. (Some of them bypassed age filters by drawing on fake mustaches. Come on!)

Digital parenting

📸 Everything parents need to know about Instagram's new Instants feature: Instagram recently launched Instants, a new way for people to share spontaneous, unfiltered photos with friends — and we now have details on parental controls. Instants is kinda like Snap because photos disappear after someone views them, and friends can react and reply. If your child has a supervised Teen Account on Meta, they already have the following protections in place: 

• Time spent on Instants counts toward your teen’s daily Instagram time limit
• Notifications are muted and access is restricted during Sleep Mode hours
• Screenshots are disabled
• Parents of supervised teens are notified the first time their teen downloads the separate Instants companion app

Here’s the catch: Instants is going to ruin someone’s day with an accidental share. The moment your teen taps the shutter button, the photo is automatically sent to everyone on their Friends list (accounts that mutually follow each other), unless they manually switch to Close friends beforehand. Every time. By default. It’s worth having a conversation about what’s okay and not okay to share, like personal information, location, and anything they wouldn’t normally share online. If you’d rather skip the feature altogether, here’s how to turn Instants off: go to your teen's profile → three-line menu → Settings → Content Preferences → toggle off "Hide Instants in Inbox."

In more Meta news: the platform has introduced new parental supervision tools that let parents view the general topics their teen engages with across Instagram, Facebook, Messenger, and Meta Horizon. Those topics might include things like fashion, sports, humor, and other content. To set it up, visit familycenter.meta.com/supervision.

🥸 Kids are getting around age checks, and parents are helping: A new report from UK online safety group Internet Matters surveyed over 1,000 children and their parents about the UK’s Online Safety Act — and found that age verification isn’t exactly working. Nearly half of kids (46%) think age checks are easy to get around, and a third (32%) have bypassed them by using methods like entering a fake birthday or, yes, drawing on a fake mustache. Perhaps most surprising: a quarter of parents (26%) have allowed their kids to bypass age checks in order to use certain apps. Despite the new Online Safety Act protections, 49% of children say they’ve experienced some form of harm online in the past month.

This is the issue with age verification and bans: they don’t cover everything, nor do they actually teach kids what to do if they deal with something dangerous or alarming, like harassment or violent content. The best protection is talking to your child often about online safety, using available child monitoring tools and parental controls, and understanding what content they consume online. Want to know if your child is faking their age to access restricted content? Here’s how to check — and how to talk to them about it.

📱 New data: American kids are getting devices young — with few guardrails: A new report from the Institute for Family Studies paints a pretty striking picture of how early American kids are getting connected … and how little oversight most of them have. By age 11, smartphones are the primary way American kids access the internet, and over 60% have one. Nearly 50% of 3-year-olds use a tablet, iPad, or Kindle. But the restrictions on these devices are minimal. The use of content filters peak at age 4 and decline steadily from there. By age 5, fewer than 10% of kids are using internet-disabled smartphones. By 17, the most common parental control is location tracking. More parents require passwords to make purchases than implement content filters.

There is no set age for screen time or the amount of time kids should spend on devices. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends teaching healthy habits, rather than sticking to certain numbers of screen time hours, for kids 6 and older. But quantity and quality matter. Parenting today is different now, and kids have access to concerning content and interactions within just a few swipes and taps. This is why we advocate for parents to keep tabs on not only how long their kids are using devices, but also what they encounter online. Here’s what to do if you find something alarming on your child’s phone.

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Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.

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Tech talks

Experts recommend banning devices from the dinner table — partially because it’s prime conversation time, and partially because nobody wants marinara on their iPhone 17. Add these conversation-starters to your rotation this week:

1. “Do most of your friends have iPhones? Do they ever talk about parental controls on them?”
2. “Do you think you got your phone at the right age?”
3. “What’s something you saw online this week that you loved?”
4. “If a friend came to you with a problem they were too scared to tell their parents, what would you tell them to do?”
5. “What’s something you wish I understood better about what it’s like to be your age right now?”

What’s catching our eye

🚫 Minnesota bans AI nudification apps. Starting August 1, apps and websites that digitally alter clothed photos into intimate images without consent will be illegal to operate in Minnesota — the first state in the U.S. to do so. Developers face up to $500,000 per violation, and companies must geoblock Minnesota users. Learn more about the problems with deepfake nudes.

🎵 You can now turn off videos on Spotify. Did you know? Spotify shows music videos with certain songs. Did you also know? Some of those videos contain explicit content. The good news is that you can turn off video content by going to Settings > Content and Display > toggle off Canvas or videos for music or podcasts. This applies across mobile, desktop, TV, and web.

🍎 Health influencers make young people anxious: New Pew data finds that 40% of US adults get health and wellness information from people who record videos talking in front of grocery store aisles, aka social media influencers or podcasts. Among 18–29-year-olds who consume their content, 36% say it makes them feel more worried about their health — not less. Worth a conversation with your teen about how to evaluate health information they find online. Here’s more about how to talk to your teen about social media content and disordered eating.

If you’re looking for a phone monitoring app for your kid but want to make sure you’re making the best choice, look no further. This roundup compares the four best monitoring apps for parents to use when keeping their child safe online.

	BrightCanary	Apple Screen Time	Bark	Qustodio
Platform	iOS only	iOS only	iOS and Android	iOS and Android
Monitoring type	All apps	Screen time and content filtering	Partial: Specific apps only	Partial: AI-scanned texts and social
AI-powered scanning	Yes	No	Yes	Yes
Real-time alerts	Yes	No	Yes	Yes
Social media monitoring	Yes, all apps	No	Partial	Partial
AI app monitoring	Yes	No	Partial	No
Screen time controls	No	Yes	Yes	Yes
App blocking	No	Yes	Yes	Yes
Works without home WiFi	Yes	Yes	No	No

Apple Screen Time

Available on

iOS

What to know about Apple Screen Time

Apple Screen Time is built into all iOS devices. The parental control features allow you to filter content and set limits on your child’s iPhone. While it’s lighter on monitoring capabilities, Apple Screen Time made our list because it’s a great complement to more traditional monitoring apps. (It pairs extremely well with BrightCanary.) And because it’s native to iOS devices, setup is seamless. 

Features 

• Insight into how much time your child spends on their device, broken down by specific app and website
• Block apps and notifications for specific periods
• Restrict apps by category
• Limit who your child can communicate with
• Filter web content
• Restrict explicit media

Considerations

• Doesn’t provide insight into the content your child views
• No ability to see your child’s social media activity
• Web filtering is limited to Safari
• No message content monitoring

BrightCanary

Available on

iOS

What to know about BrightCanary

If you’re looking for the best phone monitoring app for your kid, BrightCanary has you covered. BrightCanary harnesses advanced technology to remotely scan everything your child types across every app to help keep them safe, no matter the platform. Setup is a breeze, and because it was built specifically for iOS, it outperforms similar monitoring apps on Apple devices. 

Features 

• Keyboard-level monitoring of everything your child types on all apps, including social media, search engines, and AI chatbots 
• Real-time alerts if your child encounters anything alarming
• Two-way message monitoring with Text Message Plus
• AI-powered summaries of your child’s online activity
• Access to full transcripts anytime you need more details
• Emotional insights informed by the American Psychological Association

Considerations

• The app is currently only available for families on iOS. If you have an iPhone but your child uses Android, you’ll need to wait until BrightCanary offers Android monitoring. 
• Some kids will try to uninstall or get around BrightCanary keyboard monitoring. The app will alert you if it stops receiving data from the keyboard.
• BrightCanary’s alerts use preset categories that provide robust coverage for concerning content. However, you can’t currently prompt the system to scan using your own keywords. That feature is coming soon, though! 

Qustodio

Available on

iOS, Android

What to know about Qustodio

Qustodio is very similar in functionality to Bark. It uses AI to scan your child’s activity on their phone and sends you alerts if there’s a concern detected over text or social media messages. Qustodio stands out for its panic button feature, although that’s only available on Android devices.  

Features

• Scans your child’s searches and conversations over text and social media messaging
• Alerts if your child searches for something concerning or has a worrisome message exchange
• Website filtering and content control
• The ability to block apps
• Manage your child’s screen time
• Panic button (only available on Android)

Considerations

• Text monitoring only works when your child is connected to home WiFi
• No alerts for concerning social media posts
• Doesn’t monitor content on AI apps
• Complicated setup on Apple devices
• No Instagram monitoring on iOS devices

Bark

Available on

iOS, Android

What to know about Bark

Bark uses AI-powered monitoring to scan your child’s activity on some of the most popular apps and social media platforms. It also has other features like location tracking and screen time limits. Bark is available on iOS but performs best on Android devices. Aside from its monitoring, most of Bark’s features are available for free through Apple Screen Time. 

Features

• Monitors your child’s texts and activity on popular apps and social media platforms
• Alerts you if the system detects a concern
• GPS location tracking
• Ability to restrict access to apps
• Set screen time limits

Considerations

• Only monitors your child on specific apps
• Limited functionality on iOS devices
• Text monitoring only works when your child is connected to home WiFi
• Limited outgoing message insight on social media
• Doesn’t monitor AI apps on iOS devices (and AI monitoring is very limited on Android)  
• Difficult setup on iOS devices

FAQs

What’s the best parental monitoring app?

BrightCanary is the best parental monitoring app for iOS devices, offering robust, keyboard-based monitoring on every app and website your child uses. If your child has an Android, Bark or Qustodio are good choices. 

Is Apple Screen Time enough for monitoring my kid?  

Apple Screen Time is excellent for filtering content, blocking apps, and restricting screen time. It’s built into all iOS devices and is free to use. However, the monitoring insights are very limited. Apple Screen Time is best when paired with a third-party monitoring app for kids like BrightCanary, which is specifically designed to work on iOS devices. 

Which monitoring app for kids is best on iPhones?

Because it was built specifically for iOS devices, BrightCanary is the best phone monitoring app for parents whose kids use iPhones, especially when it's used alongside Apple Screen Time. The BrightCanary Keyboard monitors everything your child types on their iPhone, across all apps, websites, AI, and social media platforms.

Age verification happens any time you have to verify your birthdate online. Historically, most social media sites used flimsy age-verification methods, if they used any at all. But growing concerns over the dangers of social media for kids and an increased prevalence of age-verification laws means that more and more platforms are adopting stricter measures to keep kids safe. 

However, this rapidly changing landscape has brought with it confusion and, for some, concern over privacy. Here’s everything you need to know about age verification on social media. 

How does social media age verification actually work? 

There are three primary forms of age verification currently employed by social media platforms: 

1. Age gating

Landing squarely in the “flimsy” category are platforms that require only a promise from the user that they’re the appropriate age to be using a platform. 

Think: a user-provided date of birth or a pop-up requiring clicking a button assuring they’re of age. In the absence of any additional verification measures, age gating is basically just the honor system. 

2. AI-powered age estimation

The newest player in the age-verification game is AI-powered estimations, and social media platforms have quickly jumped on the bandwagon. Age estimation systems use two main forms of algorithmic analysis to estimate a person’s age: 

• User-submitted photo or video. Meta and other companies require users to record a live selfie or video, which is then scanned by AI to determine the person’s age. 
• Behavioral inference. This method uses AI to examine a user’s online behavior and estimate their age. It includes things like what videos they watch, what they say in their posts, and public photos and videos of them, which may also include voice analysis. Social signals are sometimes used as well, such as friends posting “Happy sweet 16!” 

3. ID scanning 

ID scanning is pretty straightforward. For this, users are required to submit a screenshot of a government-issued ID, such as a driver’s license, to verify their age. 

Is age verification accurate?

Age-verification systems vary widely in their accuracy. For instance, a government-issued ID is a much more reliable measure than a user attesting to their age. Here are the biggest gaps in social media age verification: 

Users gaming the system

From AI-generated deepfakes to holding the camera up to an actor onscreen, kids are endlessly inventive when it comes to bypassing age verification. 

Unreliable technology

AI age estimation is notoriously unreliable for teenagers. While being a few years off for an adult isn’t a big deal, there’s a big difference between an algorithm deciding a user is 15 versus 19. 

Bias

Infamously, facial recognition systems are biased because they’re trained on limited data sets. People of color, trans and nonbinary individuals, and disabled people are often misclassified. 

Social media age verification and privacy concerns

Social media platforms are taking steps to ensure privacy and data security. For example, they may promise to only use images for age verification and to delete them immediately after processing. 

But these companies don’t have the best track record when it comes to protecting children’s privacy, leading to 80% of adults expressing concern about data used to verify their child’s age being permanently stored, sold, or shared.  

If you’re uncomfortable with letting your child scan their face (which I totally get — I’m right there with you), your best bet is to not let them use platforms that rely on this technology until privacy is better proven. Your kid might not be happy about it, but if you explain your concerns, they’re likely to at least understand your reasons. 

What age verification can't do — how to fill in the gaps

Even though reliability gaps exist in age-verification technology, that doesn't mean you shouldn’t use these common-sense tools. The key is to layer them with other measures to give your child the best possible protection online. Here are three steps you can take to fill in the gaps:  

1. Use parental controls 

Parental controls on your child’s iPhone and their Google account make it more difficult (though certainly not impossible) for them to download apps they’re too young for. 

2. Check what apps they’re using

On iPhone, use Ask to Buy as well as device spot-checks to keep tabs on what apps your child is using. That way, you can verify they have their age set correctly and set up any available parental controls.  

3. Monitor your child’s online activity 

BrightCanary scans everything your child types on their device across all apps and sends you real-time alerts if any red flags are detected, such as age-inappropriate content. 

Age verification on social media is an important, yet imperfect, means for protecting kids on the internet. It works best when layered with other measures such as using parental controls and monitoring your child’s online activity. 

BrightCanary is an excellent complement to age-verification systems because it monitors your child’s activity on the apps they use the most. Download today to get started for free.

Bullying. Self-image. Online strangers. AI. Most parents wait until something goes wrong before having a conversation. After all, these topics can feel overwhelming or premature, especially if your child seems fine. But by the time there’s a problem, it’s already harder to talk.

The truth is simple: the earlier you start these conversations, the safer and more prepared your child will be.

There’s often a gap between what kids say and what’s actually happening on their devices. Not because they’re being dishonest, but because they don’t always connect their online behavior to real-world risks.

That’s where this guide comes in. Developed in partnership with Lisa Smith, the Peaceful Parent, it gives you the exact words to start meaningful, low-pressure conversations — before something goes wrong.

“The conversations that feel too early are almost never too early. In peaceful parenting, we talk about connection before correction — and the same is true for the digital world.” - Lisa Smith, The Peaceful Parent

Inside, you’ll find:

• The 5 essential conversations every parent needs to have (social media, AI, strangers, and more)
• Age-specific conversation starters for tweens, middle schoolers, and teens
• A script for the “trust talk” around monitoring and privacy
• A family digital agreement you can fill out together
• Practical ways to lead with connection, not fear or control

This guide is designed to help you feel calm, confident, and prepared — not overwhelmed.

Bonus: Get 20% off BrightCanary’s Text Message Plus annual plan. Use code PARENTS20 at checkout.

Why this matters now

Kids today are growing up in a completely different world than we did.

Algorithms shape how they see themselves. AI chatbots are becoming companions. And online interactions blur the line between real and risky. Most of this is happening quietly, on devices we rarely see.

Kids won’t always come to you when something feels off. But if you’ve already opened the door to conversation, they’re far more likely to. This guide helps you open that door early, and keep it open.

Add protection without breaking trust

BrightCanary helps you stay informed about your child’s digital world, without reading every message or invading their privacy.

• Monitors activity across apps on iOS
• Sends real-time alerts for concerning content like bullying, predators, or drugs
• Gives clear summaries so you can act when it matters

It’s the easiest way to stay involved while still respecting your child’s independence.

FAQs

Is this guide really free?

Yes. You can download and share it with caregivers, schools, or anyone raising kids.

What age is this for?

The guide includes conversation starters for ages 10 through teens.

Do I need BrightCanary to use it?

No. The guide stands on its own. BrightCanary adds real-time monitoring and alerts if you want extra support.

How is this different from other parenting resources?

This guide focuses on what to say, giving you real language you can use immediately, grounded in connection-first parenting.

Your child’s digital world is already here. The best thing you can do isn’t to wait — it’s to start talking.

Download the Free Conversation Guide (PDF) and open the door today.

The FBI has seen a large increase in sextortion cases involving children and teens. In this article, I’ll explain sextortion scams targeting teens, how to protect your child, and what to do if your child is being blackmailed online. 

What is sextortion? 

Sextortion is when a perpetrator extorts money, explicit pictures or videos, or sexual favors from a victim using coercion and threats. They often threaten to disseminate explicit content featuring the victim and, in many cases, do so even if their demands are met. The perpetrator is often an adult posing as a teen, a method known as catfishing. 

Where does sextortion occur?

Sextortion scams targeting teens can occur on any platform where users communicate. 

1. Social media 

Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook are the most likely platforms where perpetrators make initial contact with their victims. 

2. Secondary platforms

Sextortionists often try to shift to another platform that’s harder to trace, like Snapchat or WhatsApp.

3. Video games

Gaming platforms with chat features frequently draw sextortionists because of the large volume of underage players.

4. Discord

Discord is attractive to sextortionists because of its private communication channels and anonymous accounts. While the platform does have age restrictions, it’s possible for younger users to bypass them.

How sextortion scams target teens

These are some common methods used to target teens: 

Romantic pretense

Teen victims frequently think they’re communicating with someone their own age who’s interested in a relationship. After building trust, the perpetrator requests explicit photos and videos. 

Offer of something valuable 

Another method is to make a false offer in exchange for sending images. For example:

• Modeling contracts 
• Money 
• Cryptocurrency 
• Gaming credits or in-game currency
• Gift cards

Threats

Some sextortionists threaten to harm the child or people they care about if they don’t send explicit pictures. 

AI-generated material

With the rise of AI, sextortionists are able to use generative AI to alter images or videos of the victim to make them appear explicit — and then threaten to distribute them. 

The mental health impact of sextortion scams on teens

Young victims of sextortion often suffer significant emotional repercussions, even if no explicit images are ever disseminated and no money is extorted.

• Self-harm. One in seven underage victims of sextortion report harming themselves because of the abuse.
• Anxiety and emotional distress. Victims often report feeling scared, alone, embarrassed, anxious, and desperate. 
• Suicide. Some victims experience suicidal thoughts or actions. Between October 2021 and March 2023, the FBI found over 20 deaths of minors by suicide related to financially motivated sextortion. 
• LGBTQ+ victims. The rates of self-harm and suicidal ideation are significantly higher among LGBTQ+ youth victims. 

Why teens don’t tell parents

There are a number of reasons why victims of sextortion underreport their experiences. 

• Fear. Perpetrators may falsely convince the teen that they, the victim, will be in trouble or labeled a pedophile. Sextortionists may threaten to hurt a victim’s loved ones or convince them they’ll never get into college or get a job. 
• Embarrassment or shame. Teens might be afraid their family or friends will view them differently. Perpetrators may convince them their parents won’t love them anymore. 
• Desire to protect their abuser. Many victims know their perpetrator in real life, including intimate partners, and may not want to see that person punished. 

How to prevent sextortion scams against teens

You play a pivotal role in protecting your child online. Here are my top tips for preventing them from falling victim to sextortion:

1. Teach strong boundaries

I used to work in sex offender treatment programs, and my key takeaway was how skilled predators are at spotting and exploiting weak boundaries. As a parent, I actively teach my children healthy boundaries (and respect the ones they set) because I know it’s one of the best ways to protect them. 

2. Talk to your child about sextortion

Open communication is protective. Here’s how to talk to your child about sextortion:

• Explain the methods, risks, and consequences of sextortion.
• Proactively address the stigma that contributes to underreporting and increases mental health impacts by being mindful of your language and avoiding victim-blaming.
• Be clear your child can always come to you with any problems they face online. 

3. Monitor your child online

Spotting signs of sextortion early is key. Here’s how: 

• Keep screen use in common areas.
• Don’t allow your child to keep their phone in their bedroom overnight.
• Periodically talk to your child about who they’re talking to online and what they’re discussing. 
• Use a monitoring app like BrightCanary. The app flags concerning messages, including explicit chats, across every app your child uses on iOS. You’ll get real-time alerts and insights right on your phone.

Resources 

These resources can help you support your child if they’re a victim of sextortion.

Reporting sextortion  

FBI

• 1-800-CALL-FBI 
• Find your local FBI field office
• tips.fbi.gov and ic3.gov

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) CyberTipline

• report.cybertip.org
• 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678)
• takeitdown.ncmec.org (for help removing exploitative material)

Department of Homeland Security Know2Protect Tipline

• 833-591-KNOW (5669)

Mental health support

National Crisis Hotline

• Visit 988lifeline.org to access the chat feature
• Call 988 from any phone or videophone 
• Text 988

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) Sexual Assault Hotline

• rainn.org (also includes resources for finding trauma-informed therapists)
• Online chat
• WhatsApp chat
• Call 800-656-HOPE
• Text HOPE to 64673

Sextortion scams targeting teens are on the rise. If you want to protect your child from being blackmailed online, teach them strong boundaries, educate them about sextortion, and monitor them online. 

BrightCanary helps you monitor your child’s online activity so you can spot signs of sextortion and get them help. Download today to get started for free.

If you're missing text messages or haven’t seen messages in a few days, there are a couple of possible causes.

Check Send & Receive settings

If your child’s device has a phone number, both the phone number and iCloud email should be selected.

1. Open Settings
2. Tap Messages
3. Tap Send & Receive

Under “You can receive iMessages to and reply from”:

• Ensure the phone number is selected
• Ensure the Apple ID email is selected

Under “Start new conversations from”:

• Select the phone number if available

If only one destination is selected, Apple may route some messages outside of the monitored session.

Are SMS messages (Android contacts) missing?

If your child is texting Android users, those messages use SMS rather than iMessage. Make sure Text Message forwarding is enabled.

1. On your child’s iPhone, open Settings
2. Search for Text Message Forwarding
3. Turn it on
4. Select the BrightCanary device from the list

Without Text Message Forwarding enabled, SMS messages cannot be monitored.

Are messages not populating after initial login?

If login completes but no messages appear, check whether Contact Key Verification is enabled.

Apple’s Contact Key Verification is an advanced security feature that can interfere with monitoring services.

1. On your child’s device, open Settings
2. Tap the Apple ID name at the top
3. Scroll down and tap Contact Key Verification
4. Turn off Verification in iMessage

Make sure your child hasn’t deleted the BrightCanary server

Check to make sure they have not removed the BrightCanary server from the list of devices with access to their Apple ID information. This list is found by opening Settings on their device, then tapping iCloud (their name) at the top of the screen. Scroll down, and you should see a list of devices with access to their Apple ID, including their iPhone and/or iPad, as well as a BrightCanary server. 

If you do not see a BrightCanary server in the list, email support@brightcanary.io for help getting things set up again.